Ep. 58 How to Trust Yourself Around Food

 Hi, and welcome to The Mindful Shape Podcast. I'm Paula Parker, and I'm a life and weight loss coach. So you may be able to hear, I still have a little bit of a cold. Doesn't seem to be going away. I think this is about a month now. We're going strong. However, I hope you'll still get a lot of benefit out of this episode, even if my voice is a little bit sickly , it doesn't sound so great, but I'm really excited about.

Topic, and I just feel like this is a really juicy episode that you're gonna get a lot of value out of. So I'm super pumped about sharing it with you. So of course you read in the title, the topic is How to Trust Yourself around Food. Okay? So really what I'm thinking about here is how do we overcome a.

Those overpowering desires to eat food that are off our protocol that you might be thinking of as bad for you or unhealthy or foods, any kind of foods that just are not serving your weight loss goals. Okay? That's what we're talking about here. So people's biggest challenge and what to do about it. So I'm gonna go through what you might think is the problem.

what I see as being the true problem. And then I'm gonna offer a really detailed solution and a way of implementing it so that this will be less of a problem for you and you'll be able to reach your goals. Okay, so let's get started. So the first thing you might be thinking in terms of why you're not seeing the success that you want, or why you're unable to say no to your desire to eat foods that like our sugar flour, deep fried foods, that kind of thing.

and you think it's because you're not motivated enough. So of course in the beginning you're really motivated right when you start out, but then your motivation wanes and you start thinking that you can't trust yourself around food because his desire is so strong. Or you might be thinking that you can't trust yourself around food because you just love food so much.

You're a big foodie, or that it's just so d. , right? You're like, food is just so delicious, I can't turn it down. That kind of thing. And then the last thing that you might be thinking is that you can't have certain foods around, because if they're there, you're going to eat them as if you have no control whatsoever.

So, you know, this is you, if you are like not allowing certain foods to be in your house, right? And you tell you. You're not allowed to bring that in or if you're like throwing things away because you just don't want the temptation. I'm talking to you here, right? So you're probably thinking that you need more willpower, that if you only had more willpower, and maybe if you were a more disciplined person, then it wouldn't be a problem.

You'd be able to resist them. So all of this is really faulty thinking, but it builds a self-concept of someone who cannot be trusted around food. That's what we're gonna talk about today. So here's what I see as what's really going on. The first is, it's a mistake to think that you are gonna be motivated the entire time, right?

That's like saying that you're gonna stay in one emotion. So I want you to imagine, I've used this example before. I want you to imagine that. I say, okay, you're gonna stay sad. For the whole week or maybe two weeks, you're just gonna stay sad no matter what happens. You will be sad. You're gonna be feeling sad the entire time.

That makes no sense. It's like, of course you're gonna laugh at something, you're maybe your kid says something funny. You're gonna move out of that sadness. But somehow we think that motivation is a different emotion and that somehow we need to be feeling motivated to reach our goal, and we need to stay in motivation.

The entire time. And for some of us that may look like a year , right? Which is just, it's too big of an expectation. We can't possibly be feeling motivated every minute of the day. So if you're thinking that you really wanna question it, because when we think that, then what we try to do is we try to summon up that feeling of motivation in the moment.

So that's more of like a willpower, right? We try to cultivate willpower in real time of wanting the. So that can look like, okay, I really want the food that's in front of me. What's my goal weight again, why am I doing this? All of that, right? And it almost never works. So that's the first thing, is we need to really clear up the idea that you need to stay motivated the entire time.

Usually we can't change the thought fast enough, in which case we must allow the feeling that we're experiencing even though it might be uncomfortable. So instead of trying to change the thought in the moment that you're having a craving, or the moment that you really want something, it's gonna be hard to change the thought that you don't want it or that your goal is more important to you.

In that moment, your emotion or say your desire is gonna be really high, which means it's hard to change. So what I suggest in that time is to really sink into the feeling and connect with your body, and I'll go into more detail about solutions, but I just kind of wanna explain where I'm going here. So don't worry about changing the thought in that moment.

We'll talk about when to do thought work and it isn't then . It's before and it's after, but it's not during. You're in that intense moment. Okay. So that's the first one is thinking that you need to stay motivated the entire time. You're not going to, and you shouldn't expect yourself to, but there are ways to continue taking action even when you don't feel very motivated.

