Ep. 59 Ditching Diet Mentality Shayla's Story

 Hi, and welcome to the Mindful Shape Podcast. I'm Paula Parker. Thought I would do a little intro to introduce this podcast episode. This is another client story, and I think this is a really good one because it really shows someone who has really stuck with it for the long haul and is thinking long term.

So Shayla and I talk about. , you know what it's like to be pregnant. At this point. I hadn't disclosed my pregnancy, sao you'll notice I don't touch on my pregnancy. But Shayla talks about hers and her relationship with her body and how that's a little bit different. And then also we just talk about the biggest thing, which is if you're in diet mentality and how to shift that kind of thinking.

Think you'll hear that she's made a lot of progress in that area. And is continuing to learn to implement all of the skills that she developed in our coaching relationship. And some of the, I think, really interesting side benefits that people don't expect when they get weight loss coaching. So of course we sign with the impetus to lose the weight, but I think this is a great example of all the other things that you gain from weight loss coaching.

PAULA: So I really wanted to share it with you because a lot of this podcast is really about weight loss as a side benefit to all of the other work and really the relationship that you have with yourself. So without further ado, I will get to the interview. Okay, great. So thank you so much for doing this.

I'll just dive right into the questions. My first question is, what was your goal coming in and why was it important to you?

SHAYLA: My goal coming in. To not have to go on medication for gestational diabetes. When we started, I was 10 weeks pregnant

PAULA: And why was that important to you?

SHAYLA: I'd had gestational diabetes with the baby before this, and I knew I would probably have it again, and I really didn't want to take Metformin while I was pregnant. I just, mm-hmm.  didn't want to, I didn't want to have to go through the whole rigmarole of testing my blood sugars and all that.

PAULA: And why did you think that you needed support to help you

SHAYLA: I felt like I couldn't get control of my eating like, and every time I tried to, I just felt like it. I would spiral into more overeating.

PAULA: And then what drew you to working with me?

SHAYLA: I found your podcast on Apple Podcasts and your voice and I, it's just so. I don't know. Like I resonated so much with what you were saying in the podcast that I think that I clicked in the description and it brought me to your website, and then I seen where you could schedule a session to see if it would work for you. Mm-hmm. . And honestly, when I did it, I totally thought that I wouldn't be able to, that I was just gonna be taking advantage of the free session.

Like, I was like, oh, like I probably will not be able to afford this, like, and. Yeah, it worked. Yeah. , so good.

PAULA: Well, I love that you were like, I probably, it probably won't work out, but I'm gonna try anyway and get the most out of it. Yeah. Because even the consultation sometimes that does happen and even in the consultation people still get value. So good that you're like, I'm just gonna see what happens. And then it turned out to be a match,.

Take me back to like when you signed up, like how did you feel? How were you feeling about your relationship with food at that time?

SHAYLA: Oh, I'm just imagining from that time how my relationship was with food.

Mm-hmm. , what I would've been doing. So I probably signed up and then got the date, I scheduled the date and the time and I probably ate until I was sick till that date and time.

PAULA: Why?

SHALYA: Because I was still deep in the diet brain. The restrictions were coming and I knew it, and so I got to, I had to eat everything I could before then.

PAULA: And that's one thing that we worked on a lot was that also nothing thinking the Diet starts Monday mentality, which I know for so many people is just pervasive. Tell me a little bit about your relationship with your body at that time. So you're 10 weeks pregnant.

SHAYLA: You know, pregnancy is a gift in itself when you are struggling with your relationship with your body because you have this growing thing on in your belly. This growing baby, which makes this makes your belly prettier.  not as saggy and flabby. So when I'm pregnant I can look in the mirror and see that bump and, okay, maybe I should say that when I criticize my body, it's mainly my stomach - my upper body, I tend to gain weight in my stomach, in my chest, and then my limbs. So having that there kind of covers up every. The other stuff.

PAULA: How do your thoughts differ? When you're pregnant and you have a baby in your belly? How do your thoughts differ from when you don't?

SHAYLA: Well, when I'm pregnant, I feel like my body is prettier and I'm able to look at it with more of a loving eyes, like just more forgiveness there. And then when I'm not, I'm a lot harsher. So like if I were to look in the mirror, yeah, I'm judging like.  The bra bulges, you know the little bit ? Yeah.

PAULA: And then, oh, so tell me about, so you had the baby. How do you feel now after doing some of the work there.

SHAYLA: I feel like I have a long way to go but I also can recognize that I've come so far.

PAULA: in what ways?

