Ep. 98 You've Got This

Hi, and welcome to the Mindful Shade Podcast. I'm Paula Parker, and I'm a life and weight loss coach. So this is entitled, You've Got This, because I really want you to feel like that by the end of this episode. And there are a couple of sneaky thought errors or sneaky mindsets that can sabotage your energy toward the mind.

Efforts to simply manage your behavior with food so that you can reach your natural weight and release the weight that you want to release. So essentially, what I'm going to talk about here is one, where we minimize what we want, and I'll go into that. And two is when we don't let ourselves imagine anything different.

And, and notice how I say we don't let ourselves because oftentimes we think, I just can't, I've lived this way for so long. Oftentimes I speak with women who really their relationship with food. Was fractured their what I think of as like an internal guidance system when it comes to food in their bodies was interrupted pretty early on, like in early teenage years for many of us, right?

And so it's hard for us sometimes to manage. To imagine a different life where we feel completely in charge of food and we feel at peace with food and we don't tie our body image and our weight with our self worth, right? Those things are separate. It can be hard to imagine that. So I'm going to talk about these two areas.

So again, going back to the first one is where we minimize what we want. So this I hear quite a bit and so I thought I would just address it. It's the idea that what you want in terms of your weight loss goal and weight loss in general isn't that important. How you want to feel in your body and how you want to look isn't that important.

Maybe you're, you say things or you have thoughts like, you know, other people have bigger problems than this. Like I, I shouldn't be thinking about this all the time. I shouldn't be so concerned with my weight or I've even heard like this is a first world problem. Like just minimizing it like There are other so called real problems, and this isn't a real problem, or it's vain, or it's self indulgent to spend time thinking about my weight, or even wanting to look different, okay?

And even despite all of these thoughts, there's something in us that just keeps us coming back to this goal, that keeps us wanting to look different. Maybe have a better relationship with food, feel in charge with food, or if nothing else just changed the way our shape is right now, just feel better in our clothes, feel more confident, feel like we are comfortable in our own skin.

There's a desire there that just won't go away. So that's what we're going to explore today. Because here's what I believe. Your desire to be in a body that you love It's not trivial. So this doesn't mean you actually need to release any weight to get there. In fact, the more at peace you can become with your body right now, the easier it will be to release the weight that you want.

How can this be? Because when you cultivate kindness. and acceptance towards yourself and your body, even if you don't feel particularly kind or accepting. And there's a distinction there, right? You can learn to cultivate or lean into being more kind and accepting without really feeling it, but based on your thoughts and your actions, you can cultivate it.

And you might be thinking, well, in general, I'm pretty nice to myself. Like I have a positive self concept. I have high self esteem and that's great. So what I want you to do, if that's the case, is just imagine what it might be like in this one area when it comes to food and your body, what 10x ing that kindness and acceptance would look like.

What it would look like to 10x the cultivation of kindness, and acceptance with zero change in your weight right now. Okay. So for example, cultivating kindness, let's talk about that. What does that even mean? Cultivating kindness towards your body might look like stopping at enough. This means that you are tuning in to what your body feels like as you were eating and stopping before you feel really full.

So, you know, You might not be feeling the emotion of kindness. He might not be feeling that kind when you do that, but maybe you're just feeling neutral. Maybe you're feeling focused or maybe you're feeling a little bit sad because you want a little bit more food. Right? Okay. Let's talk about cultivating acceptance.

Cultivating acceptance towards your body might mean. Buying clothes that fit you now instead of holding off and wearing clothes that aren't comfortable and you don't think you look great in them. You might not be feeling accepting of your body. Say when you're trying on those clothes at the size that you would rather not be in, but you feel at least neutral enough to where you believe you are deserving enough to feel comfortable in clothing and you are willing to spend money and spend time and effort on feeling like that, doing that for yourself.

I think often we just wait to reward ourselves with these kinds of things, like after we've lost some weight, then we will be more kind. Then we will 10X our kindness, maybe, maybe I'm probably not thinking of it that way, but like in our minds, we're just going to be way nicer to ourselves. We're going to tell ourselves really kind things about our bodies or treat them much better when we get to our natural weight or we hold off buying new clothes, like I talked about until we lose weight.

But just think of how that feels to do that. What message are you sending yourself that you aren't deserving where you are now? And you might imagine somebody in your life, maybe that's your best friend, or your sister, or your daughter, and I want you to imagine telling them they're not allowed to buy any new clothes until they lose weight.

