Ep. 45 Not Making Progress

Hi and welcome to the Mindful Shape podcast. I’m Paula Parker, and I’m a weight and life coach. It’s summertime now and for many of you that could mean summer parties, vacations and summer clothes which MAY be bringing up something along the lines of…I’m not where I thought I would be by now. Maybe you set a weight loss goal by summer and even if you’ve released some weight, you’re not as close to where you thought you would or should be. And that sucks right? Doesn’t leave you feeling great or very motivated. 

So if this is you right now, I thought I’d do an episode just for you. If you are thinking to yourself, I’m not making progress, I guarantee it’s not getting you CLOSER to what you want, EVEN if you haven’t quit yet. 

Let’s examine ways to relate to this weight loss journey of ours in a way that DOES get us closer to what we want, while feeling a little less terrible. That kinda sums up this whole podcast actually. Getting closer to what you want while feeling just a little less terrible. I asked a newer client recently if she thought her current protocol was sustainable and she said “yeah it is, and you know, it’s not horrible.” We had a good laugh.

Okay first I want you to stop right now and think about how you are currently oriented toward your weight loss goal. By that I mean, have you recently gained or released some weight? Have you been at a plateau for a little while or bouncing within a 5lbs range since Christmas? 

Which sets of clothes are you wearing? I know you have those skinny clothes - the clothes you only try on when you’re ‘feeling’ thinner. Whatever is happening on the scale or however your clothes are feeling to you, that is how you are oriented toward your goal. It’s all made up in your head because you’re in control of the reference point. 

You’ve probably heard before the idea that we define failure - meaning there isn’t really such thing as failure - there’s only unmet expectations and we call it a failure. We decide something is a failure or not - there is no failure police. I think it’s the same thing with progress. 

Most people think that if they’ve recently lost weight they’ve made progress and that if they’ve gained weight or simply haven’t lost any in a while, they have NOT made progress. Sometimes clients lose weight, but it’s not enough weight (whatever that is in their heads) and so they still think they haven’t made progress. They say, “I’m not making progress” EVEN when they’ve released weight. 

Notice the extremely narrow definition we often use to define progress. Notice that by only thinking of progress as the scale going down or by it going down faster than it is, usually makes us feel frustrated. 

So here’s what I’d like to share with you - ALL progress, especially sustainable weight loss, is slooooow. It’s honestly never as fast as we want it to be. So don’t feel bad if it’s now summer and you’re a little bummed ok? Our bodies are simply designed for storage and so the fat loss game is a long one when you aren’t doing something extreme and temporary.

Another way we orient ourselves on this journey is if we’ve lost weight ,say we release 10lbs and then we gain 5lbs back. Many of us will think we’ve LOST the progress we’ve made. When we think that way, it feels as if we’re going backwards. I actually don’t think this anymore but I used to so that’s why I thought I’d share it because I can relate. You may me thinking that’s like the ONLY way of thinking about it. But I always think I’m further ahead - EVEN if the scale goes up. How can this be? Because I always see myself moving forward - getting better - learning more. 

So I want to offer that a. You can change how you orient yourself to your current weight and b. You can broaden your definition of what progress actually is for you. So I want to give you some examples for what to focus on when you’re feeling like you’re not making progress and then an action tip to practically help you move forward.

Many of you discount your progress too quickly. Look for progress in ALL of the actions you are taking. 

Maybe you’re being a bit more compassionate with yourself. Maybe you’ve resisted the temptation to do a crash diet. Maybe you’re making better choices than you were last year at this time or even last month or last week. Maybe you’re listening to your body more when it comes to knowing if you’ve had enough at meals. Maybe you’ve cut down on the drinks or sugar or flour. Maybe you’re going for walks,  journaling doing thought work or meditating. Maybe you’ve allowed a few urges to pass over the last couple of weeks. Maybe you’re being deliberate with what you put in your brain in terms of messaging and images. Maybe you’ve been able to tune into your emotions recently and not try to push them away. All of this can be counted toward making progress. 

You might find this easier to do in other areas of your life. For me I’m able to do this pretty easily in my business. I think one thing that’s really helped my success is that I never thought I should be further along than I was. In the beginning I was tracking my progress - how many instagram followers, the number of you who have subscribed to my email list, how many podcast downloads that kind of data. And I can honestly say that I was so grateful for every single one. Like when I had like 42 downloads - I was thrilled. 42 people were listening to me! Now it’s thousands and I’m just as thrilled. 

The difference is I’ve developed a commitment to the process of building a business vs the end result. So in terms of your weight loss journey, a practical action step is to look at what you’re focussing on currently and how you’re defining progress. Are you only looking at the number on the scale? Are you constantly comparing that to your end result? If you’re committing to the process, you’ll be more focussed on WHO YOU ARE BECOMING as a person on your weight loss journey. 

Know that you’ll likely fail a thousand times before you reach your goal. What if that was part of it? What if it didn’t mean anything about your ability to get the body you want? My bet is that when you know you’ll go off protocol at some point and fall short in some way, you wont’ spend time dwelling on it and overeating for the next couple of days. My bet is you’ll feel lighter about the entire thing - you’ll chalk it up to a learning experience and move on quickly. All or nothing thinking is one of the biggest traps in weight loss. You eat one tiny thing off plan and then start to spiral. It’s a real skill to catch when that’s happening and redirect your brain. But when you get good at that, you really see it in your results. 

Another thing I really wanted to emphasize is how much we can unwittingly tie our sense of progress or lack of progress with our sense of worth. Like we are better when we’re making progress and we are worse when we aren’t. But there is no better or worse when it comes to your worth as a person. I know many of you get this, but there are also probably some of you who are using your weight loss journey to hurt yourself. By that I mean when you don’t follow your protocol or you overeat or you gain some weight, you see yourself as a big failure and feel shame. There is absolutely no reason for you to EVER feel shame when it comes to what you eat - It doesn’t matter what it is or how much, or to feel shame around your weight. For some of you, this will be your work. But just know you will not be a better person when you no longer overeat and are at your goal weight. You will still be 100% worthy just as you are now. That won’t change. 

The reasons we want to release weight are often because we want to feel better about ourselves and be more confident. This is available to you NOW. When we start focusing on our progress, we’ll start feeling better about ourselves and it will help us access more confidence. Even if it’s only 5% more - that would be nice right? Better than nothing.

We get obsessed with the result instead of being devoted to the direction of where we’re going and who we are ALREADY becoming simply by going for our goal, making positive changes and taking care of ourselves. 

Give yourself more credit. I needed a reminder on this and thought you might need one too. 

You are making progress, so start acting like it.