SHAYLA: We talked about the diet brain. I feel like in that way alone, I can see big improvements. So I have learned over this year that it's not a. , you know, it's a lifestyle and I know like before, like you'd hear those words and you just mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm.  didn't really believe it. But truly now I do believe that diets are temporary results.

And if you, if I think of it as a lifestyle, and I really liked how you would tell me, I had the tendency to put restrictions on myself, like, want to eat only this and this and this and this. And. Whatnot. But you would ask me, is that something you see yourself doing for the next three years? And that would really check me.

Like, okay, no, I don't see that sustainable for the next three years, so why would I do it now? I'll still use that in my head, like when I go, when I'm not doing the protocol and getting the results that I want, I tend to want to put all those restrictions on again, and then I have to remind myself, yeah. Is am I gonna do this for three years? Is it sustainable?

PAULA: Which is such a good point, right? Because if it's not sustainable, then the, the results are gonna be temporary anyways. Yeah. Kind of wasting your time. I love that you've integrated my question into your own kind of self litmus test of like checking your brain and being like, oh, where is this coming from?

Is this gonna serve me long term? So good. Is there anything else in terms of your relationship with food that's changed?

SHAYLA: Oh, I feel like there's lots. Another big thing that I've realized with food that I've learned is there's no good or bad food. That's something you've really helped me with.

PAULA: How has that served you?

SHAYLA: let's use chips for an example. Like as I was shoving the chips in my mouth, I'm thinking the whole time, this is bad, this is bad food. This is bad food, which doesn't help my brain to stop eating them. If anything, it makes more resistance. That, oh, this is a bad food. I'm already eating the bad food.

I better keep eating this bad food before I have to start eating the good food again.

PAULA: It's so counterintuitive cuz we think, oh, well, if I tell myself like that's off limits, that's bad, then I won't want it. But it does the reverse. It creates over desire for that because you're like, I shouldn't have it because it's bad. My brain's classifying it as bad, but I want it. So I'm just gonna hurry up and get it all in now and. , you know, tomorrow I won't have it anymore. As if then the desire tomorrow is not gonna be there anymore. It's never gonna be there ever again. It's what we tell ourselves. Of course it never is true, but when we can start saying it's just neutral, it's not a good or bad food, then it's you remove that over desire or at least partially so that you can start being like, oh, this is food I'm eating it right now, and I can stop at any time. It's not about I should or shouldn't.

SHAYLA: Yep. And alongside that, I would use, I used your recommendation of like, if I really want something telling myself I can have it tomorrow. If I really want it, I'll have it tomorrow.

PAULA: Why do you think it helps you?

SHAYLA: I think because it takes away the restriction, like it takes away the thoughts or that I'm, I can't have this, this is bad. Like you are able to plan for it and still have it. And so instead of saying, I can't have it when you tell yourself, I can have this tomorrow.

PAULA: right In 24 hours or whatever. Or if I want it for breakfast, I'll have it for breakfast, even if it's chocolate cake, right? And then what that creates is reduces the deprivation. Cause when you're thinking I can't have something, you feel deprived when you're thinking, I can have this and I'm gonna wait till tomorrow, just so that I'm consciously making the decision because I'm building trust with myself.

Then you remove that feeling of deprivation and you increase the feeling of being in charge or being, feeling in control around food.

What has been your favorite part of doing this kind of work?

SHAYLA: Learning to manage my mind. I think just learning and knowing that thoughts are optional. . I've told myself, like in, I'm trying to think of a way to say this, like all the examples that you would give me that, like you, you would share, that you, like you told your mind like I don't do overwhelm, for example, is so life changing.

It's huge. The most interesting part of coaching for me is learning to manage your mind and knowing that your thoughts create your feelings and that you can intentionally choose those thoughts to generate the feelings you wanna feel.

PAULA: Can you think of an example of when you've used that in the last little while?

SHAYLA : Back to the overwhelm. I mean, that's, I feel like a big example for me because honestly, I don't think I've really felt overwhelmed since we coached on it. I have six kids, so when the house is a bomb and I'm not doing the things that I want to do that day that I said I was going to do, I'm feeling like, Ooh, all this stuff is mounting.

And then that's when I would be like, oh, I'm so overwhelmed. I better eat those chips or that cookie, like the desire for it in that moment is huge. So taking out the overwhelm, like, well, this is life. All the kids are home, you know, for winter break or. Whatever, not all the time do I follow through and am able to set everything aside and then accomplish what I wanna accomplish.

