Ep. 03 Cravings
Our desire to end cravings is not trivial.
This isn’t about just being able to say no to dessert because you want to fit into your skinny jeans again. This is mindfulness training in its most acute form. Our relationship with food is a microcosm of our relationship with ourselves; our ability to really be there for ourselves through discomfort.
This work is not for the faint of heart - especially when it comes to food. We may be able to abstain from other compulsive urges completely by controlling our environment, but we have to eat every day.
We cannot escape thoughts around food and this is why this is such important, meaningful work.
Our urges for sweets can make us feel like we’re out of control - like we’re going crazy! They feel irresistible. And oftentimes, they are. We cannot resist them. We cannot stop an urge in its tracks. So now what?
We don’t stop it - we respond to it.
There are 3 ways to respond when we feel a craving for sugar: comply, react or allow.
The obvious way to stop an urge is to comply - simply eat what we’re craving. The second is to react. Reaction is mental anguish. I call this “food hell” because it can feel like torture! It can also include things like blaming your diet plan, PMS or the person who brought the treats in to the office. Damn you Brian!
Reaction is being at the mercy of what’s going on around you.
It can feel like you’re “white knuckling it.” Maybe we try to distract ourselves by going on instagram for awhile. Typically this mental anguish is exhausting and wears us out and eventually we give in to the urge anyway.
Okay, so what can we do?
The third response is that we allow them.
We don’t resist them.
We don’t fight them.
We simply allow them to be there. Not reaching for the food is not difficult. What’s difficult is the feelings you have when you don’t comply.
Your brain is not going to want to do this the first few times. Your brain will be throwing a fit because you are not reacting as usual. You are not complying with the urge. Expect this to be challenging for you to do in the beginning. It will not feel pleasant. It takes practice implementing the steps of allowing.
THE 4 STEPS OF ALLOWING A CRAVING
STEP 1) Bring in awareness and take on an observer role by dropping into Mindful Inquiry
You can’t change what’s outside of your awareness. Recognize the thought your brain is telling you for what it actually is: a neutral thought. Your brain is really just confused. It thinks an ice cream sandwich (or 10) is a good idea right now.
It’s a suggestion. It’s a sentence that has no inherent power over you.
You do not have to comply.
This is important to understand: When you take on this observer role, you stay in your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that can make wise, complex decisions. Not your primitive brain that wants immediate protection from discomfort (at all costs).
Ask these questions:
What do I think has gone wrong here?
What am I REALLY wanting?
This is how you separate yourself from the thought-error (and get your frontal cortex online).
Observe the thought error and gently separate from it.
This thought feels important – feels like it will serve you. It’s telling you that if you don’t do this, you will die.
Yeah, but no.
Sometimes it will feel totally impossible to bear the fire of a sugar craving.
When it’s this strong, you may only be able to be present for as little as 1 min. That’s okay - practice being present for 1 minute and increase your capacity to allow the urge gradually. Next time 2 mins, next time 3 mins.
Your brain will probably tell you this makes no difference. What’s one minute going to do!?
But know that one minute of mindful training is a million times better than zero minutes.
Our awareness and our ability to be there for ourselves in these times is like a muscle that builds over time by working at it - just like training for a marathon. You may only be able to run for 10 mins at first, but over time you’re body will be conditioned to run further and further.
If you’re at this stage, it can be helpful to transfer the energy behind this urge/compulsion - pivot this physical energy toward something else - a personal project, cleaning etc.
If you do nothing with this energy it will only get more and more intense.
It must be released.
Okay, moving on to step 2...
STEP 2) Get into your body
Let yourself feel the sugar craving and let it pass through you.
First, physically relax your face and body. We hold a lot of tension in the body and an urge only intensifies this. Be open to feel the discomfort. At first this will be difficult and depending on the intensity of the craving, it might feel unbearable. It can help to anchor the mind by counting down from 5 to 1.
You’ll know that you’re still resisting if you feel exhausted and or exhilarated.
STEP 3) Become the expert on your cravings
Your experience of an urge is unique. Explore it and get to know how it shows up for you.
Become an expert in feeling sugar cravings.
This way the next time it comes around, right away you’ll be like - oh this again, I know you. It will be familiar and you will be in control.
You won’t have to avoid it by giving into it.
Describe the feeling of the urge.
Where is it in your body? In your mouth, your chest, your stomach? Focus on where it is one place at a time.
What is the sensation? Does it feel heavy, thick, buzzing, sharp, sour? Doe it come in waves or is it static? What color is it?
What physical experiences are you having? Are you light-headed? Tired?
Notice any emotions that are there. Discontent, sadness, irritability? It’s important that you don’t do anything about what you’re feeling to change your state.
Keep in mind, this isn’t going to feel good at first. Your primitive brain that wants to soothe you will be setting off alarm bells of discomfort at this point.
But what happens over time when you don’t comply, is that those neural pathways get weaker and weaker. Sugar cravings become less intense. And eventually, they go away completely. This is because our brain learns this is not the way to get what it wants.
We are retraining our minds and bodies: feeling it and not acting on it.
Know that the urge and discomfort of not complying with the craving will be temporary and it will pass.
Helpful Tip: Drop into a Mindful Inquiry with journaling. This process is especially powerful when you write it out. Getting it down on paper in physical form forces your brain out of fogginess and confusion.
Watch how your brain will try to convince you to just have “a little bit,”
This is still complying.
It rewards the primitive brains temper tantrum, continuing to reinforce those neural pathways for sugar cravings. Your brain might start finding all sorts of justification to go off plan.
That said, in the beginning while we are just building this muscle of allowing the urge, during especially tough times (read: PMS) we may sometimes need training wheels and so I recommend finding initial substitutes that work for you. Granny apples are a favorite of mind.
Be kind and gentle with yourself. This is a process that takes time, dedication and so much self-compassion.
You’ve made it to step 4, so you must really be serious about ending your sugar cravings!
STEP 4) Manage your thoughts about the urges
Are you feeling shitty about the fact that you’re having the craving at all?
You might feel a lot of self-pity and resentment. Other people don’t have to deal with this! Or maybe it’s entitlement: just this once I’ll comply and it will be the last time.
Your brain will create drama. Respond with “thanks for sharing,” making it not a big deal. So what, you’re having a craving. You got this.
It takes resolve, determination and courage but it’s the key to freedom around food.
Getting good at doing these steps will change your life!
P.S. You’re probably wondering, “Does this mean I can never have sugar again?!” You can.
Enjoying the pleasure of eating our favorite foods is part of a healthy relationship with food and balanced life. So how do we do this without destroying all the work we’ve done on our brains and completely binging out?
We plan ahead of time with our prefrontal cortex. We plan no less than 24 hours in advance to enjoy something sweet. This way we aren’t complying with the urges.