Ep. 22 Overcome the 4 Most Common Fears that Prevent You From Losing Weight
Summary:
In this episode I’m talking about what my clients tell me they’re most afraid of when it comes to starting a weight loss program. Are these common thoughts holding you back? Are they preventing you from reaching your goal weight or even trying? You can override this type of thinking and it’s the key to setting yourself up for success with ANY food and exercise program you choose. Will 2021 be the year you finally achieve that number on the scale you’ve been aiming for? It can be.
Recently I’ve been doing some coaching exercises to improve how I help my clients. I’ve been thinking a lot about you all. I’ve been trying to get in your head - and it’s not that hard, at least I don’t think because I was one of you. I was someone who sought out coaching to help me figure out the food thing and release excess weight. But at the same time, I can’t be in your heads. I don’t know for sure what specifically you’d like to know about. And so I’d like to ask you a favor. I want to keep making weekly episodes on topics that you want to know about so if you have a question about something - anything, please email it to me at paula@mindfulshape.com and I will then use it as a topic for a future podcast episode. I am so curious and eager to hear what questions you have.
And as I was doing this practice, one of the things I was thinking about and know comes up for women who are struggling with their weight and what to do about it is all of the fear thoughts. So I thought for this episode I would call them out - we’ll call them out together in a very safe space so that we can yeah know, bring them into the light, examine them and put them to rest. I think you’ll recognize them yourself and hopefully the next time they come up, you’ll be at an advantage in dealing with them. They won’t dictate your behaviour. I also want to talk about fear thoughts in general and give you some practical tips on how we can modulate fear in the brain.
#1. Okay so of course, the biggest one is the fear that it’s not going to work.
That you’re not going to succeed. You’re thinking about starting a new food and exercise plan or starting a new program of some sort - whatever that is- and there’s some doubt that it will even work. Your fear thoughts are saying things like, “What’s different about this? Chances are it won’t work because nothing else has worked.” And what’s the cost to you? It could be a financial one if the program costs money. You could be out a few hundred bucks. Or it could be emotional. Yet another disappointment. Your brain is like, both of those are terrible, let’s think it over a little longer, or let’s look into a different program.
I know when I was thinking about working with a coach I wanted a guarantee that it would work for me. I didn’t want to spend $1000 on a program that wouldn’t work. So I spent a lot of time agonizing over it, looking at their reviews and their clients’ before and after photos. We want to know that it will actually work right? I wanted proof.
So here’s the thing about this fear. There are NEVER any guarantees - no matter what program you choose. Why? Because it will always be up to you and your thoughts. The thoughts you bring into the program and the thoughts you cultivate throughout the program. No matter what program you choose, you will ultimately decide (unconsciously or not) whether you will get the result you want. This is why there are those people who have amazing before and after photos and then there are probably at least 10 other people who quit or just didn’t drop the weight they were hoping for.
Now if your brain is identifying with this - if you’re feeling like crap because you are thinking, this is me and the last program I tried - stay with me here. We all try a million things, a million programs until we are ready for real change. So if this is you, don’t blame yourself. Know that everything you’ve done has brought you to this point and it is all more data and learning that you can use going forward.
If you’re planning on reaching your goal weight in 2021 - if that’s your year, then listen up. Before you choose a program, no matter what it is. You need to decide beforehand that you will make it work no matter what. You need to summon up the belief, the desire and the commitment to it. You need to be all in and if you are, you have absolutely nothing to fear. Because it will work. It may take longer than you’d hope, it may be harder than you thought, but it will work if you decide and then commit.
When you are evaluating programs look for these two things which have been proven over and over again to lead to behaviour change. One is accountability. You need to have someone there to keep you accountable when it gets hard and life gets in the way, because it will. Secondly, you need to be patient. Any program that’s offering a quick fix to your weight loss issue is a waste of your time, period.
It’s also a good idea to answer those, “What if” questions. “What if you pay hundreds of dollars and don’t see results?” Answer that question for yourself. What is the worst case scenario and are you prepared for that? Those “What if” questions about anything are only scary when we don’t answer them. When you answer them, usually you’ll find that you could handle any of those situations. Now I will say, my one caveat to this is if you are in major debt - like massive student loan or credit card debt, that kind of thing. If that’s the case you need to coach yourself around that first. Once that is under control or cleared up, only then should be investing in other areas of your life.
#2. The next fear is usually that it will be hard.
Maybe you’ve seen weight loss programs that promise you won’t have to deny yourself and you’ll still reach your goal weight. If only that were true. Let’s be real. If you’re carrying excess weight it means you’ve been overeating which means you’ll need to deny yourself more overeating. And that can be hard. Especially if you’ve been struggling with this for a long time. So let’s work with that thought, “It will be hard.” What if you could embrace it. What if you expected it to be hard. You went into 2021 with your new plan and you knew it was going to be hard. What if you wanted it to be hard because if it’s not hard, it’s not working. You’re not growing or changing. By doing this you are cultivating a new mindset. The mindset that is different than you had before.
