If you are currently on a weight loss journey there are four phases of permanent weight-loss that you should know about. Whether you can identify it or not, you’re in one of  them right now. And they all vary in length and intensity.

For most of us, the first 3 phases will be very familiar and become what I call The Vicious Cycle if we don’t move into phase four: Adaptation.

In this episode I’m going to go over each phase and talk about how we can get out of the vicious cycle of the dieting mindset and move into a lifestyle mindset. 

So let’s start with phase one: Resolve. 

Phase 1 Resolve

What does this look like? Of course, it starts by feeling unsatisfied with your body and wanting to lose weight. At this point you kick off phase one: Resolve: you have a strong desire to lose weight and you feel hopeful that you can. You may not know exactly how yet - but you’re optimistic.  You believe it’s possible to have the body you want if you just try hard enough and stick with it this time. You start out strong with a plan for what you will and won’t eat, a workout plan and a positive attitude. You are in phase one: Resolve.

If you’re in the phase you’ll have thoughts like:

• I got this

• This time I’m really going to do it

• I’ll do whatever it takes

• Imagining all the things you’ll do when you lose the weight  (the clothes you’ll buy, an upcoming trip) It feels good to indulge in the thin-you fantasies

You’re feeling:

• Positive

• Hopeful

• Determined

• Committed

• Excited for the future you

• Lots of desire for your new body and new life

Your actions are:

• Eating on plan

• Making it to all your workouts (gym, spinning, yoga)

• Drinking lots of water

• And when you looking at fitspo on social, you feel encouraged and motivated

The Resolve phase can last awhile or not long at all. It can last for up to  a few months, weeks, days or literally a few hours. Inevitably, and this is important, you WILL move into phase two: Wavering.

Now keep in mind, this doesn’t have to be a big deal and that’s what self-coaching is for. But for so many of us, it feels like a HUGE deal. This is when the excitement of your new program is wearing off and you really start to question what you’re doing.

Phase 2 Wavering

 Thoughts:

• This is hard

• This diet is too restrictive for me

• It’s unfair that I have to eat this way and other women are naturally thin

• I’m missing out

• I’m hungry!

• I’m sore

• Do I really need to work out today? Maybe I should rest my sore muscles today

• I’m working so hard and I don’t think this program is even working 

• This is taking too long

• I just need to have a snack to get me through

• If I eat a little extra today I can make up for it tomorrow

Feeling:

• Self-pity

• Exhaustion

• Confusion

• Resentment

• Frustration

• Apathy

• Boredom

Actions:

• Skipping workouts

• Eating and drinking off plan

• Not weighing yourself everyday

• Missing meals in your food journal

• Considering or researching alternative food plans

This is the hardest of all the phases. It can feel miserable at times. Remember, if you have been eating for reasons other than hunger. I’m talking about entertainment, emotional eating and out of habit, then your primitive brain is not getting the same rewards (dopamine hits) it once was. 

This will not feel good. And nothing is going wrong. If you are not buffering your emotions and discomfort with food, it means you are now feeling them. Depending on what those are, it can be painful. This is why it takes practice to identify your feelings and develop the capacity to experience them, let them provide you with insight and let them pass. 

At this point we can do the inner work, and double down on our plan or we can forgo the inner work and get swept up in our old program.

If we don’t do this inner work, we move into phase three: Screw-It  

Phase 3 Screw-it

For many people, the Screw-It phase happens on the weekends, holidays, vacations or in especially stressful times. In this phase we’re going completely off plan.

It can even feel really positive in the moment - the joys of hedonism! But usually there’s a lingering guilt in the back of your mind. And this gets more intense the further you go off plan. Which makes you feel worse, which makes you want to soothe yourself with food even more. It typically involves a lot of mixed up thoughts and feelings.

Thoughts:

• I deserve some pleasure in my life

• I can always get back on plan tomorrow, on Monday, after vacation etc.

• I can’t do this so why bother

• I don’t want to give up all the foods

• Maybe it’s not worth it

Feeling:

• the “release” of your constraining plan

• the immediate pleasure of the food

• positivity about starting again tomorrow

• guilt about going off plan

•  feeling out of control

• confusion

Actions:

• overeating

• binge eating

• going off plan

• avoiding the scale

This phase inevitably leads to enough pain to trigger  Resolve and you find yourself right back in phase one (on Monday). 

However, if we are able to be present, feel our feelings, ride out the discomfort and avoid phase 3, we go right to phase four: Adaptation.

Phase 4 Adaptation

Now you’re in the sweet spot. Adaptation is where you can live for long stretches of time and is key to long-term weight loss. In this phase, we rely on our healthy habits (not solely on our desire like in phase one) to keep us going. This phase is not all rainbows and unicorns, but it is sustainable.

