Ep. 61 A Mental Restart

 Hi, and welcome to the Mindful Shape Podcast. I'm Paula Parker, and I'm a life and weight loss coach. So by now it's end of February and most of New Year's resolutions have petered out. So if you made a weight loss resolution and you found yourself slacking a little bit, not feeling so motivated, not really doing all the things that you had planned, then this could be for you.

or you might be someone who's just in the habit of being on again, off again with your weight loss strategies. So for some people it's, they do great all during the week, and then when it comes to the weekend, it's goes into completely off the rails, , right? Or it's like you're just not making the healthy habits, you just don't have the same structure.

You're not making similar choices on the weekends. And so it's kind of like Monday you're starting over again. So if that's you, if you are looking to start over, Some healthy habits with releasing weight and you just want a fresh start. Don't feel bad about that. It is totally fine to start again.

There's a lot of, I think, value in having that. I'm not gonna give up attitude. So here's to you, if you are starting again, don't feel bad about it, okay? But here's my guide to do it in a really healthy, kind, and optimal way. So you're ready to get back into the swing of things, but maybe you're still not feeling a hundred percent motivated or willing to do any of the work just yet.

You're maybe like 80% there or something like that. Here's why this might be happening. You might be being unproductively past focused. So what does that mean? It means you're ruminating on what you ate. You are reminding yourself of how this obviously means that you've learned nothing. You're no farther along, you're back to square one.

You are in a constant struggle. This is your life. You've always been in a constant struggle when it comes to your weight, when it comes to food. You likely think that all those sentences I just said are facts about you, but they are simply one perspective of many that you could. So just know that, know that you are choosing that story.

It's a pretty terrible story, . So no wonder you're not pumped about making changes in this story. You are kind of pathetic, right? You were the victim, not the hero, not the victor. , if you're ready, you wanna make changes, but you're not feeling willing, you're not feeling that willingness. You need to be productively past focused.

Doesn't mean we ignore the past, even if the past is just yesterday, just means we're productive when we think about it. So I'll tell you what I mean by that. You look at the past and you tell yourself a new story, a new history. Now, if this is decades of trying to lose weight, you will have a little more work to do here, but it's worth it to shift your self-concept so that it's easier to make the healthy choices you wanna make.

It's easier to follow your protocol. It's simply easier to release weight. Especially when you can see yourself as being a hero of your own story. So I'm gonna give you an example of how to do that, because how do we do that when we have so much evidence to the contrary, so much evidence of the struggle you decide that the struggle itself, the fact that you have not given up yet indeed makes you the hero.

I can't believe I just said indeed. But , he makes you the hero. You're reframing how you tell your own story to yourself, to your own brain, rather than it just being on default. So I'm gonna give you two versions of my story, the same story to illustrate this point. Okay? Here's version one. Version one is I didn't grow up with a lot of money, and when my parents got divorced, when I was I think around seven, that only got worse because my dad wasn't really in my life and he didn't pay any child support.

My mom, who only had a high school education, worked full-time, but she was always stressed about paying the bills. Our financial situation improved slightly when she met my stepdad and he moved in, but my relationship with him was pretty strained, and that's when my problems with food really began. So throughout my teens and early twenties, I over exercised in an effort to offset my overeating, and it never worked.

I was literally trying one diet after another, one cleanse after another. I learned as much as I could about nutrition in terms of weight loss. All about weight loss. I was watching as much Oprah as I could. I was seeking out all of the self-help I could get Dr. Phil Eckhart Tole just to name. My weight really fluctuated throughout the years, and I never felt truly that I was at my natural weight or ever really that comfortable in my body.

I spent so much money, so much time, just an unimaginable amount of energy, always thinking about my weight, thinking about food, what I was gonna eat, what I did eat, and weight. Eventually I discovered life coaching and learned about how to eat to optimize my fat loss and still feel like I was healthy and being nourished.

And I paired those two to start solving for the reasons I was overeating in the first place. I wanted to use this knowledge to help other women, but I didn't know how and I didn't think I could even start a business or even get any. So for the next couple of years, I toiled away at some corporate jobs, basically becoming more and more miserable.

Then a colleague of mine noticed just some of my healthy habits, like I was going to the gym, eating healthy, and she started asking me questions and I mentioned that I was thinking about coaching clients on food and weight loss, and she agreed to be my first client. She. But I was in so much self-doubt and despair for such a long time about building a business until eventually I decided I'd, I'd put out the money for an expensive business course, put it on my credit card, and eventually I started to get some traction in my business.

