Ep. 55 Mental Prep for the Holidays

 Hi, and welcome to the Mindful Shape Podcast. I am Paula Parker, a life and weight loss coach. So today I'm going to do a shorter episode, I think, on mental prep for the holidays. So I do have another longer episode on this, actually, I don't know if it's longer, but episode 21. Is called what success looks like during the holidays.

There will be a tiny little bit of overlap, but in general this is gonna be newer material. So if you want extra, go back and listen to that one. Otherwise just stay tuned. You don't have to listen to that one first by any means. So what I wanna talk about today is the three main obstacles that tend to get in our way over the holidays.

So the first one is all or nothing thinking.

So this can be when you think that you either have to be super strict and 100% on plan to release weight. So you don't factor in any indulgences. I call them exceptions, or make a workable plan that's gonna see you through to the holidays. And by plan I just mean today I'm going to have an exception or not, or this is what it's gonna look like.

And so that's what we can think about in terms of workable. Oftentimes we'll get into all or nothing thinking where we haven't even decided on what we were gonna do or how many exceptions we'll have that day. And so when somebody offers us some baking without thinking, we just eat it. And then we feel bad after cuz we're thinking this is not gonna help me reach my goal.

Or you don't feel as good as your in your body. And then so you just decide, ah, screw it. I'm just. Keep on eating. Another way that this shows up is that you think once you've indulged that, you might as well just continue eating anything and as much as you want now. Because of course you're gonna start fresh the next day, or sometimes this is happening over a few days.

You might think I'm gonna start fresh after the holidays. I'm just gonna get through the holidays. It's gonna be too hard to deny my desire. And so once the holidays end, that's when I will get started. So let's talk about some solutions to these very common problems that we've all experienced. Okay.

And I will tell you from personal experience that I remember times, especially like coming home from university, that period where Christmas starts and then the week before New Year's was pretty indulgent , right? So it becomes something where you, I used to get home and it just started the eating fren.

And so after that week, you feel pretty terrible. . I don't want that for you. Okay. So for some of you, it happens earlier. I know in the US you guys have Thanksgiving in a week or so, and sometimes it can happen then. So what are the solutions so that you don't slip into this all or nothing thinking, but you still get to enjoy the things that you want.

So when you're thinking about the holidays, you just wanna decide ahead of time. Okay? Do I want to. Totally fine. Do I want to release weight during this time? Then what is that gonna require? Or am I okay with gaining some knowing that, yeah, you're not gonna be super strict in January, but you know how your body loses or will release weight and you'll plan for that ahead of time, right?

Doesn't mean you go into all or nothing thinking, it just means you're really deliberate and paying attention. Maybe you're okay with gaining a couple of pounds or whatever. Totally fine. Okay.

So what are the solutions to this, all or nothing thinking that happens during the holidays. One is just having a daily plan.

So instead of planning for the entire holiday period, just take five minutes the night before or the morning to decide whether you'll allow some indulgences and if so, how much or how many given. How you wanna feel in your body and also what activities you're gonna be doing. So of course you wanna be factoring that in, but it doesn't take long, that long to really take a few minutes at the beginning of the day or the night before just to decide in advance.

And the key to making this plan that will make it workable is coming from a place of self compass. So when I say that, I know that many of you are gonna be thinking if I'm compassionate with myself, I'll just eat everything. I'll give myself permission or license to eat everything. And I just really wanna emphasize that if you step back and take a look at that, that overeating is never a compassionate choice, especially when you're trying to release weight or you have some weight loss goals.

Overeating is not compassionate. Okay. You might be thinking about how you wanna feel in your body. During the holidays, we generally don't wanna feel like heavy tired, lethargic, like stuffed. You probably wanna feel more energized, more alive, more vibrant, maybe comfortable. It doesn't mean you won't have an indulgence, but it just means you're gonna be paying attention.

To how you're feeling. So for me, if I have one piece of pie, I'm still probably feeling okay. I may feel a little heavy depending on my meal, but I'm still gonna feel comfortable. If I have two , I'm probably not gonna feel comfortable. Probably gonna need to take an anas or something. So I'm, even though I will have desire, For a second piece of pumpkin pie, I'm gonna what I'm gonna value more is feeling comfortable in my body so that I can let that desire be there and it's not that big of a deal because I value feeling comfortable in my body more than I value that temporary pleasure.

