Hi, and welcome to the Mindful Shade Podcast. I'm Paula Parker. I am a life and weight loss coach. So I thought I would do a little bonus episode here because it's just a nice time of year to do some reflection. And I've been hearing from, from some of you who are in kind of a mixed place when you reflect on the last year.

So I know that maybe you're listening to this and you're thinking, wow, like I am amazed with what I did. Like, it's incredible. And so now is a time to really take inventory of how did you make that happen? And how can you use what you've learned to Go into maintenance or continue releasing weight if that's what you want to do.

And then there are going to be some of you who look back on the last year and think, wow, this is not where I had planned on being. And that requires, you know, some courage to admit that. There's some honesty that's required, but I often feel that there's a tenderness that's missing in that. So we tend to tell ourselves, you know, I failed, I didn't reach my goal.

I didn't do it. And then we feel really disappointed. And when we feel that way, we don't see all of the good work that we did, all the effort that we put in the ways that we did make progress or ways that we did change. And. When that happens, we really don't accept ourselves and our bodies for where we are at in the moment.

Instead, it's like we stay in conflict and we reject our bodies because they're not what we had planned on, you know, and In a sense, we're rejecting ourselves. Oftentimes, I think what happens is we can feel really discouraged and feel almost angry and blame our past self for eating all of that food, for not sticking with it, for not being strong enough.

Sometimes that's what we tell ourselves. We didn't have enough willpower. We didn't have enough self discipline or strength to do it. And then we feel We the grief of that, and we feel the sadness of that in the present moment. But those thoughts and feelings are hurting you now. If you're feeling like that, then you're hurting yourself now.

Because when we have negative thoughts about our past selves, it's, it's just the same as having negative thoughts about your current self. And if we don't clear all of this up, if we don't clean up our thinking around this, we almost are doomed to recreate it. We will carry it with us into the next goal, into the next strategy to release weight.

So I thought it'd be helpful just to give you a little reflection exercise, whether you are in the camp of, I really didn't get as far as I would have liked, or, you know, I hit it out of the park this year. Like I am a new person. Okay. So. Either way, these are a few, I pulled a few of the reflection type questions that I use with my clients so that you can write them down.

You can do this little exercise for yourself. And I'm going to share with you my answers to these, because I, as you know, am also on this journey. you know, working on releasing my pregnancy weight for my daughter. She's now 16 months. So it's, it's been a minute, but we've been on this journey. So I'm going to go through, I'm going to give you six questions that you can use in your journal.

And then I encourage you to spend some time with it and just reflect over the next month before going into the new year. So that will be helpful. Okay. So the first question is, what are the results that you created? Okay. So this is very neutral is what did you create? And if I reflect on the past year, you know, my result was really reaching below my pre pregnancy weight.

Okay. So that was my result. I would also count some of my results in terms of strength and flexibility in the workouts that I've been doing in the last, since spring. So since may, I've really gained so much strength, so much flexibility because I've been really consistent with this bar definition program that I'm in, which I know I've mentioned, but I would again, online program, highly recommend very affordable.

And so those are my results. When you do this for yourself, you just look at, okay, how many pounds did I release or what number did I hit? And is there anything else that I would want to include when it comes to food and body? Now, I'm short on time today. Otherwise we could go into a little bit longer.

I'm like, what are the results I created in terms of some of the skills that I've learned when it comes to weight loss? So like, what is my relationship with hunger now? What does snacking look like for me now? What is am I able to pay attention and know when I've had enough food? What's my ability to be able to say no when I know that physically I've had enough?

What are the results that you've created are going to be really tangible, but you can also I think include some intangible results that you know you've made progress on. And number two is how do your results make sense? So, if we look at the effort that you put in, meaning what are the actions that I took, or what are the actions that I did not take, or what is some of the thinking that I have, and you know me, that's what I'm going to care about the most, is how did the thinking I had create that result for me, right, because it's the thinking that I had that made me feel a certain level of, if nothing else, willingness to try something new.

So, if I look at, you know, How do my results make sense? How was I able to reach below my pre pregnancy weight? Well, a huge thing was I was willing to try something new. So what I had been doing kind of stopped working I wasn't overeating, but I wasn't releasing the weight either And so I had to source my brain with more information.

