Ep. 20 The Best Motivation Strategies for Long Term Weight Loss
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about motivation. When I worked on the notes for this podcast it was 4:30am in the morning. Now to be clear, I didn’t get up at this time because I was highly motivated. During my pregnancy I’ve had a lot of insomnia so it’s not unusual for me to be up at 3 and 4 in the morning. Usually I have a milky tea, maybe some yogurt and read my book then go back to bed. But today I decided to use the time to work because we’re moving this weekend and I won’t have any time to produce this podcast. I’m highly motivated to work because I have a deadline coming.
I’ve also been thinking about this because over the summer I was not at all motivated to work on anything other than my 9-5 job, which meant a lot of things fell by the wayside. Although I continued coaching my current clients, I wasn’t actively acquiring new ones, I wasn’t on social media and I took a break from the podcast. Now I definitely had some mind drama around that, especially at first. But when I decided (and it was a clear decision) to let that go and embrace a quiet period of just being pregnant, the mind chatter went away.
There was so much resistance that had been coming up for me in the beginning and for weeks it wasn’t easy for me to discern if it was procrastination from self-sabotage and something I needed to push through or if it was something else. Like maybe it was just not the right timing. Maybe it wasn’t the time to push, it was the time to rest.
So today I want to talk about motivation, resistance and right timing as it pertains to weight loss. There will be times, many many times when you feel unmotivated. How do you push through? How do you know when it’s best to push through? That’s what I want to talk about today. If you’re feeling unmotivated about your weight loss journey right now, I hope by the end of this episode you’ll have a new perspective and feel inspired to take the next right step. Ok, let’s get started.
The most common complaint when it comes to losing weight (and I think for any goal, really) is about staying motivated. You’ll often hear things like, “If I could just stay motivated I could get there,” and “I just have no motivation.” Sound familiar? Maybe you’ve had friends or family recently say that or you’ve said it yourself. Especially right now when we’re in a lock down because of COVID and the days are getting colder and darker. I heard someone say recently they weren’t feeling motivated and commented that, “it’s just that time of year.” And that’s true for a lot of people. But maybe, just maybe it doesn’t have to be true for you.
I say this because I want you to start noticing these common thoughts we spread around and to question them for yourself. Maybe it could be the opposite. If you’re not relying solely on outside circumstances to direct your thoughts and behaviours, you’re in control. It’s easier said than done of course. I’m still working on that for sure.
When I mentioned before how I’m working on this podcast right now because I won’t have time over the weekend, the motivation is largely from an external source. Much easier to get to work when you have that right? Somehow when there’s a deadline at work, we find a way to make it happen. And it’s often similar when it comes to a weight loss goal. If there is a big event like a wedding or a trip coming up, it can temporarily help you stay on track.
Remember, you are not going to FEEL like it. Just reminding yourself of this is helpful. Our brains are wired for pleasure and to reduce pain and discomfort. This is not a character flaw that you have. The only difference between someone who gets out of bed and someone who presses snooze is that the second person had more work to do on themselves. You might as well accept that you’re not always going to feel like and figure out some strategies to overcome that obstacle. Today we’re going to talk about what’s going on when you’re feeling unmotivated and how to create both external and internal systems for motivation.
First, here’s the scenario: If every night for the past week, you commit to your food plan and then every day you go off of it. Or every morning you commit to working out after work and then when 5pm comes, you're thinking about getting take-out for dinner instead, here’s what you need to do.
We need to redirect you out of this loop by going within and being curious with what’s going on, really. I’ve been listening to Chela Davison’s podcast What is Leadership and in a recent episode she talks about resistance. And she says, resistance is the most predictable response to change. Isn’t that so good to know? So rest assured, nothing is going wrong when you’re feeling resistant. When you’re feeling unmotivated.
So now, we’ve paused mentally. Maybe for you this is 5-10 minutes of meditation. Maybe it’s a 30 min meditation. Maybe it’s going for a walk or having a shower. And once you’re in a more relaxed state, take some time, preferably in a journal and do a mental inquiry.