And it might take some work for you to get there, but just know that's possible and it helps if you start deciding ahead of time how you wanna feel.

Another thing that I see quite a bit and experienced myself is that day one mentality or diet starts Monday.

So when you think that you're gonna start in the future, you never really get started on a long-term sustainable weight loss or weight management way of living.

Because you're always pushing off that start date, so that immediate gives you feels good because you also, I think what happens is you get the dopamine off of thinking, oh, I'm gonna see that weight loss and I get to eat what I want in the moment. So that's why it gets so addictive and how we get stuck in that way of thinking is because it feels good.

Because you're kinda lying to yourself a little, like telling yourself, I'm gonna start on Monday, or I'm gonna start after the holidays, and then I'm really gonna see the weight loss that I want, and in the meantime I get to eat everything I want now, so just watch if that's happening for you. Because when you're telling yourself you'll start in the future, you never get started on a sustainable way of. . Another thing I wanna mention is what to do after you overeat or have an indulgence. Decide right now. Maybe you could even take a moment to decide after you listen to this podcast, or even in this moment as I'm talking, , tune me out a little

You could decide now what you will need to tell yourself about over eating. Or about the indulgence that you had so that you don't feel the guilt, the shame, disappointment, or any self-judgment. And the reason that we wanna get ahead of that is because when we feel like that, when we feel terrible, we will continue to overeat.

That tends to happen, right? So what we wanna do is decide, okay, listen. I'm not planning on overeating and here's how, here's my strategy on how I'm gonna listen to my body and not overeat. Allow desire, allow those feelings, however, If I, in a moment of weakness, overeat, and I have an indulgence that I've planned, here's what I've decided to think about that.

Here's how I'm gonna let it go. Here's how I'm gonna say, okay, you know what? This is not how I wanna be, however, My next meal, this is what I'm gonna do. I'm maybe gonna allow for more hunger tomorrow. It could be something like, okay, say I was gonna have two cookies and I ended up having four.

And I say, I ended up, but it's never ended up, is it? It's like you chose to have four and that's okay. We take ownership over that. You're a human. You can have thoughts of, okay, you know what, I'm just gonna drink a lot of water to stay really hydrated because I'm feeling kind of puffy. We wanna like our body to reset and maybe I'll skip dessert tomorrow, even though I was planning on it, or, I'll ensure that I don't overeat tomorrow.

Just simply by paying attention to how I'm feeling in my body as I eat. Doesn't have to be super complicated. Doesn't have to be super strict or restric. The second obstacle that I see that happens a lot is food pushers, . So we don't blame anyone else ever for what we choose to put in our bodies. However, I know that this can be an obstacle when people, when you're going to people's houses or people are dropping food off or you get gifted, some holiday baking, that kind of thing.

So there's gonna be some times when you've planned it and you want the indulgence. But what about the other times when you have said you've decided no? Because if you could imagine sometimes if you ate every single thing that was put in front of you during the holidays, you definitely would be not feeling so hot , you probably would gain weight, right?

So we want to be deliberate about our choices. You might be thinking it's a problem because you don't wanna make the other person feel bad, or you don't wanna draw attention to yourself by saying no. These, I think, are thought. Because of course you are not responsible for somebody else's feelings, so by saying no to somebody else's baking or whatever, They will have thoughts and feelings about that, but it's totally on them.

You don't have to feel bad about that. . You could even be like, this food isn't good for me. Do you hate me? Why are you even offering this to me? , if it's sugar and flour, what do you want me to spike my insulin? This is not good for me. So of course, you're not gonna be saying that probably, but I just wanna show you that there's lots of different options on how to think about.

And the other thing I hear is people say, I don't wanna draw attention to myself.

I don't wanna be the only one not participating. And what I wanna say about that is, why is that a problem? What's the matter with people paying attention to you? Really? So the reason it could be a problem is because you think they're judging you negative.

But of course you can't control that. So what really matters is what your opinion is of you. That's what you wanna decide in advance. What do you wanna make it mean when you say no to the food? You don't have to make it mean that, oh, you are somebody with a weight loss problem or a weight problem, or that you are somebody who can't have those things.

Very disempowering. When we choose those thoughts instead, it could be I'm just somebody who wants to feel really good in their body, right? I just want, I wanna be somebody who has a plan and way of living and follows through and can be as simple as that. The very last one or obstacle that I wanna talk about is over desire.