And we're gonna talk about that and how to do that. Okay. The second is just the way you're thinking about food might be giving it a lot more power than you're really intending. So I want you to think about maybe a food that you is, like a weakness for you. Something that you're thinking, oh this, this always gets in my way.

Okay. Can you have that food in mind? I want you to think about even how you talk about it or how you think about it. So how you're thinking about it right now is creating a level of desire for that thing. And let's just say it's really high. It's like 10 outta 10, your desire for that food that always gets in the way.

So then I want you to think about if you are a non-smoker, what you think about cigarettes, whatever you think about. If you're a non-smoker, is gonna be creating that level of desire. So if you don't smoke, you're gonna be thinking it's unhealthy, you're gonna be thinking it stinks, all these negative things, right?

All of those thoughts that you're having are creating a level of desire for cigarettes, and that desire, of course, based on your thinking, is gonna be really low. And so it's just really important to know that you have control over how you're thinking about food. So some of you're gonna be like, but no, I really do believe that.

Like I can't just change my thought. I can't just think, oh, it's an unhealthy food and not like it anymore. Fair enough. But what you can do is start thinking, well, maybe it's not as amazing. as I'm describing it. Maybe it is just food that tastes delicious and that's it. And maybe you can notch down the desire by also remembering the effect that it might have in your body, how you're gonna feel after you eat it, the effect that it's gonna have on the scale for a few days, that kind of thing.

Right? So it's not to say that you are replacing the thoughts, you're just expanding. Your concept, your thinking about it to help you decrease that desire? Yeah, it's delicious and it really interrupts my sleep. This happens a lot for a lot of my clients who don't come to me for, to reduce their drinking, but they do end up reducing their drinking for.

Releasing weight, and what they notice is that it's one of the first things to go in terms of not being worth it. It interrupts with your sleep. You don't feel as good the next day. You feel really foggy in your head, and even while you're drinking, you're less likely to make the kind of choices that you wanna make.

So typically what my clients will find is when they come in, their desire for alcohol is higher and it reduces over time. One of the main thoughts that they're thinking to reduce that desire is it's not worth. So you might be thinking, well, how can I start thinking about the foods that right now just have so much power, like I give them so much charge?

How could you be thinking about them a little bit differently? So something to explore there. A big one that helps reduce desire is thinking that it's a bad food, right? Or thinking that you shouldn't have it, that actually can increase desire. So I remember it was kind of a funny story because I think at some point, way back when my sister-in-law had asked me what my favorite meal was, or favorite food, and I guess I said nachos.

I have no memory of this, but I do remember a time in my life where nachos was a really big treat, right? Because I didn't allow. , that kind of food. So I would never eat nachos because in my head it was like a bad food. You'd gain weight. It was not a good food. So when I, so I did crave it, I did want it all the time, and when I did have it, it was like so amplified.

It was like this huge thing. And so for my birthday, one year she remembered this and she made this huge thing of nachos and it was fine, but when she said, oh, I made it because it was your favorite. I was like, what? Like this is not my favorite food at all, because I had changed my thinking. Now, did nachos taste worse?

No. They still tasted the same, but my thoughts about them were so different. Right. It was more take it or leave it. I mean, yeah, they're fine, but they're not like the biggest thing. My desire for them had decreased based on how I was thinking. Also, probably based on just how I was approaching food and my life in general.

It had an effect. So interest. . Okay. The next part of the problem is that your current strategy relies on willpower. Now, I mentioned this in the beginning, right? Of course. When I'm talking about willpower, I'm talking about the ability to resist short-term pleasure for longer-term gain. . Of course it works in the beginning.

When you're really motivated, you can rely on willpower, and your belief in yourself is very high in the beginning, right? But when both of those wain, which they will, you blame yourself. You say, I'm not motivated. You blame yourself. You think you should be motivated. And then when you're blaming yourself, you feel terrible.

You're more likely to go into that. You know, binge and restrict cycle and or just overeating to self sooth, even if it's a small amount of overeating. So all of this, as I mentioned, builds a self-concept of someone who doesn't follow through when it comes to food, someone who can't be trusted, you then believe you have no self-control, no self-discipline when it comes to food, or maybe even working out.

So you plan to work out and then you don't follow through, and then you make up a story about yourself that you aren't somebody who works out or you aren't somebody who follows. Then we don't trust ourselves around food or when we make plans with ourselves because we have so much evidence. Our brain focuses on all of the times.

