Ep. 93 All or Nothing Mentality During Summer

Hi and welcome to the Mindful Shade Podcast. I'm Paula Parker and I'm a life and weight loss coach. So summer is it can be hard in terms of releasing weight, right? There's a number of reasons for this. And I'm going to just explore that a little bit today so that you can potentially see what's up ahead in the next couple of months.

So that you can plan ahead for that. And then also just to validate your experience and so that you can decide that. there might be a different way of doing this summer. Okay. So summer can be complex. Some people love it. Some people kind of hate it, right? Summertime sadness. I tend to, I'm not a huge summer fan.

I I'm a shoulder season kind of person, right? So fall, spring, that's my jam. Summer is just a little bit too hot. Okay. I do not like to sweat when I'm walking down the street, but it can also, all of these kinds of ways that we tend to make justifications or overeat during the summer months. They can really just make a slip into all or nothing thinking.

So I thought that would be a good opportunity to just explore all or nothing thinking on today's episode, because really it occurs any time of the year when it comes to weight loss and your relationship with food. But I thought, given the time of year, let's just focus on summer and just see what comes up.

Okay. I will also preface this episode just by saying that, of course you can have the occasional indulgence and still release weight. That's what I'm all about. Okay. It does not have to be super restrictive, but for most of us who are really trying to release the weight off our bodies, we're going to have to make some real changes.

Okay. To the way that we're eating. And so this episode is to support you in that it's really not to demonize eating ice cream or having a burger during the summer. Okay. That is going into that all or nothing mentality that I'm going to be talking about today. Okay, so let's go into some specific justifications to overeat during the summer months.

One is that usually there's just more social pressure, so to overeat, so there can be more parties, more fun events that you're attending, more social gatherings, and even sometimes it's going out to more restaurants or being on patios or drinking and that kind of thing. And so what you might experience is just more people making offers to you to eat maybe what you wouldn't have eaten if you were just at home working for the day.

You will be out somewhere where somebody is hosting and there's lots of summer food that you don't have control over. And maybe we don't want to be the only one out of the group who isn't drinking or who isn't partaking in the cake or cupcakes or ice cream or just eating all of the food that they have there.

So typically the justification here is, I don't want to be rude, or everyone else is having an ice cream cone, or I don't want to miss out. Or if it's about a restaurant it or we're on vacation or traveling, it's, oh, this is the only time I ever am going to be at this place and have the opportunity to try this one special thing.

Okay, so all of these, again, just in general, justifications are not a bad thing. It's not like it's good or bad. I just want to create some awareness around what are the specific thoughts or underlying thoughts that are driving your behavior when it comes to food, because you can decide. Yep, that is a justification I want to listen to.

And I'm really happy with the results I'm getting, or you know what, I don't love that justification. I don't love that reason for eating and, or I'm not seeing the results that I want. So I might want to question that and maybe just not listen to that part of my brain that makes that suggestion or that justification.

Another thing is that in general, summer is just associated with fun, right? There's always like a song of the summer. It's never a downer song. It's never a sad ballad or something. It's always a really upbeat pop song, right? Of course, because our, our concept of summer is like a Diet Coke commercial. It's all sunshine.

It's all smiles. Oftentimes, we can associate fun with food. Food is fun. Fun is food. We derive so much fun from eating. Now, again, you know, there's nuance. It doesn't mean we don't have fun with food at all. The problem is when we derive so much fun from eating. of our fun from the pleasure of food, that it becomes an issue because we feel like we have all this over desire for food and we're just not in the body that we want.

We might also notice that we derive fun from the enjoyment of eating the same food at the same time that others are eating. Now, I know that sounds a little bit weird. We don't ever think of it that way, but oftentimes You'll think, well, this is how we connect. Connection comes from eating the same food at the same time, but of course it's not possible because connection is going to be derived from how you were thinking and relating to that person.

