Ep. 52 Create a Breakthrough

Hi and welcome to the Mindful Shape podcast. I’m Paula Parker, and I’m a life and weight loss coach.

I recently had a session in which a client was recalling some of the breakthroughs she’s made when it comes to food, overeating and weight loss and so it inspired me to talk about how to create your own breakthrough. Now this may be ambitious for a podcast episode, but let’s give it a shot. You never know when hearing the right thing at the right time can just click and make a big difference. 

This breakthrough - the concept I’m going to share here is something I came to durning one of my own coaching sessions. So I was the client and in less than an hour I had this epiphany which changed everything. So that’s a little plug for the transformation that can happen in even one coaching session. And now I get to share it with you so here we go…

I consider a breakthrough to be a significant change for the better. And the area that you might need it most when it comes to releasing weight is the ups and downs of it. It’s the doing great for a little while - making slow but steady progress and then what feels like overnight, going back to square one and putting all the weight back on again. And you start to feel like you’re caught in this struggle cycle you’ll never get out of. With the holidays coming up I thought this might be a good time to set up for success.

Here’s how the struggle cycle goes. Some of you may not think of it as a cycle so much as a pattern so if that resonates with you more, think of it that way. When I was in my session I thought of it as a cycle so I’ll use that. Either works. 

We can start anywhere because it’s a cycle but let’s enter in at overeating. You overeat then the scale goes up and your clothes feel tighter which makes you feel defeated because you’re thinking - I lost all the progress I made or you think I can’t believe I’m still struggling with this. 

That thought feeling combo increases your struggle because then you’re more likely to overeat at the next opportunity. You’re less likely to listen to your hunger and eat to nourish your body. You’re less likely to plan ahead of time. You’re less likely to weigh yourself and do thoughtwork on paper. Eventually you decide enough’s enough and you start again. So the cycle is really overeating, negative thoughts, negative feelings, increase the struggle, start over or recommit until there’s desire to overeat again.

And when we think of this as I did for many years as a cycle or a pattern we’re stuck in - THAT’S when we really reinforce the ‘what’s the point’ mentality. It makes perfect sense we’d be thinking what’s the point when we’re in this loop - it’s like a downward spiral. 

Okay so where’s the breakthrough?

The breakthrough is to stop thinking of this struggle cycle as a cycle or pattern at all. 

Instead you can think of it as a path where all of the elements are part of a forward motion. If you’re a visual person I want you to imagine taking that cycle and laying it flat. So imagine a path in which there’s overeating and then there’s the scale going up and then there’s negative thinking like “I can’t believe I’m still struggling with this” or “I can’t figure this out” or “it won’t make a difference” so then we mentally quit and increase the struggle which leads to starting again but instead of a loop we’re still moving forward. We’re on a path and the only way to go is forward.

So if I’ve lost you in the abstraction here’s my point. You are always moving forward. No matter how many times you quit and start again, everytime you’re learning about yourself, your body and honing your skills. Every time you are CLOSER to your goal. Even when it doesn’t seem like it at all. Because at the end of that path is your natural weight and peace with food. The problem with the cycle is that your natural weight and peace with food doesn’t exist there at all - so of course we’re thinking it’s a struggle and what’s the point - might as well eat. 

No. You are always on a path forward even when you're on the overeating point - no matter what point you are on the path, you’re closer to your natural weight and peace with food than before. 

It is SUCH a myth to think that the number on the scale is what tells you how close you are. It’s totally not. You might think if you’re at 150 you’re closer to it than if you were at 160. But that’s not the case at all. Why? Because you could be at 150 and not have a very rock solid skill set. Which means you could be spending months and months either at 150 or bouncing around vs. being at 160 but having the skills of knowing what protocol works for you, following through and continually strategizing to optimize your weight loss. If you’re really good at these things, then you’ll get there faster and you’re actually closer to your goal than if you were at 150. 

If we go back to the path analogy, you have a shorter path at 160 with advanced skills than at 150 with poor skills. Your natural weight and being at peace with food is at the end of the path. How long that path is depends on your skill level, not on your current weight. 

Thinking about your weight loss in terms of skills and cultivating a desire to hone those skills is very powerful and I also think it’s attractive because I notice that my clients and likely yourself if you’re listening to this - you’re someone who’s ambitious in life and wants to always be getting better. When you focus on getting better at the skills of weight loss it taps into that desire to release the weight through a different lense or perhaps a different angle. It’s more meaningful because it’s about developing life long skills and changing your self concept. 

Let’s jump back to the scale for a minute. Consider this a bonus breakthrough - DO NOT let the scale be the only or most significant indication of your progress. Instead I really encourage you to use it as data sure, but what matters most is cultivating your specific skills of managing your thoughts (your daily 15 on paper is helpful here) and allowing emotions (feeling what’s happening in your body both physically and emotionally without avoiding it). The number on the scale is the very last piece of the puzzle. So don’t rely on that alone because change will happen in your brain before you ever see it show up on the scale. 

Okay that was a little side tangent on the scale but I think it’s important to mention. 

And if you’re thinking well so what. Okay it’s not a cycle it’s a path - here’s why it’s important. If it hasn’t clicked as a breakthrough for you yet, this might. 

When you see it as struggle cycle and you are in it - you sacrifice your self esteem - the opinion of yourself. Your thoughts about yourself are that you are trapped in this overeating cycle with no agency. Most of us haven’t spent that much time - if ANY thinking about what our opinion is of ourselves. You might think well I don’t really have one - I’m just me out here living my life taking care of family, going to work. But that’s a really clear window into your relationship with yourself. Which of course is the most important thing because it doesn’t feel great to have no opinion of yourself  does it? Like - and you may have done this - imagine asking your partner what they think of you. And they say, I don’t have an opinion of you - I don’t spend any time thinking about you. That would feel pretty bad right - food especially sugar and flour is going to be WAY better than that. It’s going to seem super attractive. Food will win every time when your self esteem is low. 

So thinking of your experience - your entire weight loss journey from the first diet you ever did as path - as you in forward motion - that changes things right? 

It goes from I’m someone who struggles and is stuck in this terrible pattern to someone who’s getting better and better at this. It gives you all your power back. 

I’ll leave you with a quick story to help your brain anchor this point. Not too long ago I took the public bus downtown. And when the bus pulled up I had my earbuds in - probably listening to a podcast - and when I went to step on the bus driver was saying something to me that I couldn’t hear so I took them out and he seemed very grumpy by this point and said, “If you want the bus, step out of the shelter.” I had been standing under the plastic shelter thing and I guess I didn’t step out when I was supposed to. Then he said it again as I sat down in case I STILL hadn’t heard or something. And I was kind of alarmed at his gruffness but I also thought it was a great line too. If you want that bus you gotta step out of the shelter. 

I included that story here because you can imagine your current or previous way of thinking about yourself in relation to your weight loss journey (or as you might be thinking of it - your weight loss struggle) as the shelter. All you have to do is step out. It’s not a struggle cycle or pattern it’s a path and you are so much closer than you think.

That’s what I have for you and I wanted to give a quick shout out - a big thank you to the person who shared my podcast on a Noom Facebook Group. I don’t know who you are but I’ve been meaning to mention you for a while because I have received so many listeners and people reaching out to me for help from that one post. And I really do appreciate that. I don’t have a team yet or anything so I do all of my own marketing so when I have listeners share the podcast it really means a lot and it helps more women get the info. 

That’s it from me. Thanks so much for listening and I’ll talk to you soon.