We overate all of the times. We missed a workout all of the times we ate against our will. You know that experience and ignores all the times. We actually did follow through and we actually did make healthy choices. It also ignores the area in our lives. We are super disciplined. So for example, taking care of our kids.

Usually we will take care of our kids no matter what, even if it's at the expense of ourselves or our pet. For those of you who don't have kids, usually your pet is like number one priority. Of course, sh showing up for work even when we don't feel like it. We all show up for work and. Even really small things that you might not even be thinking about that you totally take for granted that you do all the time.

That actually require, at first some level of discipline, whether it's taking a shower or brushing your teeth. It's not that fun. You don't get a big reward from brushing your teeth, but you have the discipline to do it even when you don't feel like it. . Okay. So when we start thinking this way that we have no control, that we can't trust ourselves, we feel really helpless, we feel powerless, and that feeling will lead to, of course, eating the food.

When you think you are somebody who can't be trusted, who can't trust themselves, then you're gonna show up that way. When it comes to food, that's how you're gonna be making your decisions from that found. . And then the last part of this is some of you just have no strategy at all. No plan. This can happen sometimes, like if you're going on vacation or that kind of thing.

And it's the, let's see how it goes. Strategy. Let's hope. Let's hope that it goes well. But hope is not a strategy again. We're just relying on what we're going to think and feel like doing in that moment. And the way that our brain is wired, it's always gonna choose pleasure. It's gonna choose pleasure over pain, and so of.

We want to have some sort of plan in place. Even if it's a flexible plan, you still wanna be intentional with how you're showing up when you're on a weight loss journey. That's kind of how it is. Okay. What is the solution? We are whipping along here. We need to change that self-concept. So we need to change your self concept from someone who doesn't believe they can trust themselves around food, that they'll just give in eventually to someone who can always trust themselves when it comes to food, no matter what.

So how do we do this? When you don't have trust in yourself, you need to focus on action. It's like if you can imagine somebody cheated on you and then, but you stay together and they can talk a good game, right? They can say over and over and over again that they're never gonna do it. That they're never gonna text that X person or they're never gonna, you know, cheat on you again.

But you'll only be able to trust them again if you see them never texting, if you see them never cheating on you. It doesn't matter what they say, it's gonna show up in their actions. That's what you're gonna believe. And it's the same with yourself. Even your own brain is gonna believe it when it sees it.

So you need to be taking action and I'm gonna tell you next exactly how to do that, especially when you don't have motivation. So plan on not feeling like it ever. . If you do feel like it, then that's a bonus, but we're still gonna take action. So to take this kind of consistent action, you need more than just a food plan or a workout plan.

That's where we go wrong. We go to the action line of like, okay, what do we need to do in terms of. What we need to eat and what we need to do to move our bodies. That is all great, but here's why it falls short. What you really need is a mental plan, . Okay? So how do we create a mental plan? I'm gonna give you literally step by step.

You might wanna get out a notebook or you can save this for later. Otherwise you can check, there's gonna be a transcript on my website and so you can always check the transcript. These exercises in this in detail so you can write it down. Okay. Also, I don't know if you can hear, but it's very, very windy here.

So as you know, I live on Vancouver Island and when you live on an island some days you get the wind . And right now I can hear my mailbox opening and closing cuz it's so windy. So I apologize if you can hear that in the background, but I'm just gonna keep going. We're just gonna rock it. Okay. How to create a mental plan.

So first, know that Motivat. That you feel in the beginning will be temporary. Just like any other emotion, it's gonna dissipate. It's gonna come and go. Also, the belief that you have in yourself that you start out with, like the idea that it's possible to even achieve your goal will be high before you start running into obstacles, before life gets in the way, which of course it.

We know this, right? So I want you to think of this as stage one. It's amazing. We love stage one, right? That's why the diet starts tomorrow. Mentality is so attractive cuz it, it's so alluring, it feels so good. It's like, yes, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna start first thing in the morning. I can totally do it.

Your motivation is really high, even if it's just because you wanna get out of the pain that you're currently in. Okay? But stage one, that's where stage one is high motivation, high self. But we know that diminishes and that's totally natural. Then you say hello to stage two. This is also known as the river of misery.

Okay, so over in stage one, I want you to imagine you're just up on the bank. It's sunny the water of the river's glistening, and you're looking over at the other side and you think, okay, this time I'm really gonna get there. And it feels great. , but not in stage two. In stage two. Now you're in the water.

