Ep. 95 The 5 Weight Loss Self Concepts

Hi, and welcome to the mindful shape podcast. I'm Paula Parker and I'm a life and weight loss coach. All right. So a lot of us tend to make goals for the summer when it comes to our bodies and getting in shape and slimming down. Maybe we have vacations in the summer. They're swimming at the lake, being at our cabin or our cottage.

I know on the East coast. They say cottage on the West coast. We say Gavin. But essentially we made these goals a long time ago, right? Like maybe back in January, we thought of all these things coming ahead and we just wanted a different body for all of those activities and it's full on summer now, which means you are likely having to really come to terms with whether or not you achieve those goals, whether you have that body that you imagined maybe back in January.

Okay. Okay. So if you have, and you've created some success, that's amazing. And I just want to celebrate you for that, right? You were ready, you did the work, and now you are continuing to focus on maintaining your results and maybe staying on track with that connection to yourself and your relationship with food.

But in contrast, if you're disappointed because you don't have the body that you planned or hoped for, you're probably dealing with some negative emotions and some negative thinking. And you may be feeling really regretful or like you're behind because either you didn't hit your weight loss goal or you're just not as far along as you had planned.

So maybe you've made some success or some progress, but just not Like where you want to be and you might be telling yourself that you failed yet again And I think oftentimes when we reflect on it like on a failure like this when it comes to weight loss We tend to get so deep into a shame spiral that we don't really learn anything from it It feels bad to even think about it So we kind of bat it away.

We, we don't want to think about it all that much. So what happens is no new information enters our brain. So instead we keep just telling ourselves that, well, we just need to try harder next time, whether you are wanting to really keep the weight off that you've lost or keep going with your current success and your healthy habits, or you're coming out of what you're thinking of as a weight loss failure.

And you really want to figure out how to reach your weight loss goals. Okay. in a way that will work for you, then I really want to help you in this episode. So what's going to predict your success is going to largely be due to what I'm thinking of as your weight loss self concept, which is the. The set of thoughts and beliefs that you have about your ability to release weight and keep it off.

So first, I'm going to help you identify what kind of weight loss self concept you have, what that even is, right? And where you're at with that. You likely don't think about yourself as having a weight loss self concept. We don't generally, right? But you do. It's there, it's the foundation, and it's the main reason that you have the eating habits that you have now, and also the body that you have now, at the weight that you are at.

How you can think of it is that you have a self concept overall. It's what you believe about yourself based on thoughts that you've had about yourself over and over and over. Like, you may say, oh, that's just how I am. I have a girlfriend who she's so funny. She will kind of refer to herself in first person and she'll be like classic Rena.

Actually, she was on the podcast. If you listen to one of the earlier episodes, she is a yoga therapist now and she was doing a lot of meditation and that kind of thing. And she did a body scan meditation, just one of the earlier episodes. So we're still very close friends and she's so funny. She'd be like classic Rena, you know, she'd be like describing something that she would like normally do, typical behavior for her.

So you might say things like, you know, I'm a perfectionist or I'm an all or nothing person. I'm type A. You might think of yourself like I'm an extrovert. I'm just like, I'm really good with people. Or maybe you're thinking I'm a people pleaser. Okay. And you just kind of, that's part of your identity. It's part of your self concept.

I'm a people pleaser. And my theory is that we also have Kind of micro self concepts that are more related to the topic or like the thing that we're going for, right? A goal that we have or an area of life. And again, this is just totally my theory, my working theory. There is no research that I know of to support this idea, but just stay with me because I think it explains why we can be really successful in one area and then in another area of life, we just keep spinning our wheels or we just find that part of life so challenging.

We all know someone who's maybe a rockstar in their career, but even though they want to be in partnership or maybe they want to be married and have a family, they just can't seem to meet someone and make a relationship work. Or you might think of someone who is really savvy with money and they can earn a lot of money and they can save a lot of money and they're really good with investing, but they keep saying that they're going to get into shape, they're going to get fit, but they never actually do.

So my theory is that a lot of these challenges are predicated on the self concept or the micro self concept that we have in this area. It's not everything. I don't think it's all self concept. There's knowledge, skills, attitude, etc. But self concept is a big part. Because it's going to influence whether you seek out that knowledge, your willingness to learn the skills that you need to learn, to try something new, to get up when things get tough.