And when I talk about over desire, what I'm talking about here is we have a natural desire for food, but we know it's over desire when there's more desire than we want given. How we want our body to look. So you can imagine somebody who is at their natural weight, they're still gonna desire food, but they never desire to overeat.

They never desire to eat food that is going to not make them feel good or gonna put excess weight on their body. They just don't have that over desire for food. Doesn't mean they don't overeat every now and then, but on the. They don't have that. If you're experiencing that, if you are overweight, you likely have some over desire for food, and so you're thinking that you need to eat outside of physical hunger.

That's over desire. That's what I'm talking about. You might think this is a problem because you don't want to feel deprived. So if you are ever telling your. Oh, I'm being deprived or I don't wanna deprive myself. That's a real good clue that there's some over desire that you need to that you don't need to, but you could take a look at.

The other thing is that you might think you're missing out or that you're denying yourself pleasure.

What do we do when we're experiencing this? First, I've talked about this many times before. Deprivation is a feeling that we have based on our thinking, so make peace with wanting food, having that desire for food that you think is delicious.

Nothing has gone wrong. You can want two things at once, so you can want to be at your natural weight and you can want to have pumpkin pie, . So decide ahead of time how you wanna feel in your body and eat to that point, then stop. The only thing that will ever get in the way is an emotion that you think you can't handle.

So you hit the eject button and you eat food. That's the only thing that happens, right? It's actually super simple. Once. Once we know that for ourselves, I'm saying pumpkin pie so often because I hope I don't stimulate a craving , but we have somebody staying with us right now. A friend of my husband's, end of mine somebody he used to work with and he had this amazing recipe for pumpkin pie and so he made it.

And so we've been having that. Okay, the next question is, what do you think it is that you're missing out on? Are you indulging in entitlement or self pity? Are you telling yourself that you should be able to eat like everyone else, or that this is really a sad case for you? You just wanna be really aware of what you're telling yourself there, because what you're actually missing out on is gaining.

Right is not feeling so good is the, all the ramifications of overeating. When you choose to follow through with your plan and listen to your body as you're eating, what you're gaining is self mastery, is you get to feel feelings of pride, feel good in your body, feel good in your clothes, and reach your goals.

Another thing that you can really focus on is where if you're thinking, I don't wanna deny myself. Where else can you get pleasure? It might be from how you feel in your body. Physically it might be how you feel in your clothes or from the ambiance, like from the conversation with the people that you love.

It could even feel pleasure to have some rest from work, just to have some time off during the holidays. And also I think we can derive a lot of pleasure and satisfaction. Just knowing that we're following through and keeping our word to ourself right? You don't wanna underestimate the power of what that feels like.

Okay? So when you aren't physically hungry and you haven't decided ahead of time to have an indulgence yet, you find yourself wanting the food or going back and forth in your head or making justifications to eat, here's exactly what you can do.

One is you notice. The desire. So just notice that it's even happening.

Number two is you locate it in your body. Where do you feel it? A lot of people feel like a pulling from their chest or maybe they feel something going on in their mouth. Whatever that is, you wanna locate it in the body. Step three, you wanna open up to it. I just always think, of course this is happening.

Of course, the food looks delicious, it tastes delicious. I've got all these thoughts that create this desire. Of course this is happening. I have this desire and it's not a problem. Number four is stay with it. Stay with it in the body until it dissipates. So people are always say how long? How long does that take?

And it's always just gonna depend, but the idea is you just tune in with your body. Just stay with yourself, hold space for yourself, and it will dissipate. It's unlikely to wake up the next morning and want pumpkin pie for breakfast. It does happen , but probably not likely. And then number five is just notice what takes its.

So you'll have intense desire. You'll allow it to dissipate, and then something else will take its place. Some other kind of emotion, and this could just be a sense of pride or maybe calm or maybe peace. Okay, so I just wanted to mention those five steps. I've talked about them in different ways at different times, so there might be different ways in which I've talked about it that will resonate with you.

But basically you wanna notice it, locate it in the body, open up to it, and stay with it in the body until it dissipates. And then notice what takes its. Okay. I hope that was helpful in terms of setting up your mind for how you wanna feel during the holidays and what your goals are, whether it's to release weight, to maintain, or if you're okay with gaining a few pounds, but you still are feeling in charge no matter what you decide to do.

Okay. That's it for me. I will talk to you again soon. Okay. Bye.