Ask yourself these questions:
What are the facts?
For example, “I commit to my food plan at night and go off it during the next day.” Not judgement here, this is simply what’s happening.
What am I making that mean?
Maybe you’re spinning out in negative self-talk with a million reasons why you’re not doing what you said you would do. Maybe one of them is that you’re just not motivated!
Write out everything. Then we take a look and see if any of that is actually true. Is it true that you NEVER do what you say you’ll do? Of course not. You can find tons of examples of times when you made a plan and stuck with it. Maybe plans with a friend, or a work project, or simply deciding you’d clean the house and you did it. It doesn’t matter what it is, the point is that your brain will use terms like NEVER and it’s just not true.
So if it’s not any of that, then with compassion and curiosity we ask ourselves, what really is going on for us?
And this is where it gets really interesting. Really juicy. Because only you will know. And it takes practice working with your brain to get good at this. To be able to decipher what’s old negative programming that you need to push through, and what’s something deeper that’s not being addressed?
Let’s go back to my example for instance. As I mentioned I spent weeks in resistance to working on my projects. I was tired sure, but couldn’t understand why I was feeling so unmotivated too. I was indulging in confusion and mind drama. But then I did this exercise, I got very quiet and compassionate and thought, “what if I couldn’t be wrong about it, what would it mean?” For me, it meant I simply needed a rest. It was a timing thing. All my mental energy was being spent on my job, my marriage and my health. There just wasn’t anything left in the tank for more. I knew my projects would be there again when I was ready. Nothing was going wrong. And so much freedom came with that thought.
If you find yourself struggling and resisting your food plan or workout plan, it’s possible that you need to step back and reassess. It’s very possible that there’s another aspect of your life that needs attention. So often we think, if we could just get this weight issue resolved, lose 10lbs, fit into those jeans, everything else in our lives would be better. But sometimes, it’s the opposite.
Sometimes, there’s another part of your world that needs your energy. That might be your relationship, your family, your career, or a creative project. I encourage you to just momentarily, try on the idea that if one of these areas needs attention, if it’s nagging at you in your quiet moments, that this is where you can make the most difference. Spending time and energy here will have the greatest net positive on your life as a whole. And it’s with the momentum and life-giving energy that you get from your relationship or your creative project that will spill over to motivation in your weight loss journey.
A perfect example is when you’re in a new relationship and falling in love. You’re so filled up emotionally during this time that it’s very easy to not overeat. And I’m sure you’ve noticed the opposite too, when you’ve had a really stressful day it’s so tempting to veg out with Netflix and eat off your plan. This is also true on a macro level. If your job is unfulfilling or relationship is unfulfilling, it might be this is where your weight loss journey ACTUALLY starts.
Now you might be reluctant to abide by this. You might be really holding tightly to your weight loss goal and you don’t want to give it up. Notice that thought. Notice how you feel in your body? Are you rigid, tense? Maybe you’re even feeling anxious. That’s totally normal. Be gentle with yourself and trust that you have what it takes to reach your weight loss goal. It just may look a little different than what you have been thinking it would look like. It may come about it in a different way.
But what if, when you look deep within and you’re really honest with yourself, you find that no, it really is time to focus on the weight loss directly. It really is time to follow my plan and get results. How then, do we stay motivated long enough to reach our goal?
Motivation is a word. A label. What we want is the result of that motivation. There are two paths to get there: External and Internal.
First let’s talk about the external. Here I'm referring to systems & structure.
Our brains respond well to predictability, deadlines, systems and structures, so here are some ideas you can try to build that into your life to help you stay motivated. But first, why does this work? Because it doesn’t actually rely on FEELING motivated. Because guess what, no matter who you are or how great your habits are, there are going to be sometimes when you just don’t feel like it. I used to kickbox with a trainer and I loved it, but our sessions were at 6pm and there were MANY days when I would finish work and just want to head straight home. But because I was paying for it, because he was expecting me to show up at 6pm, I would go. And of course I would feel great once I got into our session. But it wasn’t internal motivation that did it, it was the structure that got me there.