Okay. So I think that self concept is really the foundation of other things. So I'll tell you a little story. Last night I went to my book club. My book club is great. Sometimes I read the book most times I don't unless it's a, if it's a psychological thriller, I will for sure read it. But if it's not, I probably will read maybe the first chapter.

But , that's part of my getting out of people pleasing tendencies. But they seem to be okay with it. It's for other women. It's just a really nice time to like socially connect more than anything. Right. It was really interesting because last night there's usually what happens is the host who chooses the book has everyone over for dinner and they make the dinner and there's typically a dessert.

And sometimes I have it and sometimes I don't. And, and last night, one of the women there, one of my friends, Oh, actually, no, sorry. It wasn't the dessert she's talking about. She went to Australia and she came back from a trip and she had Chocolate for everyone. And when she gave it to me, she said, I know you're not really into sweets, but like I got this for you anyway, I was just thinking about the dessert because I didn't have any that time.

I thought that was the example, but that's not the example I was talking about. So it was just really interesting to me because. She's reflecting back my self concept, which is I'm not really into sweets, which is I want to tell you a complete 180 from where I used to be and I did mention on the podcast earlier on So for those of you who have been listening a while That was part of my identity.

My friends knew me as somebody who really liked candy who really liked sweets Okay, so my self concept has changed so much that it directly influences You It's my behavior around food, my actions, and what I'm noticing now is that people around me are reflecting that self concept back. That's why I'm sharing this because when I first started out trying to release weight off my body, my, the idea of a self concept wasn't even on my radar.

Especially in relation to releasing weight. Okay. So, but now when I look back at how I've had the success that I've had around food and about body image and all of that, it's all been predicated on self concept work. So it is key. It's like a foundation. I literally got to know myself like I never have before what I actually thought about myself when it came to food and you know, just thinking of it in a new way.

And instead of taking just things for granted, like, Oh, this is just who I am. I really started to identify, Oh, some of these thoughts I've just been thinking over and over, but maybe they're not necessarily true, or maybe I can change them. Then I went to work on changing them through coaching and other personal development work, of course.

And I also see this all the time in my clients. The key to not only releasing the weight, but really keeping that weight off is going to be changing your self concept in this area. Because when it's just who you are, it's just what you believe about yourself, you're not going to have that battle, that like wanting something in the moment and also wanting weight loss.

Because you won't want that thing in the moment. So going back to my book club, there was cookies there, but like I genuinely didn't want them. And that's why it's not a battle for me. Because my self concept is like, I can take it or leave it when it comes to cookies. So then, there's no battle. There's no tension.

It's not hard. It's really, really easy. Okay. Back to the topic. So again, your weight loss self concept is a set of thoughts about yourself when it comes to food and really how capable you are to achieve your weight loss goal. So it's who you are around food and it affects the decisions that you make around food.

It affects the choices that you make. So for example, if the minute your partner leaves the house and you're on your own, You think, okay, this is my opportunity. It's food party time for me because nobody is around. That's because your self concept is that you are someone who eats in secret. That behavior is just okay with you.

You might not like it, right? You might want to change it, but if you're doing it on some level, that behavior is acceptable. It's acceptable. You've accepted that it's okay for you to do that or your self concept might include I always start off great But then something gets in the way and I just get off track like I always lose motivation.

I can't stick with it So your weight loss self concept is someone who can't stick with it now how we typically approach weight loss or anything else really is that We focus on the actions. So we think, what do I need to do in order to see results here? What we tend to do is focus on the behaviors that we need to change or the things that we need to start doing.

But then we run into all these obstacles like lack of motivation and we start losing momentum. We get discouraged and then we give up. Why? Why does this happen? Because our weight loss self concept is someone who can't stick with it. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy over and over and over again. So the trick is to change that self concept.

So I'm going to give you some ideas on where to start with that, but first I want to share with you the different types of weight loss self concepts. There are, there's five so that you can accurately identify where you are now. As I said, you might be winning right now. You might be, you know, doing great.