It's not going to come from what you were eating. So if that's coming up for you, I just want you, I just want to plant the seed that that is not the case. Why? Because we know it's possible to eat with somebody and not feel any connection whatsoever. Thank you. And then we also know it's possible for somebody to be sitting beside us eating popcorn and for us to feel super connected to them when we're not eating it.

So it's not the act of eating that's creating that connection. It's all of the thoughts that you're having about that person and you and your relationship in the moment. Okay, typically the justification when we're in this kind of mode of summer is fun and this is like a fun time, it's a bit of a free for all, the justification thought is I want to enjoy myself.

I want to have fun with food. Food is fun. The next one is that we're typically out of routine. So of course this is not true for everyone, but I know that for a lot of families who have younger kids, then there is typically more trips. Sometimes you might be going to your vacation home. Essentially, there's just a different routine.

Maybe the kids are at home and not in school, or you just have family visiting. Maybe that's your grown children or other relatives. The justifications here are it's harder to plan. There's less healthy options available depending on where you are, right? Or I don't have control over the food, especially, you know, if you're staying at somebody else's house.

So again, it doesn't mean that those things might necessarily not be even true. They, they might be true. And. If we leave it at that, then we're not going to get creative in coming up with solutions. We're just like, well, I'm so disempowered. I can't control my weight because I can't control the food that's in the house.

And I just know that's not true. So don't kid yourself. Okay. All right. And then the last one that I want to talk about is The heat means more skin exposed. Okay. So we might be seeing more of our bodies than we are used to. And if we have a negative body image, meaning when you see yourself and you look away or you cringe, or there's any level of disgust that oftentimes somewhat ironically can lead to overeating.

Okay. Especially if you need to emotionally eat because of any kind of negative emotion, then your brain is kind of wired to soothe yourself with food. So even though on the surface level, it seems to make no sense because you're thinking, well, if, if the problem is the feeling, the reason I'm feeling bad is that I'm seeing myself and I don't think I look good because of how much I'm eating.

Why on earth would I go and then overeat? But it makes perfect sense if you understand that all of our overeating is coming from an emotional place. It's coming from a place of needing to soothe in some way, needing to escape emotion or chasing emotion like fun. Then it makes perfect sense, even though on the surface, again, like I say, it seems kind of nuts.

It's actually very logical. Okay. The justification usually is I'll start tomorrow. So yes, it feels bad in the moment. And I really don't like how I look, but I'm just going to indulge and eat what I want to eat right now because tomorrow or this week, then I'm going to be super strict or it's, I just want it.

I just need it to feel better. I feel so crappy. I just want it. It doesn't matter. It won't make a difference. If you're having a lot of negative talk about your body or how you look, then you might create some permissiveness around overeating because you're thinking, well, it doesn't make a difference anyways.

I already look terrible or whatever. Maybe it's not that negative, but it's I don't. I don't love how my body is. I don't love how it looks. So you know what, overeating tonight, it just won't make that big of a difference. Okay, so all of this overeating, all of these different ways, these kind of sneaky justifications that our brain offers during the summertime, just overeating one time.

So just even one of these things, one of these justifications can lead to that all or nothing thinking. So let's talk about that. What am I talking about when I say all or nothing mentality? I want you to start thinking of all or nothing mentality as a spectrum. Okay, so we have all on one side and nothing on the other.

So let's first talk about the end of the spectrum, that's all. So, what does it mean? It means I'm all in on my weight loss plan. So I'm going to be consistent in air quotes, right? Cause what is consistent, consistent could be for some people, three days a week for some people, consistent means perfection, right?

So like seven days a week, a hundred percent on plan. So oftentimes we will say I need to be more consistent, but we've never actually thought about. What that looks like, what is the flexibility inconsistency? How do I know if I'm being consistent or not? So just something to pause and maybe think for yourself, your definition of consistency might look different than somebody else's.

Okay. And then of course, being all in oftentimes is about a perfectionist mindset. So we need to have a air quotes, perfect. day of eating. And we're going to need to do that every single day. And then lastly, when we see the number on the scale, if we're all in, oftentimes we will have the thought it's working or I'm making progress, which you might think, well, how can that be a problem?

