Ep. 05 Natural Vs Concentrated Pleasure
When we use food as a substitute for what we really want, it will never be enough. This is how it’s possible that you can feel ill from being so physically full, yet still want more. It’s because the true desire is still unmet. We think the cause of overeating and complying with sugar cravings is unrestrained desire. But actually it’s the opposite. It’s blocked desire. It’s the blocking of our true desires so that they are displaced onto food.
Okay, so what about your cravings for sugar or urges to overeat or even just to go off plan when you’re happy? When you’re feeling great? What’s going on here?
You may have had the experience of being out for dinner with your partner or a good friend. You decide to have a glass of wine or look, their signature cocktail is on special! You’re in a great mood, you’re feeling good and you think this is fine, I want to have fun.
I heard their (insert high fat, high carb dish here) is really good and I wanna try it. And the next thing you know, you’re having another drink (or 2) and sharing a dessert. You leave the restaurant so full that you’re already starting to lose the good vibes.
The fresh air hits you and immediately you start thinking about the scale tomorrow, thinking about how you went off plan (again). And how it feels like you take one step forward and two steps back. Even though we really enjoyed ourselves in that moment, the net effect of this experience is negative for us.
So why do we do this when it appears we have our emotional needs met!?
Because our brains are wired for pleasure. As much of it as we can possibly get out of every experience. This is why addicts overdose, they need more and more to get the pleasure of that first high.
Biologically, pleasure originated as a system to guide us toward things that benefit it. Even in a bacterium, glucose receptors on the cell membrane initiate chemical processes that cause the organism to move toward a food source. Pleasure is a biological message, mediated through our nervous system, that says, “Yes, that is meeting my needs.”
So here’s the good news. There are natural pleasures that we get as humans. You can identify a natural pleasure as having a positive net effect for us. Here is a list of natural pleasures:
Natural Pleasures:
Eating fuel foods (food that is healthy fuel for our bodies).
Resting
Moving our bodies (exercise and movement that we enjoy)
Connecting with someone (this is more than “hey how’s it going?” It’s about feeling really heard and being present with someone in that moment)
Sex and intimacy
Cleanliness (like a shower after a long hike)
Accomplishment (think of how you feel when you complete something you’ve been putting off)
Adventure (having some kind of exciting new things in your life, having new experiences, an upcoming vacation).
Now what’s so interesting is to see how many natural pleasures directly correspond with the emotional needs most often met with food. This is really good news. It means simply by incorporating more of the natural pleasures into our lives, we will immediately start fulfilling these needs and won’t rely on food in an attempt to fill the gap.
But what you’ll notice with natural pleasures is that they require effort. How many times have you put off taking a shower and then when you get it in, you don’t even want to get out.
Or think about fuel food. It takes a lot of activation energy to get up off the couch on Sunday afternoon, go to the store and then meal prep for the week.
Or turn off Netflix and go to the gym. So much activation energy is required for this.
What’s happened is that as humans, we’ve created shortcuts to circumvent the activation energy required to get concentrated versions of pleasure but in an artificial form. Our brains have not evolved to keep up with these rapid changes. So while a natural pleasure gives us moderate pleasure, say a 7/20, a concentrated pleasure is like a 19.
Concentrated Pleasures:
Sugar and flour
Alcohol
Drugs of all kinds
Video games
Social Media
Gambling, and other risk taking behaviors
Shopping and the debt that goes along with that, so over shopping. (Shopping to buy the things that you need in your life is obviously fine.) Overspending, looking for that dopamine hit from having something new is what I’m talking about.
Concentrated pleasures are quick and easy.
It’s no wonder that by default our brains want them. This is why for many of us, this notion of just eating intuitively is so frustrating. My intuition wants chocolate okay?...huge quantities of chocolate!”
But you’ll notice that some of these things on the list don’t have any draw for you. This explains how there are those people who are naturally thin and have never had “food issues.” Sure, maybe chocolate tastes good, but for some people it just doesn't have the same degree of pleasure.
Years ago a friend came over and noticed a half empty bottle of wine on my counter and said, “Wow, that would not last at my place!” But for me alcohol has been a take-it of leave-it kind of thing. But I could relate because I thought, well if that were an open package of Twizzlers on the counter, it would be a different story!
Now this doesn’t mean that necessarily all of us get this huge dopamine release from all of these concentrated pleasures, but pretty much everybody is going to have at least one thing on there that does something for them.
You may know someone for whom shopping is a major dopamine hit. Then, other people would rather get their dopamine hit from seeing the number in their savings account increase. They’re like, “Look at all this money I have. I feel amazing. I don’t want to buy all those things.”
When we repeatedly partake in these concentrated pleasures, our brain thinks that these things are of increasing importance and that the behavior of taking part in that pleasure is something that we should do all the time.
Eventually it becomes a habit to turn to these concentrated pleasure instead of the natural pleasures and is just automatic.
Sure, you’re still making that choice every time you choose it, but it’s so down regulated in terms of just happening automatically in your neural connections that it’s normal for you. It’s what you do. This is the definition of habit formation.
It’s also important to recognize that the list of concentrated pleasures are superficial - what I mean is, they are merely inferior counterfeit versions of the real thing.
We’ve desensitized ourselves to the natural forms of pleasure and convinced ourselves that the counterfeit is the best that we can get. However, we want to train ourselves to desire the real thing, because the natural version is our true desire. The natural pleasures get us what we really want in our lives. The net effect is positive for us.
With the concentrated pleasures, the more that you do them, the more you partake in them, the more craving you experience and the less pleasure you actually get out of them. This is the long-term result, but you may recognize this in a single sitting. The first few bites of your favourite treat are amazing. But the more you eat, the more and more sugar you need to get that same pleasure. Over time, as this choice becomes a habit, it just becomes normal to eat all of that sugar. But of course, you’re still not even getting that much pleasure from it, and you want more and more or start looking for it in something else.
Now, the opposite is true for natural pleasures. The more you do them, the more pleasure you get from doing them. Think about that for a moment.
It’s so important to really let that sink in because it will help you tap into that activation energy you need to make these a habit.
The more you engage in natural pleasures, the more pleasure you get from doing them. The have intrinsic reward.
We need to practice turning to that natural list so that it becomes enough pleasure in our lives. Then we can drop the concentrated list and meet all of our needs on that natural side. That is what we’re aiming for.
Because then we are solving for the over desire, the real cause of overeating.
So when you’re feeling restless, and you’re wanting some pleasure, and you don’t know what else you can do, take a look at that list. What can you do?
Take a shower,
Go to sleep,
Talk to a friend
Have sex with your husband, or your partner.
Increasing these types of activities will bring a lot of natural pleasure into your life that gives you the results that you want.
So what are they again? Here’s the list of natural pleasures:
Eating fuel foods (food that is healthy fuel for our bodies).
Resting
Moving our bodies (exercise that we enjoy)
Connecting with someone (this is more than “hey how’s it going?” It’s about feeling really heard and being present with someone in that moment)
Sex
Cleanliness (a shower after a long hike)
Accomplishment (think of how you feel when you complete something you’ve been putting off)
Adventure (having some kind of exciting new things in your life, having new experiences, an upcoming vacation).
I hope this helps you understand why you may be going off your plan or indulging when everything else in your life seems on track. Or maybe if offers some hope for those of you who feel like you’re bound to a life of craving sugar. You aren’t. All you have to do is start incorporating more natural pleasures and lean away from the concentrated ones. Over time, your brain will do the rest.
Thanks for listening today.
I’ll talk to you next week.