It's deeper, it's colder, right? And there are more rapids than you expected. I grew up in the Rockies in a small town and there are lots of ponds and lakes and little streams and that kind of thing. And our biggest fear was leeches, right? So you put your foot, you'd walk through a pond or a stream, and then you'd pull.

Foot out and it was covered in these little black leeches. I mean, as a kid, I mean, even now actually, it's kind of terrifying. So I want you to imagine that's where you are. You're in the river of misery. You can feel the leeches coming on . Okay, so. It's here in stage two that we often give in, right?

Because we're, again, our willpower is just not strong here and we can't rely on willpower. So your mental plan for stage two is this. First, decide what emotions other than willpower you will either need to overcome or generate with your thoughts or the emotions you will need to process and. So that was really important.

So I'm just gonna repeat what I just said. In stage two, what you need to do is decide what emotions you either need to overcome or generate with your thoughts or the emotions that you will need to process and release. So I'm gonna give you some really specific examples so you know what I'm talking about.

Here's what I mean. When you're in stage two, when you're in the river of misery and you're all, your motivation is gone, or it's starting to wane and dipping, and your belief that you will ever reach, your goal is just tiny. You'll need to generate some of these emotions, if not all of them, and probably more I'd encourage you to make a list.

Compassion, trust, focus, patience, determination. and curiosity. Those are just ones that I came up with, but I really encourage you to make a list. What are the emotions that you will likely need to generate on purpose while you are in this river of misery? Those might be unique to you. You might be thinking of some other ones.

Even now. You'll also likely need to change how you're currently thinking to overcome feelings of self-pity, tiredness, exhaustion, despair. Frustration and fear that is never gonna happen for you. And then lastly, there's other emotions that you will want to process. And I talked a lot about how to process and release emotion and those kind of emotions that typically come up that I think are really healthy to process and, and not be afraid of are disappointment, discomfort.

and anger. So now I'll illustrate exactly how to approach these emotions. So how do you generate emotions? How do you overcome some of these emotions? And then how do you process? Let's talk about that. So how do you generate an emotion? Like patience? It's always with your thoughts. If you're currently thinking the rate of your weight loss is too slow, that thought is going to generate imp.

When you're feeling impatient, what we typically do is we start going into that black and white thinking and either go overboard with food or restrict and get into that pattern of like swinging back and forth. So impatience doesn't serve you because even if you're not swinging back and forth, it's the energy with which you're showing up.

It's how you're relating to your body, it's how you're relating to your efforts and food that just is. Sucks the energy out of you, right? You're not doing it with any kind of enthusiasm or you're not doing it with any kind of, this is who I am, and intentionally, it's draining you energetically. When you're feeling impatient.

What do you need to be thinking in order to cultivate patience? . Here are some thoughts that I will offer to you that you might want to think on purpose for cultivating patients. One is it will take as long as it takes. I'm getting there. It will take as long as it takes. If you are in it for the long haul, then you're gonna be with yourself.

No matter if that's three months, six months, two years, okay? You're gonna be with yourself and you're gonna get. Second one is, there is no rush when I know it's on its way. So again, I've used this example of like when you order something on Amazon or just order anything online in general, these days when you order something, you're not so worried about it.

You know it's coming. So just practicing that thought, you're not gonna believe all these thoughts right away. That's okay. You're just trying them on, it's like trying them on like clothes. You're just trying them on, see how it feels, right, and, and practice. And if some don't resonate with you at all, you're like, I'm zero in belief on that thought, then it's not gonna work for you.

So just disregard. Find something else that works that cultivates that patience for you. The next one is, the only thing between me and my goal weight are days on a calendar. That might be patience, that might be more determination. I'm not quite sure, but that's how I want you to think about it. The only thing that would get in your way is days on the calendar because it's definitely happening.

Next one is slow is better. , I have I have a couple of more client testimonials that I'm gonna be sharing on the podcast, and that's an interesting thing that has come out, which is they've said, you know, it was slower than I wanted, but now I see that actually slow is better. So if you can think of that beforehand, that's gonna alleviate a lot of suffering while you're on your way.

Some of the things I say is slow is better because they're integrating what they're learning, right? Which takes time and it's less likely to come back on. We know that when we drop weight really quickly, there's just more chance that it's gonna come right back. There's lots of reasons for that.

Self-concept is a huge one, but that's for another podcast episode. Okay. The last one that I have for you, and it's a bit of a doozy because you're very unlikely to believe it , but I just want you to try it on as an idea that it actually won't be better over there. It won't be better. at your goal weight than it is now.