Right? You would never, you would never say that to them. Why? Because it's so cruel and mean. They are deserving. They're deserving to feel good in the clothes that they are wearing right now. Okay? So just notice if you are holding yourself to a different standard that actually might be withholding kindness and acceptance from yourself.

Okay? So that's the growth. That's the leverage there. That's what's available to you to kind of grow into that person who is able to at least feel neutral enough to start believing that you are someone deserving of those things. Okay. And then what we do typically is when we hold off on being kind and accepting to ourselves until we release the weight, we really don't feel great.

And we take half measures when it comes to really doing the hard stuff, doing what's required to release weight. Not because we don't want it, not because we don't want the goal, but because our self concept is that we aren't truly deserving. So we do okay for a while. But then we just can't stick with it because something happens, life gets in the way, it gets really hard, someone gets sick, you get sick, something goes wrong.

And then we turn to food again. Why? Because we are not being kind, we are not being accepting to ourselves. Sometimes when I'm listening to things, I'll get little ideas or little like, Oh, I should mention this in the podcast, or this would be a great topic. And so I found this random post it note that I had, which said the difference could be the source.

So meaning the source could be I'm doing this because I need to be better than I am now. I'm not good enough I'm not deserving of the most exceptional kindness acceptance new clothes, right? How I am now or even maybe given that I overate yesterday or I ate off my plan or Or I ate off my plan over these last few weeks, like I've been off track or I've been, it's been snowballing or whatever it is.

Right. So again, the post it was like, the difference could be the source, the source of that energy of where is it coming from? Is it coming from, I'm doing this action. Like I'm trying to release weight because I need to be better than I am now. I'm not good enough. It's going to be very different than a compelling reason of I'm doing this for a For whatever, X, Y, Z, you get to decide why you're doing it.

I just offer that it will serve you best if it's a place of I'm sufficient and I want this. because for whatever reason that you want it, but it's not because you're not good enough as you are now. Okay. And you'll know that based on when you look at your actions, like where am I withholding kindness? I just use the clothing as an example, but there are other areas where you might be putting off any kinds of rewards or self care until you release the weight.

Okay. So you just want to take a look at that. There's this also this quote that I heard recently, and I might be misquoting. Okay. Don't know if I remember it exactly, but It was don't keep trying to fill the well. Tap the source. Okay. Tap the source again. It's like, what is, what is going to fuel you to get through the hard times?

Now I share this not to make you feel even worse and judge yourself for judging yourself. No, we simply want to be aware of what is fueling us and what is driving us and what we've been doing. Before, so that we can start approaching it in a new way. Okay. So again, we can feel like we have really high self esteem and in general, we like ourselves and this kind of like insufficiency when it comes to our eating and our weight can really sneak in and it just drains our energy and it kind of sabotages us.

So I want you to imagine. Being at your natural weight and totally feeling in control when it comes to food. What will that be like for you? Truly. Like, what will that be like for you? And you might think, you know what, I can't even imagine that. I have tried so many times, I've been dealing with this, I've been struggling with this for so long that I can't even imagine that for myself.

And that totally makes sense, especially if you've never experienced it before. So when I say that, when I say imagine that for yourself, when you try to tap into that idea, what you might meet. Is a sense of numbness, hopelessness, or you feel discouraged, and then you try to stop yourself from overeating, eating the ice cream and it feels impossible.

So instead, what I offer is that you could. Start giving yourself permission to want what you want and really pushing yourself to imagine a completely different life when it comes to food and body so that you feel engaged, hopeful, empowered. Think of how differently you would behave when there's ice cream, when that's your source, that's your fuel, when you're able to imagine something different and really tap into that.

Okay. So I just want to plant the seed that even if you can't imagine the reality of living at life, feeling completely in control with food. It doesn't mean it's not available to you. You just haven't given yourself permission to really commit to that because one, well, simply it's easier not to. And two, you've never really had that lived experience before that you can remember, but I would, you know, think that at some point you did at some point in your life, and maybe it was when you were a child, you did have a healthy relationship with food.

You just ate when you were really hungry and you stopped when you were full. Even if it's a stretch for you to believe that you could hit your weight loss goal or reach your natural weight, maybe you can get your brain on board to imagining that there could be a day where the cookies don't call to you, okay?

Where it's just normal for you to eat two meals a day, if that's what you want, or not snack or want dessert. It's possible for you. It might feel. Like it's an impossibility, but it is theoretically possible. Okay. That's where we can start sometimes. And if you start thinking of weight loss as a skillset, then it's much easier to wrap your head around.