So here are some examples of structure for weight loss.
Making sure you have healthy food that’s easy to prepare for a meal. For me this means doing meal prep on the weekends because I know that if it’s there, it will be much easier to have what’s on hand then having to go out to the store. You simply need to ensure you have the foods on your plan at your fingertips.
Setting out your workout clothes at night so they’re ready for your morning workout.
Having an accountability partner. If you’re not working with a trainer, is there a friend that you could plan to do a workout with at the same time? Just having someone who’s in it with you, even if it’s not physically and you’re simply texting each other, can be all it takes to get you from talking yourself out of it, to actually doing it.
Food journaling. This is a very unpopular one, I know. Most clients groan when I recommend food journaling. And I get it, because I’ve done it myself and I know that it can be annoying. But the reason I bring it up is that it’s another supportive system. The key is tricking our brains into keeping up momentum. Even if you go off your plan, but you put it in your food journal or app, your brain is still getting the signal that you’re on track and you’re less likely to give up and quit altogether.
Doing the same thing at the same time every day, whether that’s going for a walk, meditating or having the same healthy breakfast everyday. Our brains are association-makers so if you can tie a time with an action and keep it consistent, it won’t take long before you don’t really have to think about it, you just do it.
And if you’re ever having trouble taking the first step of your system, you can A. remind yourself that you’re not always going to feel like it and that’s okay. You can still do it. And B. you can use Mel Robbins 5-4-3-2-1 trick in which you simply count down in your head 5-4-3-2-1 and then do it. It’s a little neurological trick that cuts the mind chatter and somehow helps to get you to do it. 5-4-3-2-1 then just do it.
Now those are just some examples that came to mind, but I’m sure you can be more creative and come up with systems and structures that make your weight loss habits more automatic.
Focus on progress.
Progress drives us forward. That’s what truly makes us happy. We don’t often, if ever get what we want all at once, it happens in bit size chunks, but seeing ourselves make progress is rewarding.
Okay, so what if you have your systems and structures in place and you’re reminding yourself that you don’t have to feel like and you’re doing the 5-4-3-2-1 and you’re still not doing it. This was like me in the summertime. What if resistance just keeps coming up no matter what you do. Let’s talk about summoning internal motivation.
In addition to your structures and systems, you can cultivate internal motivation. Here’s how:
Find evidence of past successes.
You can do this by reframing your past as successful. For example, when you think back to ten years ago. Who were you then? I just had my birthday and I like to reflect on the last 10 years and just take the time to appreciate how far I’ve come and think about how much has happened in that time. In these last ten years, I met my husband, got married, made a major move, made some amazing new friends, started this coaching business and wrote a novel. Did bad things happen and did I go through tough periods, of course - there were many! But part of the reframe is to see those things as happening FOR you, not TO you. And when you see it that way, you start to see how much you learned from those dark periods. So I encourage you to think about this for your life and for your healthy journey. What do you know about your body, your habits, fitness and nutrition that you didn’t know ten years ago? I’ll bet there’s a ton! Whether your weight is higher or lower than ten years ago, you’ve had successes along the way and the information - the data you have at your disposal now can be considered a huge success.
Another way to find evidence of past success is in identification stories - others that have a similar story to you.
This is another mechanism of the human brain. When we see others do something, it’s easier for our brains to start to believe it’s possible for us too.
The best example of this is the 4 minute mile. It took until 1954 for someone to break this record and then within months, other runners were breaking it too. Now there’s been over 1,400 people who have broken that record.
I know that when I spent time with my friend and her baby years ago, it made it seem more possible for me to be a mother. And when I learned about a friend earning close to 100K in her job, it seemed more realistic for me too. So seek out examples of people that you have something in common with, maybe it’s a woman your age or who in some aspect you can relate to who’ve achieved their weight loss goal and have maintained it. Let your brain see that it was possible for them, and know that it’s possible for you too.
The next tactic for summoning internal motivation is to surround yourself with other people who have what you want.
