Ep. 118 Giving Yourself Permission

AI created this transcript from my human brain, please forgive any weirdness.

Hi, and welcome to the mindful shape podcast. I'm Paula Parker. I'm a life and weight loss coach. So today's episode is going to be small. It's going to be short, but I think it's going to have impact. I think it's mighty. My, my daughter has a little shirt. And on the top of it says small and mighty, just like her.

So that's what this podcast is going to be. Something I picked up in my coach training was to listen for when a client is really asking for permission. And sometimes I see this when I'm coaching a client on upcoming challenges like vacations or holiday events or dinners. And sometimes, not always, but sometimes when I'm asking them what they want to do, they're hesitant to say yes.

To include indulgences like desserts and alcohol, which is understandable because they are wanting to release weight. And on the surface that seems in contrast to their goals, but I don't see it that way at all. Being in charge of your own food is saying yes to indulgences so long as it serves you. And only you will know that my job as a coach is really to often help you get clear on what serves you so that you feel empowered.

to follow through. And maybe that's having an indulgence or it isn't. And it's not my job really, or anyone else to tell you what you should do, because we don't know what is serving you. Only you know that. But sometimes we need to clear away some cobwebs in your brain to figure out what that is. So have you ever found yourself Taking a small piece of something like cake and then you finish that and you want more, but you don't want to want more So you take just another sliver and then another sliver more and another sliver and in the end You've had two maybe two and a half pieces.

You can't really tell by now Why do we do this kind of thing? It's because we haven't given ourselves permission to have that indulgence and to really enjoy it. That's the first piece. If we don't give ourselves permission to really enjoy that piece, it's like our brain has this hit of pleasure and then it just wants more and more and more.

And there's this element of rebellion, like we shouldn't, but yet we want it. And instead of allowing and give ourselves permission to feel that level of desire, we don't. We keep eating in this kind of covert way. So there's two parts here, right? One is giving yourself permission to include indulgences into your weight loss protocol.

If you're clear that you do really want something. So maybe there's like a traditional family recipe or a holiday favorite that you can't imagine your holidays without, or you are on vacation and there's a a restaurant that you really want to go to and you really want to try something and you get clear on yes, this is going to serve me because it's part of kind of the overall picture I have for my life and the pleasure that I want to get.

Okay. Now your question is, how do I incorporate this? Okay. It's not, how do I avoid this at all costs? Okay. That's not necessarily sustainable, but it's how do I incorporate this in what accommodations am I willing to do to offset any negative impact on my weight, on my blood sugar, on my insulin response in my body?

Now, this is not compensation or retribution, like okay, I'm going to have this cake and then I'm going to work out 90 minutes tomorrow or I'm going to skip breakfast tomorrow when I usually eat breakfast. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is, okay, if I'm planning on having a piece of cake, I'll skip the bread or I'll skip the wine or I'll be really diligent about paying attention to how I'm feeling while I'm eating at dinner so I don't overeat my meal so that I actually do enjoy my dessert.

The next part is, can you give yourself permission to feel desire without complying? So is desire permissible? Note that if you're overeating regularly right now, it's not. You haven't made it permissible. So can you feel desire without complying? And not act on it, not comply by overeating. What makes this hard is not the actual feeling of desire.

The feeling of desire feels very good. Think of a trip you are planning that you have desire for clothes that you've ordered that will arrive soon. That warm bath at the end of the day, you look forward to that because You have a desire for it. And that feels good. This feels good because the desire is actually anticipation.

The reason it's anticipation is because you are expecting to experience that pleasure. Okay. The reason you'll find allowing desire for food hard is that you're telling yourself that you don't get the pleasure that feels bad. So to offset that feeling, You know, you may know this as deprivation. Okay, we eat instead.

But notice the reason you feel deprived is based on what you're thinking about the desire. So I feel desire and I can't have this or I can't have more. This thought feels so true to you that your brain won't access any other way of thinking about it, which is why you feel deprived and terrible. So the first step is to decide.

Desire is not a problem. It's permissible on this weight loss journey. Remember, your brain is wired for pleasure. Biologically, pleasure originated as a system to guide an organism towards things that benefit it. Even in bacterium, glucose receptors on the cell membrane initiate a Chemical processes that cause the organism to move toward a food source.

So pleasure is a biological message. It's mediated through our nervous system that says, yep, this is meeting my needs. This is a good thing. Move towards it. So it's very natural and normal to want to eat cake. Okay. What you may need to learn is how to allow that desire in your body as a vibration without eating.

So first you will need to give yourself permission. to allow it to be in your body. So I will allow it. Desire is permissible. Notice that we're not resisting here. We're not saying desire is a bad thing. This is a bad feeling. This shouldn't be happening. We're not saying it's bad that you want it. When we stop resisting it so much, then we will feel more relaxed, more calm, and we won't feel that urge to keep taking all those like mini slices of cake over and over again.

All right. So we've covered giving yourself permission to enjoy your indulgences. If you want to keep the weight off once you've released it, you will have to figure out how to navigate a piece of cake every now and then, right? Okay, so that's important. It's important to enjoy food. Number two is giving yourself permission to feel desire without complying.

And number three is giving yourself permission to want what you truly want. And that's so much more than the momentary pleasure of overeating. Of the cake, of over drinking, of the glass of wine. So here's an idea for you to contemplate. That when it comes to how you eat and your weight, there is some level of permission that you haven't given yourself yet.

It's possible you haven't given yourself permission to believe in achieving your goal weight. For real, for real, you have not decided that that is happening for you. You'll know if it feels painful even to think about. You don't dare even speak that number out loud. Okay. So just for fun, wherever you are right now, whatever you are doing, maybe you're driving, maybe you are walking in the woods or tidying up, maybe you're in the shower.

Sometimes I listen to things while I'm in the shower. I want you to say that number out loud. Maybe you just need to whisper it. Whisper it to yourself, but say it right now. What's the number that if we could wave a magic wand you would want to see and maybe for you It's not a number instead you have an item of clothing or an outfit that is like your dream I remember I started working with a client and her goal was to wear jeans and a white t shirt Like that was the vision that she had for herself.

Okay, or maybe it's Being able to move upstairs with ease to walk up your stairs with no pain whatsoever to feel agile and at ease in your body, then you just say stairs. Okay, just put it out there. Whatever it is like a real weirdo. Okay, just say it out loud. Acknowledge the thing you want. Be brave enough to want what you want and claim it.

So say it out loud. It's possible. You haven't given yourself permission to believe you could be the kind of person who doesn't want to overeat, that that would be that you could live that life, that you could be that person who they just never want to overeat. So I want to invite you to really challenge you to want what you want, what you truly want to claim it, to see yourself as powerful, to start raising your standards for yourself from the place of, I give myself permission.

To make this happen. Okay. As I said, small, but mighty. I hope that was powerful for you and gives you an idea of permission. What you want to give yourself permission for one is to enjoy your indulgences when you choose them with a clear head. Second is to allow there to be some desire. Give yourself permission to feel what desire feels like without complying.

And lastly, is to really think about what is that dream that you have for yourself and give yourself permission to believe it's possible for you. Okay, I'll talk to you again soon. Bye