Okay. So again, going back to the title of this, which is you've got this start with thinking of it as, Oh, this is a skillset. So I want you to imagine you could get better at eating only when you're physically hungry, always stopping at enough choosing foods that serve you. Saying no to yourself and others, letting cravings just wash over you, noticing the justification thoughts that you have to overeat, and again, letting them come and go without acting on them.

And reflecting on the number on the scale and your progress from a more neutral strategic mindset and then taking action from there, trying something else from there, from a neutral place. And as you get better and better at these skills, your weight loss becomes inevitable. So you'll reach and maintain your natural weight.

Weight range for the rest of your life because you've learned the skills. So if you've done it once, you can repeat it over and over and over again. It's not a quick fix because why? Because you've learned the skills and you're doing it in a way you're eating in a way that feels healthy. It's very simple and straightforward.

There's a sense of freedom and it feels good for you and your body. That is going to mean you're going to keep the weight off and that's what matters. Okay. So I want you to imagine just. Imagine for yourself that today's Wednesday, so you'll get up on a Wednesday. You won't feel sluggish from overeating the night before.

You'll look forward to your outfit rather than dreading what to wear and like trying on ten shirts and just throwing them all in the bed to pick up later. Then you'll go about your day focused on not food, but But on your family, your work, what matters to you most, maybe what you want to get done that day, and really doing nice things for yourself, like taking care of your body, getting a massage or buying a fun novel or something like that.

So you naturally are choosing healthy foods and you don't spend all day thinking about what you're going to eat or what you wish you could eat or any time. Lamenting on what you ate previously and feeling guilt or just feeling like I shouldn't have eaten all of that. Your meals are really in the background of your day, not the main focus.

This is why it matters because your weight loss goal is not trivial or vain or unimportant. You need to eat every day. So it's a relationship that needs to feel sustainable, it needs to feel like it's not draining your energy. If food and weight are on your mind a lot, for sure, that's going to drain your energy.

It's showing up in your capacity to concentrate, to focus, to work. Not eating optimally affects your sleep. It greatly affects your mood, your body image. for sure affects your mood and how you how present you are with the other people that you care about most. When your weight and food are in the background, it won't mean that you're not paying attention or even planning, you know, what you're going to be eating that day, but it will mean that It's more of a supportive element of your life.

Like you care about your weight, you care about food, and you spend time on them, and you spend time maybe like working out, or moving your body in a way that serves you, planning healthy meals, making sure that you have food in the pantry that serves you. But it's simply part of your lifestyle now. It's just who you are.

And it actually gives you energy. Because you really like that version of you, you like that self concept and when you like yourself and you are proud of who you are and the, the degree to which you take care of yourself, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and you are so much more present and engaged, not just with work and the activities that you're doing, but also with your friends and family and really anyone that you encounter.

So it matters. And it's worth the effort. It's worth investing time, money, mental energy towards figuring out why this is an issue in your life. Why food, weight is an issue at all. The root causes that you are turning to food So that you can really solve it once and for all so what I really want to leave you with in this episode is Simply a belief or a thought that no matter where you are whether you're super close and you only have five more pounds to go Or you're in that spot where you just feel like you're never gonna get there It's like, you know two steps forward and three steps back or something I just want you to know like it matters it makes a difference because what you want matters whether that's five pounds You or 50 pounds or a hundred pounds, whatever that is.

You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin. You deserve to feel amazing in your body every day. And whether you've got a little food drama going on or you consider yourself in food hell, okay, there is a solution and it's totally fixable and it's a set of skills that you need to learn. And you've totally got this.

Okay. I hope that was helpful. A little pick me up. Okay. And if you are interested in taking this work deeper and you're interested in working on mindset and really learning all of the skills that I've talked about and more, because there's, there's more skills that you need to learn in terms of managing your hormones, choosing foods that serve you, learning how to follow through, right?

It's not just the, what we're doing or how we're doing it. It's why we're doing it and taking a deeper look at that. But in a way that feels. Nourishing in a way that feels like personal growth and taking care of yourself. If you were interested in doing work like that to release the weight so that it stays off permanently and you really feel in charge around food, then I would love to work with you.

You can take the next step by going to my website or emailing me. You can go to mindful shape. com and just sign up on my wait list, or you can email me directly and we can set up a quick call. My email is Paula at mindful shape. com and I look forward to meeting you soon. Okay. Bye.