You're on point. You're feeling awesome. You'll want to know what self concept or set of thoughts or mindset is creating that for you. Then you can ensure that you can maintain that success by intentionally thinking this way or reminding yourself specific things, specific sentences that will get you back on track.

If you do slip up, if you're not winning, you're like, ah, I'm really struggling here. Then how can you, first of all, what's the self concept that's creating that. And then how can you get back on track? It won't matter how great or how amazing your weight loss program is. If you believe yourself to be someone who can't stick with it, it doesn't matter how great that program is.

Okay. You're going to get yourself stuck yet again. That's why this is important. All right, there are five types of weight loss self concepts that I'm going to share with you. And as I'm going through them, just see if you can identify which you are currently in. Then you can go to work on changing that if you want.

If you've ever heard the expression who before how, meaning that you have to become the person who is able to take the actions required. The actions necessary to succeed, then all of this will make perfect sense to you. Okay. I've really adapted a lot of this in terms of the five types from this podcast episode that I listened to called you're not behind by Alex Hermosi.

And he's a bit of you know, a bit of a bro in the business arena. But. I like to listen to all different types of people. And so I do appreciate his content. And when I was listening to this, I thought, Oh, this is just so applicable to weight loss and he doesn't call it self concept, but I feel like that's what it is.

Okay. So I've adapted it. That's what I'm calling it. So this is the five types of weight loss, self concepts when you approach any weight loss program or just attempt weight loss in general. Number one is positive active. This means I am someone who will make this work because of who I am. So you are determined to make your program work, your weight loss attempt work.

No matter what you're thinking, I will win. This is for me. This is it for me. I'm going to be doing it this time. You probably have the mindset that you're going to be the best student. You're going to be the best client. You'll be the best at this. So you have that, have you heard of this main character energy?

That's what I think about. You're like, I have main character energy. Like this is my time. Okay. So I will make it work because of who I am. Additionally, why it's active, positive active is it doesn't matter if anybody else has done it the same way. So even if nobody else has done it this way, I will. So if this program doesn't get me.

All the way. It doesn't get me to my natural weight. Then I will just extract as much as possible. I will learn as much as possible and try something else until I get there. I think this positive active self concept is pretty rare, right? I think it's pretty rare, but I'll bet that if you think of someone that you really admire, maybe it's not someone, you know, personally, but someone you watch on YouTube or a mentor They are probably like this.

They have this mindset in a specific area. They're more of a pioneer and you might have this type of self concept in another area of life, like when it comes to relationships. So maybe when it comes to being a parent or being an aunt or uncle, if you have a niece or nephew that you really care about, maybe you don't have kids of your own or grandchildren, no matter what's going on, with that person that you care about so much or what challenges come your way, you will make time for them.

You will help them if they need help. Say that they get a a health diagnosis that's really challenging. You would stop at nothing until you figure it out. Or you would create the time to be able to visit them at the hospital. That is the kind of attitude that you would have, the energy that we would have, the self concept of who you are in relationship to that person.

It's like nothing's going to get in my way. I'm going to be there for them. So you probably do have it in other areas of your life. I want you to imagine if you had that same self concept when it came to weight loss, you would not lose. Okay. You would get back up every time. Even if you had setbacks, you are so committed to reaching your goal.

It won't matter how long it takes. It's just a matter of number of days on the calendar. So it's happening. That's your mindset. And that's what you create. Weight loss is a goal. That's so awesome because it's totally in your control in this way. No one can make you overeat. No one can make you eat that cookie, no matter how persuasive they are.

You are in total control of that. Number two, positive passive. Okay, so the first one, positive active, this is positive passive. I am someone who can do it if it's been done before. So other people have done it this way, so I think it's possible for me too. If you did it, I can do it. This might be you if.

You generally have a positive attitude towards it, but you need a lot of evidence that other people have done it in the same way that you're thinking about doing it. So you have others, you know, eaten this way and lost weight. Maybe you're looking for a lot of evidence or client success stories. You really want to convince your brain before you're willing to give it a try.

Right. You want to see testimonials, that kind of thing. But once you see that you're like, okay, you know what? I can give it a go. I have some proof. I have some evidence, or you might be like this in your career or business. So you see what others have accomplished before you or up the corporate ladder.