It's probably about 50 50, but I guess the, I'm aware the times that I don't, or maybe give into the chips and cookie, I'm aware that I'm eating this because I'm feeling. This over the house being a mess or Right. Whatnot, like I'm aware and that I feel like progress in itself.

PAULA: Absolutely, because we can't change anything that's outside of our awareness. So at least we can be like, okay, I'm overeating right now, or I'm emotionally eating because I'm thinking whatever. I'm thinking. That's creating overwhelm. And then for you, you. Okay. I don't actually even feel overwhelmed as often because I'm not thinking, oh, this is too much to handle, or something has gone wrong here.

You're thinking, oh well the kids are home. More factual versus this is a problem.

So you released up to 25 pounds, but what other transformations would you say you got from this?

SHAYLA: Oh, so many. As soon as you said that, I checked my mind  because you said you released up to 25 pounds and my first thought was to judge myself.

Like, it was like, oh, a year, only 25 pounds. But I stopped it. Okay. I was like, okay. And then I instantly went to other things. So I feel like one thing I'm continually working on, Compassion for myself and learning. Like I want to keep learning to love myself, but I say compassion because I had a baby in that year.

And I feel like if I tell myself that, and I say that in the same sentence of I lost 25 pounds and I had a baby, that's, that's pretty good. There's a lot of sleepless nights and a lot of desire that comes with that.

Paula: It's a lot to accomplish in one year. All right. Did anything, was there anything that surprised you about doing this work?

SHALYA: Yes. I don't know if it's because I've learned to manage my thought that I'm not as quick to maybe cast blame or judge others. Even with my kids, I'm able to look within and notice maybe what's going on within me that's making me do this.

So I don't know. Would that be self-awareness?

PAULA: Yeah. I would call that self-awareness. . Right? And then the result that you create is more of like, you're just maybe less reactive, a little bit more mellow, less reactive, cuz you're aware what's happening internally, your thoughts and feelings that are creating your actions versus the kids are screaming, that's why I'm doing, that's why I'm screaming back  or whatever.

That's awesome because that is definitely surprising when you think of you signed up for weight loss and then you get mellowed after it.

What do you think other women need to know about reaching their weight loss goal and keeping the weight off?

SHAYLA: I wish other women could know that diets are temporary and create temporary results, and that if they new that their thoughts created their feelings and certain thoughts were optional. The results, they stick around. Slower results are long term, and I found myself getting on myself about that, but then the progress that is being made elsewhere, like in my mind, is gonna, is much more valuable than 10 pounds in one month.

PAULA: Because it's like we're playing the long-term game. You invest in your mind and then you'll see those dividends happen for the rest of your life.

SHAYLA: It's hard though because. Not everybody, not other, all other women are ready. And so I can get very passionate about what I'm currently doing and want to share that. But I have to remember that everybody's at different points in their life and they're not all always ready for coaching or being able to do this kind of work. They'll have to get there.

PAULA: Yeah. And how whenever they get there is perfectly fine.

SHAYLA: Yes. I've had to tell myself that. Me doing the work and me changing myself will encourage them. They'll notice the changes in me and then become curious.

PAULA: My last question is, what's next for you on this journey?

SHAYLA: I have decided that I am going to continue to work on myself and loving myself because I do think that when I reach my goal, it doesn't work to love yourself then, like I, I have learned that from you, that you love yourself now in order to reach your goal. I wanna continue to grow in that.

PAULA: Okay, great. So I love all your like insights about how you've just shifted, first of all, all the self-awareness that you've gained and then how you've shifted your thoughts around - I know my thoughts create my feelings.

Just that insight alone will be such a good foundation for all your goals going forward.

SHAYLA: Yes. And I have to remember, I remind myself that this was only one year people coach, people do for years, you know, before they get to where they want to be.

PAULA: Yeah, exactly. And I think you're such a good example of like for other one, anyone else listening, it's like the journey doesn't end and it doesn't end even if you reach your goal. Cuz then it's just more about continuing to manage your mind, continuing to hold space for your feelings, and you continue on with your growth. And maybe your focus isn't on weight loss anymore. Maybe it's on something else, but it's not like it ends, it's just a continuation. And so now you're just entering the next chapter.

SHAYLA: Yep. And I'm excited for it.

PAULA: So good. Okay. Well you definitely have to keep me updated on your progress. Keep in touch and let me know how it goes cuz I can't wait to like cheer you on. Okay. Well, and thanks again so much. I know we went a little bit over time, but thank you so much for taking the time to just share your experience and talk really openly and honestly about, you know, the ups and downs and as you continue on this journey.

SHAYLA: You are welcome and thank you.