Now, I know your brain is like, but it, why am I doing this? Then? Like that's the whole point. Like, of course it's gonna be better and it will be better in some ways, but it's not gonna be better in others. , it's just gonna be different. So I'll explain that. What I mean by that is you're sitting on a one bank of the river, you're looking at the river of misery you see on the other side, and it just looks like roses and daisies.

I remember, I, I dunno if I mentioned this on the podcast before. I lived in this apartment in Vancouver, and my neighbor in my, my, she's probably the same age as me, I would say, and in my mind, she just had the perfect body. It was like she just has a perfect body. She's like lean, she's fit, but like she's still very feminine and in my brain, It was, it's funny to kind of look on now and kind of laugh at myself, but in my brain I was like, she has a perfect life.

Like how could she ever be upset with a body like that? Like how could she ever experience a negative emotion? Right. So of course it's not true. Right? And I got to know her a little bit more and realized, of course she has problems. Of course she has things that she's working through, right? Just because you reach your goal weight doesn't mean it's your life is gonna be so much better now.

In some ways it definitely will be. I'm sure you can imagine, I don't need to go into that. There's gonna be some things that are a lot better, but you know what's not better? not being able to just eat whatever you want, whenever you want, as much as you want. , right? That's not better. What's not better is having to allow cravings, allow urges without just hitting the escape.

and getting out of that feeling, that's not better. So there are trade-offs and, and so when your brain tells you, oh, now you have to suffer, but it's gonna be so much better over there, it's just gonna be different. So if you can kind of wrap your brain around that and it might take a little, it took me a very long time to come to terms with that.

And maybe I'm still working on it a little bit, to be honest. But what it has done for me, Really cultivated a lot of patience because if it's not so much better over there, then I can focus on, well, what's good about now? How can I like so cliche, but how can I enjoy the journey a little bit more?

You're just in less of a rush when you, you're aware that it's still gonna be a 50 50 life experience in terms of your emotions, even when you reach your. . And for those of you who have lost significant amount of weight, and I know I get emails, which is so amazing. I love it when you email me and say, I have lost, you know, 25 pounds just listening to your podcast.

Like that blows my mind. Like that's so rewarding. And so even if that's you and you're on that journey and you've already lost a lot of weight, want you to think about how, if you were to think back to when you had lost only say one pound or something, what you thought it would be like, , you probably thought, oh, once I lose 25 pounds or once I lose 30 pounds, it's gonna be so much better.

And you might notice it is better in some ways, but overall it's not like it's so amazing, like it's so different. Okay. So just something to keep in mind. That's all I will say about that. Went on a little bit longer than I planned. But that's what I mean when I say do thought work and especially do thought work on paper.

You wanna see what you're currently thinking. Plan intentionally to think things that will offset some of that thinking that doesn't serve you. What do you need to be thinking on purpose? Now? What about overcoming those emotions that keep you stuck? I'm talking about like exhaustion. Let's talk about that.

How willing. Will you be to work through being tired, feeling exhausted, whether that's physically or emotionally, or both at the same time, , you're a human, which means it's likely that this is gonna come up for you at some point. The point of your mental plan is to anticipate all of these types of emotions and physical sensations and be prepared for them, decide in advance that you're willing to take.

Even when you're exhausted, even when you're tired, and how you will go about doing that. Don't tell yourself that. You're just gonna be motivated the whole time and you're never gonna get tired. Of course you are. So what is your plan of action when you finish work on a Friday, you're exhausted, there's no food in the house, and you just want to eat all of the things , or get like a takeout or whatever.

How will you ensure that you have your own. and that you stick to your protocol. Whether that looks like, you know, planning for an exception that night, having frozen meals prepared already in the freezer, doing some sort of healthy takeout, some takeout, that's still gonna be within your protocol guidelines.

Maybe that's your spouse's night to cook , right? You decide in advance, this is the night not good for me. It's your turn to cut, or you make sure that you have leftover. Or what I'm a big proponent of is a super boring dinner. So I will look through our cupboards and our fridge and throw together something that's pretty boring, but just staples that we always have in the house.

So boring dinner is always an option. And lastly, there will be emotions you simply need to feel. I mentioned disappointment, which is really sadness. I mentioned discomfort, both physical and emotional, and anger. So for this, there's no thought work required. All you need to do is connect with your body and allow the emotion so you can decide now as part of your mental plan, which emotions are allowed on this weight loss journey of mine.