So I’m suggesting we don’t go out trying to find the easiest plan to lose weight. We go out knowing that it’s hard to change - anything really. It’s hard to change patterns that you’ve been relying on for weeks, months or even decades. But we can do hard things. It’s all how we decide to think about it.
#3. Fear number three: If I lose it, I won’t be able to keep it off.
One of my clients told me this was her biggest fear. She said, “What if I go through all the effort, all the struggle to lose the weight only to gain it all back. It would all have been for nothing.”
Can you relate? I think this is a very common one. What if we get there but can’t keep it up? See how sneaky our brain is? Always trying to save us from discomfort and future pain. So much so that it won’t even let us have a chance at reaching our goal.
And this one sticks because most likely you’ve gone through this. You’ve tried a diet or program and lost 5lbs or so but then you plateaued and just gained it right back. There is just no getting around this one. If you want to maintain your efforts you need to commit to a lifestyle change. This is not a one and done issue. You’re playing the long game here. Releasing the excess weight is the first part. The second part is maintenance. And it requires a different set of mind tools. But if you’re working on your brain, if you’ve been learning the skills all along, it’s going to be so much easier because you’re not starting from scratch. For example, you’re using the hunger scale so you know when you’re actually hungry and when you’re full. You’re processing your emotions regularly with a mindful practice - maybe that’s journaling or doing a thought download. You’re aware of your thinking so that when you start to become food focused, you know exactly what to do to get yourself on track again.
What I’m saying is you’re building up these tools along the way if you’re self-coaching or working with a coach to release weight. If you do a crash diet, you’re not. You have exactly the same brain after a crash diet that you did before it. The same brain that put the weight on in the first place, so is it any wonder the results don’t last?
So how to you calm the fear of not being able to maintain your results? Try on these thoughts:
I will figure it out when I get there
I will use the tools and habits I’ve gained losing the weight to maintain
#4. The last one I want to talk about today is the fear of deprivation.
I know that was always a big one for me. It’s like Sunday night you’re planning on starting your plan on Monday and you’re already dreading it so you think I better get in all the yummy foods now! Or if you’re planning on starting a program in the New Year, you’ll be more likely to go a little crazy during the holidays knowing that restriction is looming. This is scarcity thinking 101 and something I talk about a lot because I’ve lived with it myself.
No one wants to be told they can’t have something. The minute you say that to yourself there’s a rebellious reaction right? You can often feel it happening automatically. If you say you can’t have chocolate you can think of nothing else. If you say you can’t have sugar, you suddenly have the urge to bake. So here’s how we can work with this.
First, if you need to - if this is a big issue for you, then I suggest including all foods in your food plan. Just knowing that you can have anything relieves some of the pressure. Next, instead of having high fat, high sugar foods on a whim, plan a pleasure meal - now note I didn’t say a pleasure day. This is not a cheat day. This is a planned out pleasure meal so that you have the opportunity to incorporate all foods into your plan.
It’s not like this is going to be super easy at first, if you’ve been on a free for all with food, a pleasure meal once or twice a week is going to feel very restrictive at first. So to you I say, let’s examine what restriction actually means to you. Actually think about this. I have so many clients who say to me, “Well I don’t want to restrict myself.” But why? What is so wrong with that? Why is that such a charged term for you? You restrict yourself from other self-harming things like doing cocaine or drunk dialing your ex. Why? Because you know it’s not in your best interest.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with restriction, it’s neutral- it’s what you’re making it mean that brings the negativity for you. You are associating restriction with negativity. In your mind it’s a bad thing, but is it? Maybe restriction could be a really positive thing. It could actually mean you taking control of your life. It could mean you decide what happens for you - you decide what and when to restrict something for your longer term happiness.
I just had a conversation with another coach I know yesterday about pleasure vs. happiness. You really need to be clear about whether you want to settle for the temporary pleasure over the future happiness of reaching your goal. Restriction is your ticket to the long game. You get to decide what it means for you.
Lastly I wanted to talk a little about the brain how you can use a mindfulness practice for fearful thoughts, whether they’re around weight loss or just general anxiety. You’ll hear me talking a lot about the pre-frontal cortex. That’s the part of the brain that was the latest to develop evolutionarily speaking and is what distinguishes us from other animals. One of it’s important functions is to modulate fear. What I mean is the ability to override fear. To have fearful thoughts and be able to talk yourself off the ledge. To see that actually, you are not going to be eaten by a sabretooth - you are not going to die just because you have to give a presentation at work and you’re scared. It’s your brain’s ability to recognize the fear for what it is and to act in your best interests despite the fear.
I bring this up because I recently learned that one of the ways you can strengthen this, support your pre-frontal cortex is by having a mindfulness practice. So simply be meditating - or whatever your mindfulness practice is, journaling, doing a thought download or gentle yoga, this is supporting that system. So yet another reason to build that habit.
So has this alleviated some of your weight loss fears? I hope so. Some food for thought anyways. If you have others I didn’t mention or as I said before, if you have an idea for this podcast - a question or topic you’d like me to cover, please reach out to me through email at paula@mindfulshape.com.