Ep. 114 Taking a Break Without Going Backwards

Hi, and welcome to the mindful shape podcast. I'm Paula Parker. I'm a life and weight loss coach. So I'm always talking about sustainable weight loss, meaning you want to avoid those crash diets when you are trying to lose weight, because why it's just not sustainable. You can't keep it up. And so any weight loss that you do see, you won't be able to sustain either.

So you'll go back to how you were eating before and then gain that weight right back. all know that this is happening, even though sometimes we still get a little bit drawn to those kind of quick fixes. Okay. So now I think your approach to weight loss, how you are making decisions around food should be healthy and reasonable enough.

to do for the rest of your life. My approach with clients is eat when you're physically hungry, stop it enough, and choose foods that serve you. At a foundational level, this is how we make food decisions. So how physically hungry am I? Have I reached enough and can stop eating? Does this food serve me, my body, my goals, how I want my relationship with food to be?

And that might include a piece of pumpkin pie sometimes, but it might not include two, right? So it's not an overindulgence. But it does include indulgences. Okay. So this foundational approach is very sustainable. It relies on your brain and tuning into your body. And you can do this at any age with any health condition at any stage of life, whether you're a postpartum, whether you're in pregnancy, whether you are going through menopause or in any country.

Because depending on whether where you live or where you're traveling the food options might be limited This is essentially a roadmap on how to not Overeat and overeating is going to be the opposite of all of that. It's going to be if you want to guarantee weight gain, you would do the opposite. You would eat regardless of physical hunger, you would eat past enough, and you would choose foods that don't serve you.

Foods that will spike your insulin and your blood sugar and put you into fat storage mode for longer. So you really shouldn't need a break from not overeating. This episode is called taking a break without going backwards. You really shouldn't need a break from not overeating. What I'm saying is what if your weight loss program had at its foundation, inherent flexibility so that you didn't need a break from it.

The reason you might feel like you do need a break is because you're doing so much like white knuckling around food and you're feeling resistance. And a note about resistance, resistance is good. It means change is happening. It means that there's a calling for more, that drive inside of you is alive and it's activated.

Otherwise you wouldn't be experiencing any resistance. So yeah, your way of eating shouldn't really require a break in quotations, but if you feel like you need one. from not overeating, then it means that you've got some overdesire for food going on. And that's cool. That's why you're here in my world, right?

We're working on that. Overdesire for food is your body just wanting more food than you need. So in the meantime, you may be saying, yeah, but I clicked on this episode because I really do feel like I need a break, but I also don't want to, you know, ruin my progress and gain all the weight back. So I am also here for that.

We need to start with why we need a break, why we want to break, which is to feel a sense of relief, to feel free, to feel like we have options, or rather to think that we have options. This is easy to navigate when you have a natural desire for food, when you don't have an over desire for food, when you have an over desire for food.

Freedom may look like, you know, overindulging and may look like eating whatever, whenever in an overeating kind of way. So when you have a natural desire for food, the amount of food and the foods that you want is at a natural level. So then you're not overeating, you're just like eating enough for your body and you don't gain weight.

So let's talk about how we can build in that sense of relief. without gaining the weight. One, the biggest thing is to avoid all or nothing thinking. So taking a break can look like simply maintaining your weight for a while. So it means you're not in active fat optimization mode every day. This doesn't mean overindulging, but it may include more indulgences than you're used to.

So The key is to decide intentionally, is to make that decision that, okay, I'm okay with maintaining my weight loss right now. I'm okay with maintaining my current weight range. This might look like having dessert, eating more often in the day, allowing hunger, but not intense hunger, having maybe cream in your coffee instead of having it black.

And yes, you can go back and forth. I have learned this for myself. The key to black coffee is light roast. Okay. All right. So taking a break can look like maybe not planning what you'll be eating very precisely or specifically ahead of time, but instead planning how you want to feel after you're eating, after you're done eating.