So which emotions am I going to allow? Which are allowed? Which am I saying, okay to then when they come up, you can hold space for yourself until they dissipate. And here's the good news. If you have this mental plan in place for stage two, for that river of misery, you will move to stage three . Think of it as if you're still in the river.

but the water is now calm and tranquil. You are in the rhythm now. You have momentum. You've worked through your emotions to follow through, and you're starting to think, you know what? This is getting easier and I can really do it. Those are the types of things you're thinking in stage three, and then when you've gone through that, you'll get to stage four, which is when things are just really on autopilot for you at this point, and you truly believe you're gonna reach your.

Okay, so when we don't have a mental plan, we let those emotions get the better of us. The frustration, the exhaustion, it takes us down and we don't follow through. We feel even more disappointed in ourselves. So I want you to imagine if part of your mental plan was this, there is nothing you can do to disappoint me.

I just heard that and I thought it was so beautiful. Imagine if you told yourself that there is nothing that you could do to disappoint. Imagine how you might show up in life if that was the case. I think a big reason why we don't take big risks, why we don't set big goals like I want you to imagine is there a goal that you have in mind, whether it's like financial or within your career, or maybe it's your weight loss or like something that you really wanna wear that you wouldn't even dare to speak out loud.

It's like a, it's like a secret goal. Do you know what I mean? Like you don't wanna tell anybody. And part of that might be if you haven't set that as a goal for yourself, part of it might be because you don't wanna disappoint yourself. But how might that change if there was nothing that you could do to disappoint yourself?

Something to think about. Little tangent. Okay. Remember, you are always in control. Always. It's the most important thing you can know about yourself, even when you feel out of control around food, and even when it feels like you're eating against your own will. Every bite is a new decision, a new choice that you are in complete control of because nobody is forcing you.

you are moving your. And putting the food to your mouth, right? Going back to self-image and trust around food, we can imagine that someone who thinks of themselves as highly disciplined or having a lot of self-discipline would for sure trust themselves around food. So let's talk about self-discipline for a bit.

How would you rate your level of self-discipline right now? How self-disciplined do you consider yourself from maybe one to 10? 10 being highly self-disciplined, meaning when you say you're gonna do something, it's as good as done. I would maybe rate myself at about an eight personally, but I've also had to work to get there.

I don't think I've always been at an eight at that high. But cultivating self-discipline matters. We need to rely on it when the willpower runs out, which of course we know it's going to. So when you think of yourself as someone who's self-disciplined, you'll trust yourself around. It's like when you think of yourself as a non-smoker and you have lots of anti-D desire thoughts about cigarettes, you don't need an ounce of self-discipline when someone offers you a cigarette.

It's the same thing if, say some Hawkeye hits on you and you're married, right, or you're in a relationship, you might be flattered, but you're not going to need to whiten knuckle your way from going home. Right. It doesn't occur to you because you think of yourself as someone committed to their relationship.

Even if you have those thoughts and entertain that idea in your head for a split second, , you're still not requiring much, if any self-discipline here has to do with decisions that you've made ahead of time. And also your self-concept. So when it comes to food, if you wanna start changing your self-concept into a more self-disciplined person, I'm gonna give you steps on exactly how to do that.

So get out your notepads, recognize the areas in which you practice discipline. Already what I'm talking about here is when you're doing the things you don't feel like doing in the moment. We do this all day, every day, and I know. I would say the majority of my clients are women who are very accomplished.

So they're very accomplished in other aspects of their life with their family, in recreation, in their career. So lots of areas. They've practiced self-discipline to get where they are. We want to recognize that and start noticing that, wow, we do have a lot of self-discipline. We are not somebody, just because we overeat, it doesn't mean we're not self-disciplined at all.

Re conceptual. Yourself in that way. Number two, start creating evidence by making just tiny little mini commitments. I've talked about this before in like minimum baseline concept. Instead of asking your brain, how am I going to be disciplined enough to lose 60 pounds? Ask what is one thing I can do today to bring me closer to releasing the next five pounds?

Focus on the next five pounds and a little mini commitment that you can. Just today, even if that's, I'm gonna drink more water. I'm gonna pay attention to my hunger signals today. That will, and that will help me get to the next, releasing the next five pounds. Number three, start thinking of self-discipline as self-love.

