Ep. 99 Your Past Self

Hi and welcome to the Mindful Shade Podcast. I am Paula Parker. This episode is really going to be about your relationship with your past self. When I talk about weight loss, I am always talking about the relationship that we have with ourself because that's usually what it comes down to. And when we can repair that relationship and heal that relationship and even I want to say optimize, but it's not, it's not optimizing the relationship with yourself, but it's maybe just reconnecting, reconnecting with yourself.

Then that is where we kind of go to the source in terms of how we become successful is when we can really reconnect with ourselves and then we can talk to each other. You know, do anything that we want because that foundation is there. So if what we want is to release weight, then that happens. If what we want is just to make peace with where we're at and make peace with our body, then that happens.

So, so that's why I talk about a relationship with ourselves. And when I say relationship, what I'm talking about there is simply our thoughts and feelings about ourselves. So your relationship with yourself. Is essentially your thoughts and feelings about yourself. And today I want to focus on your past self, how we think about our past self is going to impact how we feel right now with your present self.

Okay. So you might criticize your past self, maybe. You from 10 years ago who started letting the weight come on and you feel some regret and anger Right now about that you might feel frustrated with yourself from last night the version of you who ate more than she needed right who said she wasn't gonna overeat and then dead or you might think back to a time when you were closer to what you consider is your natural weight and You felt great and it feels a little bittersweet Because you know what that feels like in your body, you know what that experience is like and you don't have that right now and it's painful.

That separation is painful and you just want to get back to it somehow. It's like you're almost envious of your past self, like how is it so easy for her? And then you feel a little bit resentful, like you don't know how good you had it. You thought you were overweight then, right? But you looked great.

Like we all, we always say that when we look at old photos, we're like, Oh my God. Oh, I thought I looked so bad in that photo when I looked at it then, but now I'm like, actually looking pretty good. Okay. So you might be thinking your past self at a different weight or having a healthier lifestyle was the so called better version of you.

And you might feel a little disillusioned by that. Like you are separate from that and it doesn't feel good. So I thought we could dedicate our time together today to really take a look at what that past relationship is like, that past version of you. So we can do a little bit of healing. I know that, you know, it's a tall order, just listening to a podcast, but you never know what happens when you just plant these seeds, right?

So we can do some healing wherever there's the opportunity for that, or simply just let go of some of the negative thoughts or feelings that you're carrying some emotional weight from your past. Let's pause. Take a breath, whether you're driving home from work or maybe you're out on a walk or even loading the dishwasher I often listen to podcasts when I'm cleaning the kitchen.

We're going to do a simple mindfulness exercise I'm just going to walk you through it. It's gonna be easy super fast, just to help you tap into a memory of that version of your past self. Because of course there are many at any point in your life, in your history, that was a version of your past self.

Just let your intuition guide you to whichever version comes up, whichever version that you feel called to connect with. Just for this exercise, I promise there won't be any real heavy lifting on your part. So you can just relax, let your mind simply follow. All right. So, choose a past version of you, maybe the first that comes to mind.

Is it when you were 17, 25, when you got married? How about last summer? Or even you from last month, you from yesterday, okay? All versions are right. So just check in with yourself, check in with your body, and just see what's the memory or what's the version that you feel called to connect with right now.

Okay, you got it? You got her in mind? What does it feel like to think about her? Is there any cringe? Is it a bit cringey? Like, is it hard to look at her weight, what she's doing with food, her behavior, what she said, anything like that? Is there any cringiness? Or is there any tenderness or sadness here?

Maybe from this viewpoint, you can see her pain more clearly. You can understand why she was doing what she was doing. Whether that was over exercising, doing that cleanse, eating, you know, two, three, four bowls of popcorn, or reaching for those chocolate chips. Just to cope, or is there some envy you look back now and you think, why couldn't I have just stayed there, kept eating like that, kept moving my body like that?

How, why did, like, what went wrong? Why didn't I keep that up? If only I could be like that now, I want to be more like her. Or is there any resentment, any anger? Because you think she really screwed me over. She really screwed me over with all that overeating that she did. Right? So here's the deal. We're not going to get really super metaphysical, although I'm all about that.