So You, do you want to feel stuffed and lethargic? Probably not. You'll likely want to feel satiated, comfortable, satisfied, grounded. That's where you want to be focused. Not on what you so called, you know, can't have like I can't have another cookie or I shouldn't eat more Instead it's more about how am I feeling in my body right now if I eat more if I have another cookie?

How might I feel then? How might I feel in my body? How might I feel tonight when I go to bed? How might I feel when I wake up the next morning? Your brain might say well if I take a break from weight loss I won't hit my goal in time. So what then? It will be what? A week later maybe? Okay. So what is the big rush anyways?

You're going to hit your goal. If you believe that you're going to hit your goal, then it's okay to take a so called break and be on maintenance mode for a little while. It's not a big problem at all. Okay. So the biggest risk to thinking of yourself on a break from releasing weight from weight loss. is that you will give yourself permission to go completely off the rails, to go into this all or nothing thinking.

Decide ahead of time what your break is going to look like. A break may literally mean just a few small changes, and that's enough to feel relief, to feel like you are doing something a little bit different. Number two is to take a good long look at that word freedom. So you'll say, I just want to eat whatever because I don't want to feel deprived or restricted.

I want to feel free. And so you then overeat or overindulge and you feel very trapped. You feel trapped in a body that doesn't feel like it's a right fit for you. You feel trapped with different health concerns, perhaps. You feel trapped by desire. Overdesire and cravings for food without the freedom to take it or leave it, to be one of those women, right?

So having overdesire for food is not freedom. It's a mental prison. I want to offer you a different definition of freedom when it comes to food. That freedom is saying no sometimes. It's saying no to others even if it's a bit uncomfortable for two seconds. It's saying no to yourself when it's so much easier just to say yes.

Freedom is feeling like you have choice and you exercise that choice. So try it. As an experiment, put yourself, you know, in harm's way. Go to a bakery and just order the coffee. Look at the ice cream in the freezer. Make a bowl even and then put it back. Practice being in control around food. Reclaim your freedom.

I know that might sound a bit odd. But why not have a little fun with it, play with it. You want to embody what that sense of power, that sense of freedom and feeling in charge, what that feels like in your body. Okay. So practice it. Number three is to look at other areas of your life that are causing stress and Making you feel like you need to turn to food just to cope.

So this is for those of you who are just feeling overworked, overstressed, overwhelmed, and at capacity. And so you say, I need to take a break from weight loss because I can't have yet another thing on my list. I can't have another thing to do to take up my energy and focus on when I have nothing left.

Nothing left in the tank. So I'm not gonna gloss over this, what state you're in. What you're experiencing by jumping straight to why not overeating will only help. Okay. No, this is a part of you who I think really needs to be validated. You need some validation. What you're feeling is valid. Women especially are doing so much.

The pace of life is You know, quick, it's moving quickly. You're doing so much for your family. You're doing a lot for your community, maybe for your church, for your employer. It's a lot. And so, you know, give yourself some credit. What does this part of you who's so busy efforting that they need food to cope, how can you take care of this part of you?

It will likely mean lowering your standards in some areas so that you can raise your standards when it comes to food. And your body. So can you do that? And still be nice to yourself and not, you know, feel guilty or feel like you're not doing enough. Can you say no? Can you say, look, you know what? I said I would come, but I can't.

I said I would do that thing, but I can't. Can you have the strength to do that? I remember not too long after my daughter was born. I, my husband took the kids and went to his parent's house and I was going to my book club and I was all ready and I was set to leave and I was about to leave the door.

And I thought, wow, the house is quiet, I have it all to myself, and they're going to be gone for like a couple of hours. I thought, what do I need? is to just stay home and have that time to myself. So I texted my book club group and just told them the situation. I was like, you know what? I'm so sorry. I'm not going to be able to be there.

I need to stay home. And do you know what they said when I talked to them later? They said, I am so glad that you did that. I am so glad that you took care of you. Right? So people in your life will be surprisingly supportive when you claim what it is that you really need. Okay? So you may need to show up a little less.