If I get on the scale and it goes down and I'm thinking it's working or I'm making progress, how could that possibly have a, a negative effect on me that, that would only motivate me. So I will talk about just some things to consider if that's the case. Okay. Again, What we're trying to avoid is the extreme of it's working or I'm making progress.

Okay, I'll talk about that. So, let's talk about the other end of the spectrum, which is the nothing and the all or nothing mentality. What does nothing mean? It means eating whatever I want, whenever I want, with an over desire for food. So again, when you reduce your over desire, then you're just going to have a natural desire for food.

Like you, you look at those people and you're like, I don't know, they just like seem to eat what they want and they just maintain a normal body weight, right? These people exist because they don't overeat on a regular basis. Why? Because they're. Desire for food is natural. You might also think of somebody, you know, who can like forget to eat or they skip meals and it's like not a big deal Or they don't think about snacking like they're just not thinking about food all the time.

How can this be possible? It's only possible because their desire for food is at a natural level. They have a natural desire for food Okay, so this also looks like not paying much attention to what, when, or how much you're eating. This can look like grazing, snacking all day, eating whenever food is put in front of you, regardless of your hunger level or not, eating whatever the food is, whether it serves your body or not.

Have a thought of cookies and then you eat them. You have a thought of dried fruit in the cupboard and you eat it. Bagel sitting on the counter? Yeah, why not? It's not going to make a difference, right? So when you look at the number in the scale, regardless of whether it's up, down, or it stays the same, your thought is it's not working, it's not working fast enough, or I'm not making progress.

So again, it has nothing to do with the scale number, it's Whether you're in the camp of, yep, it's working or in the camp of, no, it's not working. See the extremes there. So when we go to either of the, either side of the spectrum, we are missing out on the full picture. And so we miss out on opportunities to improve and accelerate our results, even if we're thinking it's working.

Okay. So stick with me here. I want to share with you how this shows up when you are all in, when you are in the all of the all or nothing mentality. Okay. So, when you're all in, it usually comes from a place of renewed optimism. You're revved up, you are ready to go, you're trying again, or you're so sick of feeling terrible that you just want to get out of the self loathing.

So, you're going to try to white knuckle your way through saying no to dessert, removing all the sugar and flour items from your kitchen. The problem is that it's usually a little too restrictive for the mindset you currently have. Okay. So that's critical because at a later date, when you've removed all of that overdesire for food, that might not be that much of a restrictive plan.

But in the beginning, when you still have all of this overdesire for food, you still believe that food is such a source of fun for you and comfort and relaxation that you can't have all of that without the food. Then That it's going to feel very restrictive and that restriction just doesn't last, like you're not able to stick with it.

It's not sustainable given again, where your current mindset is. But if you work on your mindset, say for a few months, then that actually could be a perfectly sustainable food plan. But for where you are mentally, it's not sustainable. When you have a perfectionist mindset. You'll know if the minute you eat slightly off your plan, or you overeat a little and can feel it in your body, like you just know, like I overdid it and you give yourself permission.

Does he screw it? And then you continually overeat. You're like, Oh, I might as well enjoy myself now because I've already screwed up and you keep overeating. That's just a perfectionist mindset. Okay. When you're feeling all in, because you're thinking it's working, you might actually miss out on what specifically is making it work.

So what are the thoughts that you are having, that you are thinking and what actions or behaviors are you taking to make it work? So, This is really valuable information because again, it's going to be very specific to you. Yes. There are some general, generalizations in weight loss, but again, everybody's different and your lifestyle is going to be different.

Your preferences are going to be different. So you need to know what you were thinking and what you were doing. That is really making it work. Then, you know, you can repeat it if we don't identify it. If we're just like, yep, it's working totally fine. We're not taking a look at how are we creating our success?

Okay. So I'll give you an example. Maybe you think, you know what? I am not going to have a free for all with food at this beach picnic. I know there'll be chips, cupcakes, pizza, or sandwiches, drinks. And I do not have to partake even if everyone else is doing it. Everyone else is eating and drinking and whatnot.