And you think, you know, I can follow that track too. If they did it, I can do it. That makes sense. I'm capable of doing that same thing or something similar. Results with this self concept when it comes to weight loss are usually really good. So you are going to give it your all and you may have setbacks, but again, you can rely on the evidence that other people have overcome those setbacks.

So long as someone else has succeeded, you will keep going. So you generally will release the weight that you want to see. Number three, neutral and passive. This is where most of you will be. Unfortunately. So this is, well, I am somebody who will try and it sounds good. That's why I think it's like very, we can relate to this because in, I think in a lot of areas of our life, this is who we are.

We're like, well, we'll give it a shot. Okay, so it's worked for others, so let's just see if it works. The emphasis on, let's see if this works, let's see if it works, like this program. Let's see if it works. I'll give it my best shot. I hope it works. I hope it goes well for me. Here, you really need to stop trying to do it.

And really do it if you want to see results, your weight loss, self concept is not actually serving you here. There's such an energy shift between trying to eat better and deciding to eat better period, huge difference. So it's passive because it's all on. The weight loss program to work rather than you just deciding you're going to make it work, ensuring that you will do what's required to make it work for you so that you are in control of your weight loss and getting what you want.

It's really seductive because it's almost, it almost disguises as acceptance or non attachment or. general kind of lightheartedness that feels like it's less intense. It's like, well, I'm not really in full control here, so I don't have to take responsibility and be discouraged. Or feel bad when it doesn't work out.

Again, no judgment. I'm talking from personal experience here. We've all, we've all been there. It's like, yeah, well, I'm going to give it a shot, but like, we'll see. Right. So you'll see, you'll see this in dating also. So it sounds really innocent. Like, I hope it works out. You know, I don't know. I hope it works out, but here's the difference.

Sure. Of course you hope it works out. And so much of it working out in quotations is within your control. How you show up in your interactions with this person, who you are being when you're with this person, all of that is within your control. And you also are thinking, if it's not this person, it's going to be someone else.

Like if I want to be in relationship in a healthy relationship, I will be. Again, it's just a matter of number of days on the calendar. See the difference? It's much more empowering rather than I hope it will go well. Number four is negative passive. This is a self concept of it might work, but it probably won't work for me.

Usually people who are thinking this don't even try something new. They give up on it. They give up on themselves before they even start. They're so worried that They are going to fail at it. They're so worried about their worst case scenario that they're not going to release the weight and keep it off that they stay stuck.

They don't even give it a chance and they end up living out their worst case scenario that they're already living, continuing to be overweight and having all this drama around food. It really breaks my heart when I can see so clearly what's available and what's possible when it comes to just feeling more in control around food and having a better relationship with your body at your natural weight, whatever you decide that is, right?

And then I see how much suffering it causes when you don't have that and how we just, we can really get in our own way. We don't even give ourselves the chance to do that because we're so worried that we're not going to get it. Right? So don't even try. So with so much kindness, I just want to invite you to really take a look if this is you.

So deep down, is this what you think? It probably won't work for me. Why? Because I've tried so many times and failed. This is the, I can't stick with it, weight loss, self concept you fail ahead of time. And then when it doesn't work, you don't see the scale going down the way that you want. You blame yourself.

You think, well, this is just who I am. I can't change. Or you blame the program. There's some sort of blame happening. You blame the program. Well, this didn't work for me or your coach or your trainer. If you're working with one, it's like you almost want them to say it's actually their fault. Right? Or it's the program's fault.

The program didn't work. Right? So that you, just so that you can feel better. It's like a self protective thing. Again, no judgment. But if you look back, usually, actually 100 percent of the time, what I'm saying, usually 100 percent of the time, You were the one that wasn't doing it. So you just weren't implementing the process and taking the actions that were required.

That might be working on your self concept, right? To start. So great. That's awesome. If you can identify that, then you know exactly what to do next. But when you're in the self concept of it might work, but it probably won't work for me. You definitely won't see results. So it's important to identify if that's where you are.