Now I have a coaching business in which I use all those tools that I've learned to help others, specifically women. Okay, so that was version one. Here's version. . I was really fortunate to have loving parents who provided me with basically everything I needed. We weren't rich by any means, but I was safe and cared for.

And in my small town in the Rockies, you didn't really need a lot of money to have a great life. We spent a lot of time outdoors, and I was especially close to my mom, who even with just a high school degree, just a high school education, she worked her. In hospital administration and was very resourceful and very responsible when it came to money.

This came in really useful when my dad didn't pay his portion of the child support. Eventually, my mom met someone who she really cared about and with his help, we added onto the house. We bought a new vehicle and even a boat to use on the lake, and that was pretty awesome because we went tubing and I learned how to water.

And like most teenage girls in the nineties, I was pretty insecure about my body and had poor body image, and I started dieting and then I started using food to deal with my emotions. I also, at this time, got really into exercise, which now I'm so thankful for because it really fostered an appreciation for moving my body and really loving how I like to, how I feel after I move.

So feeling agile and feeling. So even though I was going through really challenging times, I was always looking to improve my situation and I resourced myself with the thought leaders available to me at the time. Listen, this was like early days of internet , right? So I had Oprah, I had Dr. Phil, I had Eckhart Tole.

But this passion for personal growth has proved to be invaluable in my life, not only in my relationships, but my career. Although my weight really fluctuated, I was never significantly overweight and not many people would say that I had a weight problem, but I knew I wasn't where I wanted to be. And so that drive led me to keep searching for answers, which finally led me to life coaching.

This is also where I learned about how to eat to optimize my fat loss and feel really good. So I paired those two to start solving for the reasons I was overeating in the first. I was inspired to use all of this knowledge to help other women, and not long after I had that inspiration and that idea, a colleague of mine noticed my healthy habits started asking me questions, and I mentioned that I was thinking about coaching clients on food and weight loss.

She agreed to volunteer and be my first client. Like most entrepreneurs, anyone starting a business, I had a few false starts when it came to building that business and making it profitable. But after my son was born, I just had a new lease on life. I really genuinely wanted to be an example to him that he could make his dream come true, as cheesy as it sounds.

And so I signed up for a business course that I had previously thought was too expensive, but I was committed. I was serious, and I was really willing to bet on. Now I have a thriving coaching business in which I use all my personal experience, along with all the tools that I've learned to help others overcome what I once thought was impossible.

Okay, so that's version number two. Both of these stories, my stories , are a hundred percent true. They all have the same facts, but I'm sure as you were listening, you could feel the difference. Such a difference when it comes to your weight loss journey and your past decisions about food. And when I say past, I'm talking about what you had for breakfast this morning.

I'm talking about what you did over the weekend or what you did five, 10 years ago. , okay. You are likely telling yourself a story that's more in the spirit of version one. If you feel terrible upon reflecting on it, what you had this morning, what you did yesterday, what you have been doing over the last five years, then that's a cue that you're in version one.

So there's really an opportunity for you here. So without knowing any of the details of your specific story, here's what I wanna offer as another option. No matter how many times you thought you couldn't, No matter how many setbacks you've had, temporary successes and failed attempts, you are still going no matter how hard it is.

You get back up every time you keep moving forward. Sure you're bruised and maybe you're battered and your body has the scars and holds your history, but you are future focused. There's a part inside of you that is relentless, that won't. . You know, deep down inside that your natural weight is meant for you.

Otherwise you wouldn't want it. You wouldn't have that desire, and you have the courage to listen to that desire, even when that voice is merely a whisper. You can hardly hear it. You are exactly where you need to be. You're getting better and better. You are learning, you're growing, you're learning self-acceptance, and you're moving forward.

Every setback. Makes you more determined to find a solution. Nothing. Not even your own self-doubt can stop you from getting exactly what you want. It's only a matter of time. So listen, if you are in need of some motivation, you need to start telling yourself a story like that about yourself, even if you don't believe it.

If you don't believe all of it right now, be open to the possibility that it could be. , you're listening to this, which means you've not given up yet. So I know that there's some truth in there. You don't need to be super motivated to restart, to have a mental game plan to restart and get back up. You don't, you not to get started again, you simply need a little activation energy just enough.