What’s that stat?- that your salary is the average earnings of five of your closest friends? I don’t know if that’s actually true or not. But here’s the science, brains interact with each other through language in a way that synchronizes the brain. If you scan the brains of people in the same room they are pulsing more similarly than people out on the street. Brain patterns are similar in two people watching the same tv show or even things that you look at and listen to. So if you hear people who are positive, saying positive things and who are motivated - it will have impact. OR - find content that will bring that to you (speakers, books, videos, podcasts like this one). This will literally change your brain.
You need to be really discerning in what you allow into your brain. What kind of content gets in there. Like for me, I sometimes like listening to this true crime podcast called Crime Junkie, but I know that too much of that kind of stuff, although entertaining and a great escape, too much of it isn’t great for my brain - how I’m going to be thinking and feeling. So I know if I listen to one of those, I really need to offset it with like two inspirational podcasts.
You’ll really notice that if you’re consistently feeding your brain good information, you’re going to consistently feel better and more motivated than if you weren’t. And, I mean you’re listening to this so you’re already on a great track.
One more thing I’ll leave you with is this equation for desire because motivation stems from desire.
It’s: desire is equal to ascribed meaning plus embodied level of excitement plus high stakes.
I’ll say that again, The amount of motivation you feel is going to be dependent on three things: ascribed meaning, an embodied level of excitement and high stakes. So you can use this formula to increase your desire, your motivation by simply increasing one or more of those three things.
How do you increase ascribed meaning?
Get clear on what it would mean for you to be at your goal weight. How would you show up in your life differently than you do now? Would you feel more confident? Would you take bigger risks? Would you start dating? Maybe you would just be able to buy the clothes you want to wear. What would your life look like if you didn’t struggle with food? If you didn’t spend energy preoccupied with cravings or binge-eating? Remind yourself what this goal really, truly means for YOU.
How do you increase an embodied level of excitement?
That’s the physical sensation of being driven toward what you want. We know our bodies and minds are one and the same. If I tell you to think about biting into a crunchy dill pickle, your mouth is probably salivating already. So the same is true for weight loss goal. Activating your imagination is very powerful. What if you KNEW beyond a doubt that your goal weight was inevitable? It is. It’s simply math and drama. We figure out the math and coach ourselves through the drama. Practice getting excited about your future.
Lastly, how do you increase the stakes?
Think about what will happen if you DON”T make progress. What will you look like, feel like in a year from now if you continue overeating? What about 5 or 10 years down the road? What is the opportunity cost of continuing down this road? Think of how much you’ll be missing out on if you don’t go for it. I don’t recommend spending too much time in this darker place, but it can also be a powerful motivator. When I was in 35K of debt and sinking deeper and deeper, the main motivator for me was what was at stake if I didn’t fix it. I knew it would only get worse and worse and bankruptcy would be inevitable at some point. It motivated me enough to get a second job serving, ask for raises and get an additional apartment to rent out on Airbnb. And eventually, I did pay it off. In your weight journey, what are the stakes? Amplify them. Imagine spending not just 10 years, but maybe the rest of your life battling your weight struggle. Not a pretty picture. Invest in yourself now, and get this piece healed so you can move on to create and do all the amazing things you were meant to do in this lifetime.
Okay lets summarize what we’ve learned.
First, if you’re not feeling motivated you need to get curious. Is there something deeper going on here that I need to address - is this really the right path/timing/goal? Or, is this simply me not feeling like it and making excuses - my brain seeking pleasure over pain? If so, there are ways to cultivate external and internal motivation. Create support systems and structures that you can fall back on when you don’t feel like it. To build internal motivation, you’ll need to be finding positive role models, filling up your brain with inspiring examples and ratcheting up the desire formula. Either the ascribed meaning - your purpose, embodied excitement and or what’s at stake if you don’t reach your goal.
That’s all I have for you today. I hope you find this helpful. And if you need a pep talk, I did an earlier episode specifically for this. It’s episode 10. Have a great week and I’ll talk to you next time.