I'm going to let that be okay. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna let that be okay. Then your action might be bringing something that works better for you, that food that serves you, like a salad and chicken or protein or whatever, or Or maybe you don't bring something, but you have a sandwich and maybe that is the most, the healthiest option or the option that serves you the most.

And you just avoid all the other food. You're not giving yourself permission. Well, I had the sandwich, so I might as well eat all the chips and everything else. Okay. So eventually this won't be a big deal at all. Okay. It will just be a habit and the benefits of how you feel in your body will offset any emotional discomfort.

You simply won't have thoughts that create all of this FOMO, like it's not fair that everyone else gets to eat the chips. You just won't have any thoughts like that anymore. Okay. I promise. I promise. That's the case. But in the beginning you might, so you might need to process some negative emotion like FOMO.

Okay. In the beginning, you might experience that based on your thoughts again, because you have some over desire and it's totally possible to reduce that. When you're in this, it's working or I'm making progress. You might also miss any troubleshooting. So what I mean is noticing where you're still grabbing some little extra food, like handfuls of nuts mindlessly, or having an extra indulgence here or there.

Like maybe you're going for the ice cream or whatever. Eventually that could potentially add up and. it will stop working. So don't kid yourself here. You want to really take a look at what is working and what is not working. Where can you improve? Where can you troubleshoot, right? Don't use your success on the scale as permission to then overeat.

I've been good. I'm going to reward myself with more food. It's not going to work. It's not, you're not gonna be able to sustain the success that you've had. So let's talk about now when you are at the, it's not working end of the spectrum. So this is the nothing. Here's where you feel pretty hopeless and frustrated.

It's like your brain has negative glasses on or something. You are not going to see all of the hard work that you are doing and progress that you are making. Okay. The scale, as I've mentioned, is a leg indicator. So it's going to be the very last indication of your progress. It will start in your brain with your thoughts, then the behaviors that you take, and then your body will have physical changes because your body will be able to access your fat stores, which is a process, right?

It's a process which can take a few days. And then finally, you get rewarded by seeing it on the scale. Okay. For sure. When you're in this mindset, you're going to say, screw it and give yourself permission to overdo it with food. So what is the solution here? It's to be somewhere in the middle. So where you are able to see your progress.

Yes. And your 2 percent wins all those little ways that you were winning all those little ways that you're getting better than you were maybe last year at this time and also not have like rose colored glasses on where you're not seeing where you might be slowly incrementally getting in your own way.

So you also want to be troubleshooting. Don't take for granted the efforts that you're making, moving your body, allowing hunger, bringing the salad to the barbecue, right? Being that person, stopping at one glass of wine and saying no to the cupcakes. If it's been a few weeks, And you're not seeing the progress that you want, and you take an honest look and you troubleshoot what's been going on with your eating.

Has there been any overeating? And to what extent? You might be surprised at how precise you need to be. You may be allowing yourself to eat. more fat than your body needs, thinking, well, this is what I'm supposed to do. Like it doesn't increase the insulin. So it's a so called free food, right? Or you might be eating just a little more than you really need at each meal.

Or if you're calorie counting, you might not be estimating the exact amount of fat that you're correct number, right? Because that can be really hard to do. Or it could be that even though you really eat well during the week or even most of the month on the weekends, or once a month, like the days leading up to your period, you're overeating just enough to undo the weight loss that you would have had.

But if you think, no, there hasn't really been any overeating at all, then you can decide to either give yourself more time, Extend the timeline or change something up with your food, add more veggies, increase protein, increase water, reduce sugar and flour, or simply change up the frequency or timing of your meals.

Okay. I hope that was helpful. I really want to support you during summer months. If you need extra support and you really are thinking this is a summer where I'm going to make a change and I want to feel amazing in my body and I want to release the weight this summer. Then please contact me and I would love to hear from you.

Okay, bye.