And I hope even in hearing those thoughts, that story version two of your story, ignited a little of that activation energy to get the ball rolling. Okay, so next I wanna switch gears and talk about what else sucks. Our willingness to move forward and take that first step, and that's shame and guilt about what we've eaten or the weight that we've gained back.

This is something that can require more intensive work and or coaching. But what if for you, it doesn't? So just stay with me here. What if you could decide right now in this moment, and I'll give you a moment inside your head in a second here, but what if you could decide to never allow guilt and or shame when it comes to something you ate?

Or if you put on some extra weight, here's your moment. You could decide that right now. , did you know that you could. I bet no one ever told you that . Maybe I did in another podcast, but you can. I'm giving you permission right now, whether you've eaten one cookie or the whole batch, whether you gained two pounds or gained 10 after your last vacation, no guilt, no shame how, because both of those emotions come from thinking you did something wrong or that there's something wrong with.

I don't care what food it is an exception or not. There is simply no such thing as a wrong food. That is just a concept that up until today you've accepted as true, but is totally made up. There is no wrong food, right Food, good food, bad food, clean food or junk food. No, there is only. , does it impact how you feel physically?

Does food have impacts on your body? Of course, but that's all neutral. You are the only person telling yourself that by eating the food you did, that you did something wrong. Now, if it was serving you, I'd say keep thinking that way. If thinking that the food was bad or thinking that the food was wrong and that you shouldn't have done it, if that made you.

Motivated, expansive, inspired, and really motivated you to take action by all means. But I suspect that it's creating guilt and if you're feeling guilty, you're just much less likely to make positive choices for yourself and be exceptionally kind and loving to yourself and those around you. Probably moody.

You're probably grumpy , so you could decide to drop it. Shame there's something wrong with. I mean, obviously there is, right? Because you know what to do and you aren't doing it. You've been dealing with this for so long, maybe even years or decades, . That is how most of us think, and that is why most of us will never lose the weight and we stay stuck.

What if there's absolutely nothing wrong with you? All that is happening is some habits and some coping mechanisms you learned early on. to deal with unpleasant emotions simply because you were never taught any other way. So I don't care if you've been doing this for years and you just binged yesterday, , release yourself from the shame of that.

It's not necessary. You know, I once told my husband that I just, you know, I loved him so much that that included the worst thing he had ever done, said, or even thought. That even what he thought was the worst of him, I still loved. I just loved everything, right? My love for him included all of it. And you get to offer that to yourself too.

Okay, so quick recap here. Use the story of your past productively by putting yourself as the hero. As the victor, this can still be true even if you haven't reached your weight law goal, especially if you haven't reached it or you've recently regained some weight. Your story is simply not done yet. You thought maybe it would be done at this point, but it's not.

You just don't know when the end of your story is. , you're maybe not even halfway when it comes to your weight loss journey, and maybe it just gets better and better and better, right? Those movies where it's like really hard for the protagonist in the beginning, and then things just start getting better and better for them.

My husband and I just took a day off and watched my cousin, Vinny. It's such an old movie. I think it's like 92. But listen, it's an oldie and a goodie. If you have not watched it or if you haven't watched it in a really long time, watch it again. It was even funnier when I watched it. This time it's, I think it's one of my favorite movies.

And in the beginning you see that he's really struggling, right? He's running into like challenge after challenge, after challenge, and then once he gets the ball rolling, it's like win after win after win. What if that was. , what if this was like the pivotal moment? And that could be you. It's possible. Okay.

You just need to start telling yourself a different story that the struggle has all been learning. It's all been worth it. It's all brought you to this point where now you're gonna, you're so ready. You're just really ready to take that next step and start implementing some changes. You don't need much motivation to start making healthy changes.

All you need is a little activation energy, just enough to make maybe one change today. Telling yourself a new story will definitely help generate that. You could decide to never allow guilt. When it comes to overeating again, simply decide, there's nothing inherently wrong with overeating or eating foods off your.

When you do overeat or eat an exception or something that wasn't on your plan, you'll simply learn from it and move forward. It's as simple as that. No need to dwell on it, and the same goes for shame. Decide there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Nothing to be fixed. Simply some skills to learn and habits to change, and you are doing that.

You're changing those habits. You are learning the skills. Even by listening to this podcast, you're so much further along, maybe slow, but it's sure, right. Slowly but surely, you are moving forward. So keep going. I'll talk to you again soon.