Number five is negative active. This is, I'm a special case and it won't work for me. This is what we think of as like special snowflake. So I am special. My body doesn't respond like other people. Okay. So you're probably thinking it won't work for me. Sure. Maybe it works for other people, but definitely not me.

And when you have this mindset, you're really trying to prove your confirmation bias that you can't do it. You'll list of all the reasons why it won't work. I have too much work to do. The timing's not right. I don't have time to focus on weight loss right now. By the way, you always have time to not overeat , okay?

You always have time to not overeat, and there are a million excuses for why you are overeating and you can't lose weight. It's really tempting to hang out here for your brain because it's so safe. Your brain just doesn't have to do any heavy lifting. It doesn't have to change what your brain loves is for things to say the same and for it to be familiar.

So let's just have a quick recap. Five weight loss self concepts. Number one is positive active. This is, I will make it work because of who I am as a person. When a client shows up to me and this is their mindset, I'm, it's like a guaranteed result. It's like, I know it's happening and I do have clients like that.

And I just know it's like amazing. You're going to get what you want. Number two is positive passive. Others have done it. So I think it's possible. Also great. If you were there, neutral, passive, these are the ones you want to watch out for. It's worked for others. So let's see if it works. Negative passive, it might work, but probably not for me.

And negative active is it definitely won't work for me. These are the self concepts you really want to identify because once you understand them, then you can work to change them and get a different result. And again, we don't naturally do this. We typically don't think much about who we are. And, and who we have to become in order to be successful.

But when we know the who, or as I'm talking about here, the type of self concept that we have when it comes to losing weight and keeping it off, then we will understand why we have our current results. And we will know exactly where we need to go to get different results. So if you are someone who's.

active, you work out, you feel great about that, and you already know a ton about nutrition, but you are struggling with releasing the weight that you want and getting that weight off. This is precisely the work that you need to be doing. So start by identifying how you are currently thinking about who you are when it comes to this goal.

Then you want to decide how you wish you were thinking about it. And I've given you some examples and then start by finding evidence for that new self concept. So for example, if you want to believe that you're someone who can take it or leave it when it comes to suites, You need to first know what you believe now, and it might be, I have a sweet tooth.

Okay. We can probably see how it seems innocent enough. People say it all the time. I have a sweet tooth, but even that's part of a limiting self concept. It might even fall into that negative passive camp. It might work, but it probably won't work for me because I have a sweet tooth. So first, now that you've identified the thought that's creating your current self concept, stop saying that stop saying that you have a sweet tooth.

You can easily do that. That's a quick win. Next, look for evidence for any time you feel that indifference to sweets. Anytime. You legit can take it or leave it. And if you can't, Maybe there's another food where you have an example, okay? So you want to start thinking of yourself as someone who's a take it or leave it type of person when it comes to food.

There's a little bit of a dance here between thoughts and actions when it comes to self concept work. They work together to build your self concept thoughts and actions, okay? So you might have to leave it in this example before you believe you are someone who takes it or leaves it. Then you're closer to believing that thought because you've taken the action and you are building that evidence.

Okay. So if you're like, I have zero evidence, your first step is to take an action so you can start building that evidence. And then when you are closer to believing it, it's so much easier. It's easier to take more of that same action. So it's a process with thought and action. It's not like you just wake up one day and you have an entirely new self concept because you listened to this amazing podcast and light bulb moment.

I mean, maybe, I hope, I hope that happens, but if it doesn't, don't worry, nothing has gone wrong. It ha your self concept changes over time. You identify your thinking, you take a new action and then you do that process over and over and over again. So I sent out an email this morning and if you're not on my list, please get on my list.

I send out lots of great stuff. You can go to mindfulshape. com and get on my list there. I sent out an email this morning talking about how self concept work is really playing the long game, but at least it's a game where you will win in the end. Okay, so if you are tired of old diets that don't work or quick fixes that don't really fix anything, and you're really ready to get to know yourself in a way that you never thought you would or could to then change yourself, change your self concept around food and your weight, then Then you are a perfect candidate for coaching and you can set up a call with me because I'm taking on private clients right now and I would very much love to meet you.

You can go to mindful shape. com and get on my wait list and then I will contact you and we can set something up. Okay. I will talk to you soon. Bye