So this is kind of an interesting one. It really lands for me. I'd be curious to know if it lands for you. . I mentioned this to a client recently and and she saw them as very different and opposed. The way that she thought about it still really worked for her and she was able to implement self-discipline.

But for me, I don't know, maybe I had a negative association with self-discipline before. I kind of thought of it as like a bit of a Navy seal tough guy thing, and something that would be like more like white knuckling or more like low energy or not feeling good, doing things you don't like doing and feeling really terrible.

And so thinking of it as an act of self-love, I don't know, en lightened it for me, made it different. Made it seem like, wow, if I started thinking of self-discipline as self-love, I would relate to it with much less resistance. So I just wanna offer that to you for your thinking. Wow. You know, I really wanna optimize my fat loss over the next little while cuz you have something coming up or just for whatever reason, instead of thinking I'm gonna have to be so self-disciplined, what if you thought I'm just gonna have to really amp up my self-love?

Like my self-love is gonna have to go through the roof in the next couple of weeks. I don't know. I just kind of love that concept. Okay, number four is decide on excuses ahead of time. There will be times. It makes sense to not follow through. So I want you to think about them ahead of time so that when that comes up, you don't beat yourself up about it.

And when your brain offers a different excuse, you will be onto yourself. You'll be like, no, this was not an excuse that I deemed worthy of not following through. So let's use an example. Let's use an you use a really easy one. Like say you had decided to go for a run after work and then. Your excuse list might be, well, I'll go for a run.

However, if my child needs to be picked up from school or something like that, then that's a legitimate excuse because maybe there's nobody else to pick them up, that kind of thing, right? So you're just deciding ahead of time and then if that happens, you're not beating yourself up for it. You're like, no, that was a legit excuse.

I really like my reasons. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you like your reasons. So you might wanna be thinking about excuses. Okay. And the last one is give yourself credit for the small wins. So remember I said number two was make mini commitments so you can get some small wins. But then what we typically do is we just ignore those

We're like, you know, we're so focused on the result that if we don't see the results, then we're not gonna give ourselves any credit for the work that we've been putting in. So that's a huge one. I know it seems small or maybe silly. , but it's how we build momentum. I think I've mentioned this before, but my sister dated this guy from Brazil years and years ago, and he just said such a positive attitude and like high self-esteem.

And one of the things that she told me about him was that every night before he went to bed, he just listed off all of the small wins that he had during the day. So we just go through his day and give himself credit for all the little things that he did. So whether that was like studying for a test or getting groceries or calling his parents like this was when she was like in her early twenties.

They were both in university, little things like that. He just gave himself credit. He told himself a story where he was the victor, where he was winning and creating wins for himself. So give yourself more. Okay, let's recap To build trust your own food. You need to shift your self-concept into someone who has immense self-discipline when it comes to food and following their protocol.

To do that, you need to take action on a regular basis and build evidence for your brain that you really can say no , that you really can follow through on your plan. Allow urges, allow those emotions, right, that you really can follow. And to do that, you need to stop relying on motivation and willpower, and instead, I suggest you create a mental plan that will map out exactly how to manage the river of misery.

Stage two that you'll go through. Before you build up that momentum and go into stage three. So here are some specific questions to help you create that mental plan. One is, what do I wanna believe about myself when it comes to trusting myself around food? So for example, one I talked about a lot here was I'm self-disciplined.

What do I wanna believe about myself? Second is what are the actions that someone who believes this do when it comes to food? So if you believed that you were really self-disciplined, how would, what would that look like? So, for example, how do they overcome the obstacles that currently bring you down?

Okay, so if someone's thinking they're really self-disciplined, how do they overcome the obstacles that are getting in your way? Number three is what are the emotions that I'll likely experience in the river of misery when motivation wears off? Those might be unique to you. I mentioned a whole slew of them, but you might have some that you're like, oh, those always come up for me.

Every time. You really wanna get ahead of that and have a plan. Which ones will you overcome with thought? by really taking a look at what thought is creating that and changing that thought, or which will you need to generate. What emotions do you want to use to fuel your actions? Right? Like compassion, I talked about that.

What emotions do you want to intentionally generate, like patience also? And lastly, which ones are allowed? Which ones are, don't feel great. You wish you didn't feel them, but you're a human and you will, which are gonna be allowed on this journey with you. That's what I have for you. I hope you enjoyed today's episode.

I'll talk to you next time. Bye.