In this phase you’re not resisting anything. You’re incorporating natural pleasures, you’re doing the mindful inquiry and practicing the allowing process and you’re not caught up in drama. 

If you aren’t familiar with what any of that is, go back to my previous episodes where I explain all about natural pleasures vs concentrated, what mindful inquiry is and how to do the Allowing practice. 

In Adaptation, you’re on your plan at least 90% of the time and it’s not a big deal. You’re focused on other positive things in your life - your partner, your career, a side project.

Your self-awareness is focused like a laser beam - this second you notice your old, sabotaging thoughts coming in, you catch them - you say, thanks for sharing and you move on. 

Thoughts you’re thinking:

• I’m doing my best

• I’m on track

• I’ll get there eventually and I can be patient

• I’m noticing progress 

• I can handle tough emotions

Feelings:

• Committed

• All the emotions that come up purposely without buffering the neg ones or going into drama

• Self compassion when you overeat or go off plan

Actions:

• Staying on plan or if you do go off plan, you get curious and have self compassion, and recommit.

• Incorporating natural pleasures

• Doing the Allowing exercise when urges arise

So once you reach Adaptation, you’re completely out of the woods right? Not exactly. Most people go through the full cycle 1-4 numerous times, but if you stick with it eventually the Adaptation periods become longer and longer and the Wavering and Fuck-It periods become shorter. We’re watching the trend lines to see progress over time. 

I think this is important to talk about actually. Because when we are in Wavering or Screw It, they’re usually accompanied by also thinking, “Here we go again, I haven’t made any progress.” Clients think they’re moving backwards but that’s not the case at all. 

You can never go backwards in this work. I like to think of it as if you’re moving up a spiral. You may come back around to the same spot on the spiral, but you’re always further ahead. And I invite you to adopt this as your mindset. Cultivate a learning mindset around your mistakes. Know that you are either winning or learning. Why not, you can always go back to your old ways if you want right?

So often we fall into the self-blame trap. We blame ourselves for overeating or not sticking to our plan or not working out. I read this meme yesterday that was: “I missed the gym today, that’s 3 years in a row.” 

We hold on to our old story and stay stuck in the past when we blame ourselves. The key to getting out of the Wavering phase and into Adaptation is to sloooow down. Get curious. At first that might be it. If this is all new to you and you’re just starting this type of work, you’ll simply notice you’re in Wavering. That’s great. Because we cannot change what’s outside of our awareness. So if you step out of auto-pilot and notice what you’re brain is thinking, that’s a big step.

Then you can move onto the next phase which is asking yourself some powerful questions. These are opened questions that help to really take a look at what our programming is serving up. 

A key question I learned early on when working with my coach was one she would often ask me, which was, How can you best take care of yourself right now. What do you need? 

And so I’l ask you now. In this moment, how can you best take care of yourself?

Why is there so much power in this question? Because it forces your brain to look inside and offer alternatives. 

So when (not if) you’re having negative thoughts and feeling funky, ask yourself, How can I best take of myself in this moment? What do I need? 

I guarantee if you are quiet and honest, your authentic self will not say a muffin from wholefoods. Which let’s be honest. That’s cake. 

There is a need that is much deeper. The more we stay conscious and don’t buffer with food, the clearer that answer becomes.

I want to share with you part of my winning formula when I start feeling wobbly. I’ve asked that question enough times to know that for me, the answer is often really straight forward. 

I either need to hydrate, take a shower or rest. So I will literally ask myself, could I have a glass of water right now, do I need to have a shower and feel clean and refreshed or do I simply need rest. Do I need more sleep? 

If instead, we continue to blame ourselves for our missteps or even blame ourselves for not feeling motivated, we are trapped in the past and destined to repeat the vicious cycle. 

Own your decisions, practice self-compassion and you’ll be able to move forward into adaptation. When you get into the habit of asking yourself this question, you will start making choices that align with who you are becoming, not who were. We are choice-making beings. No one can take that away from you - not even your habitual, primitive mind. We just need a little reminder of this every now and then. 

So quick recap. The 4 phases are 1 Resolve, your’re pumped. 2 Wavering, getting a bit shaky on your plan, 3 Screw it and 4 Adaptation. And what’s important about distinguishing these 4 phases? How will this help us?

Our brains are always searching for patterns and we love categorization. So when we can identify which phase we’re in, we can reassure ourselves, knowing Oh, okay, I’m here,  I recognize this and I know it won’t last forever (even though at the time it feels like it will). 

You get to know yourself and you get familiar with the thinking patterns in each phase so that when your brain starts serving them up, you don’t go into that old vicious diet/binge cycle of phase 1 through 3. Instead you acknowledge which phase you’re in, know that it won’t last, and start thinking the thoughts that will propel you into Adaptation for sustainable weight loss and peace of mind.