For everyone else so that you can show up a little bit more for yourself and guess what when you do show up for them one They'll know that you really want to be there and two You will be making better food choices because you won't be feeling so stressed and turning to food to cope Then you will have more energy You'll be in a better mood and you end up increasing your capacity to be there for other people Oftentimes when we take the food away, we see the pain that has been there all along under the surface in the basement And then it comes creeping up into the living room once we take the food away.

So instead of dealing with that pain, we will say, you know what, go back down to the basement. I need a break from losing weight. What we are really saying is I need to return to overeating to cope with my life, but not you. Okay. Not you. If you're listening to this, you may have needed the food in the past, but you no longer need it, which is why you are here, which is why you're ready to make this change.

Okay. So let's take a little bit of a shift and get a little bit more playful. Okay. Because what is the appeal of a break? If not a good time, we've talked about creating a sense of relief without going off the rails. What freedom can really mean and redefining that for yourself. Let's talk about creating some options.

There's this great expression in the coaching world that says awareness creates choice. Practice creates capacity when you are aware, when you are present, you're not doing things just simply because you did them, you know, yesterday you're on autopilot. You put this much yogurt in the bowl because that's how much you put in yesterday, right?

When you are paying attention, you make a choice. You have options. We are coming up to the holidays. Let's be real. It's December and it just feels like we're in the holidays already. I swear December 1. It's like you're in holiday mode I really invite you to take a look at your options when it comes to food and make your own rules This is of course applicable any time of the year, but especially during the holidays because during the holidays, there's less structure I mean this could be true for summer too, but there's more celebration.

There's more eating out So here's a guide to making your own rules When it comes to food with keeping reverence for your body, front and center, top of mind, a priority. All right. So here's some that I'm going to offer to you and then you pick and choose and use it as inspiration to really create your own rules.

But I want to expand the maybe the box that you're currently living in when it comes to food rules. You can eat dinner at 4. 4 p. m. I love eating dinner at 4 p. m. It really works for me, okay? You can do that. You can skip meals. Any meal, you can skip it. Your body is going to be fine. Your body is going to use the fat sores on your body, okay?

You can skip meals. You're not going to starve. Nothing bad is going to happen. You can eat cookies for lunch, if you want. I would offer that you might want to follow that up with a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar and some water or three tablespoons of lemon juice. In water to offset the blood sugar spike.

But nonetheless, you can have cookies for lunch if you want. You can say no to anyone at any time for any reason. You can throw away food. You can give away food. You can toss those amazingly decorated 100 year family recipe Christmas making your dear friend gave to you right in the compost. You can actually do that and no one will die.

You can decide that this year, you are one of those people who try it and don't finish it. One of my clients gave this to me recently. I thought, this is brilliant. She's like, I'm just going to try it. I'm not going to finish it. Like, yeah, you could just decide you're one of those people now. You know, it's not a magical unicorn thing.

You can decide that. Oh, I just try it. I don't finish it. You can have one to two bites. You can thoroughly enjoy it and put the fork down. You can eat the meal, not the snacks put out beforehand. You can just say, I'm going to this thing. I'm not going to eat any of the snacks. I put out, not going to eat the chips and I'm going to eat the chips and dip.

I'm not going to eat any of that. I'm just going to eat the meal. You can be the person that brings a healthy option. You can tell people, you know what? That gives me heartburn. You can tell people that I'm not going to have a glass of wine. It actually gives me heartburn. It actually interrupts with my sleep.

You can tell people that you can tell people, you know what? I don't really have a sweet tooth. Even if you are currently believing that you do, okay, with zero evidence, you can say I don't really have a sweet tooth. And the last one I will offer is that you make it a rule that you don't look at the either weekend or the whole holiday season as one big block of overindulgence.

But rather individual days, meals, bites, really choices of their own accord, independent of one another, so that you can create a fresh start for yourself on demand anytime you want. That's what I have for you today. I hope it was helpful. I will talk to you again soon. Bye