We're not going to get metaphysical right now, but all of this is happening for you right now. And it really has nothing to do with your past self. What? Yes, because that version of you, it actually, it doesn't exist anymore, right? It only exists in your head now. So, that is great news. Because, of course we can't go back and tell her, Listen, I know you think that cheesecake is a great idea, But trust me, you will not be better off.

Or, you can't go back and say, no wait, you look fantastic. Don't change a thing. You don't need to go on that cleanse or that crash diet that will cause you to spiral out of control with food for the next few weeks. But What you can do is change how you feel right now, change the experience your present self is having whenever you think about your past self.

And that's important because how we feel literally is the experience of our life. We can decide how we want to feel and then generate that feeling. By how we choose to think about that past version of ourself. So I will walk you through this so that you can follow along. I'll give you an example. When I was in my late 20s, I did the master cleanse to release weight.

That's that, I'm sure you've heard of it. Lemonade, maple syrup, cayenne pepper. I can laugh now, but at the time, you know, like, It was my best strategy. With what we know now about blood sugar, that was probably the worst thing I could have been doing for my body. I did it for 10 days. I did it numerous times.

The longest I went was 30 days. But then of course I would spiral with food post cleanse and gain all the weight back because I would also be on this emotional spiral with food and my weight. So, it would be really easy now to look back and judge that version of me. To regret doing that to myself. Both the cleanse and the overeating that followed.

Doing that to my body. And my brain. But, Doing that doesn't cultivate how I want to feel now, how I want to feel about myself now, and how I'm thinking about my past self is going to affect how I'm feeling now about myself. So I want to feel kindness, warmth, some compassion, even pride, because Think about the determination and grit you have to have to drink that drink for 30 days.

But really, it was the best strategy that I had at the time. My parenting coach is always reminding me, you know, Tristan is not testing me with his misbehavior. He's simply trying out strategies. He's like, well, it feels really good to do this when I'm mad. Maybe that will get me what I want. Right? So I'm starting to see it that way.

I'm starting to see it as his behavior is always him testing out strategies. And it's really my job to teach him which strategies are effective and which aren't. And that's what we're all trying to do. Aren't we? We're just, we're simply trying out strategies to see what works. Let's dive into a couple of self coaching questions for you.

First is what's your tone? What's your tone? When it comes to how you think about that past version of yourself, what's the tone that you have when you think about her? How can you soften? What if softening is the power move? I heard that recently. I stole it from somewhere, but I just love it. It's so good.

What if softening is the power move? I might be paraphrasing a little bit, but I love that idea. Can your tone be more gentle? More friendly, a little bit warmer. And number two is what if there's nothing to forgive? I did this workshop recently with Danielle Laporte, and if you haven't checked her out, I would highly recommend her work.

She also has a podcast or her podcast is called with love. By Danielle and she has a membership program. There's two tracks, there's a life track and there's the business track and I just, her work is so great and I'd highly recommend it. So yeah, check her out. Danielle Laporte. And in this workshop that I did, forgiveness was a theme, the power of forgiveness, especially as it relates to resentment, where resentment is coming up in your life.

She talked about how generosity is the antidote to resentment. And she mentioned forgiveness because I think because forgiveness is. It's an act of generosity, isn't it? But what I love even more than forgiving yourself, that forgiving your past self, whether that's you from three years ago or you from three days ago, who overate or overindulged or did all this wacky stuff when it comes to food, what I love even more than forgiving yourself is the idea that there's nothing to forgive at all.

Eating food or doing that crazy cleanse or crazy diet or whatever you would take back if you could was your very best strategy, nothing to forgive at all, just a strategy. And lastly, I'll just leave you with this. Your present version of you. is the summation of all your past self versions. And she needed you to go through all of that.

She needed you to go through all of that to get to where you are now. So you needed your past self to try out all those strategies so that you could be who you are today. So that you could know All the things that didn't work, right? And who is, I'll bet, really fantastic because I know my community and I know that you are okay.

I will leave you there. How can you soften? How can you be more gracious with your past self? How do you want to change the tone whenever you think of her? Cause I promise it's going to impact your self concept today. And it's going to inform the strategies that you take going forward. All right. I'll talk to you soon.

Bye.