I had to become a And even like an expert, like, how do you, how do you do this? Like, what else do I need to be doing? And so I had to have the thought that it's possible to figure this out. Like there is something out there that I can learn so that I can reach my goals or I can release the weight, right?

So I had to have that thought that there's some, there's an answer, there's a solution here. Then I had to think, okay, well, It's possible. I decided that I would not only get the information, but then decide, okay, I'm going to be somebody who will follow through on this. So I got that book, Fast Like a Girl by Mindy Pelz, Dr.

Mindy Pelz. And That was really a game changer for me because I realized, oh wow, I've been like eating so healthy and I've been doing all these great things, but my body's just in homeostasis. Nothing's going to change until I change things up. And then I started incorporating more variability, more flexibility with my eating.

I actually was less rigid than I had been before, and I really started to see the results. I also was able to increase my, you know, physical training, which I think helps, it helps me put on muscle, helps me in terms of my mental load. Right? So all of that. So how does it make sense is how I was thinking, what I was doing.

I read that book, I devoured it. I made some changes. I decided I was going to be the person who would actually implement what I was learning. And then the next question, number three is what are you proud of? What is working or what is going well? So I would say to be really specific, one of the things that's really working for me is that variability.

Don't do the same thing every day. I'm much more because I'm still menstruating. I'm much more in alignment with my cycle. Now, a big game changer for me was to, on about, I would say half of the days of the month, I just, I've taken out cream from my coffee and I just do black coffee about half of the days of the month.

That is really kick started a fat burning process. So from the minute I stop eating to my next meal, whenever that is, and sometimes it's like, you know, 9 a. m. could be 11 a. m. could be one. It really changes depending on the day of the month, depending on Me and what's going on, depending on if I'm sick, which I am a little bit right now again.

So this happens, right? But we need to be adaptable. We need to be flexible. All right. So I'm really proud that even though, you know, giving up cream, it doesn't sound that hard for me. It was a huge thing. I really was holding onto that tight, did not want to drink black coffee. But how, how did I do it?

I'm proud that I did it because I was able to say, you know what? I know this is going to be discomfort and I'm willing to try it to see what it will do and I don't have to stick with it if it doesn't work. So I was willing to give myself the chance. I was willing to go through that discomfort. All right number four is what have you learned about yourself that you didn't know before or what are you reminded of that you maybe forgot?

One of the things that is really maybe sunken in with me is just how much my self concept when it comes to food and weight, how that has transformed and how much of an impact that makes in terms of My ability to show up in this area, my ability to befriend hunger. There was a definitely a point in time when the idea of experiencing hunger sounded scary to me, let alone befriending it.

I couldn't even imagine befriending it. It was like, I don't even want to allow hunger at all. Physical hunger. Because I have been willing to like put in the effort, you know, now I'm reminded that it's how I'm thinking about myself as somebody who is one willing to learn and number two willing to feel some temporary discomfort to try things out to be experimental and that my self concept now because of that is I have so much evidence that I can do these things.

So it's not a problem if I run into roadblocks or it's not a problem if I have cravings or anything. Cause. I, my self concept is just, I'm somebody who's can handle that, right? So how you are thinking about yourself is so important. So going back to the beginning of this episode was really about, you know, are you beating yourself up?

Are you telling yourself that you're a failure in this area? It's not going to serve you to do that. It's going to serve you to take a look and be like, okay, this was my goal. What, how does it, what are my results and how does it make sense? And I can be at peace with that. I can. Also see why that makes sense and be kind to myself and be tender with myself knowing that I'm continuing to learn.

I'm going to continue to learn and get better. And number five is how did you change in ways that you're proud of? You know, I think I'd have to honestly, to be honest, give this a little bit more thought to, to answer it honestly. But I would say that self concept piece is coming to mind. So, thinking about yourself in a really positive way, for some of us, is like, not natural.

It's not, it's not super easy. We actually have to put in a lot of effort to do that. And then there are times when we feel really, really good about ourselves in some areas, but then other areas not. And I've started to really feel proud about my body, even though, you know, do I look like Giselle? No, right.

But that's okay. I'm super proud of it anyways. Right. I can show up, I can go to a swimming lesson with my son and yeah, I got cellulite and yeah, I got like C section scar and stuff going on, but like, I'm okay with it. Right. I'm okay with it. And I've decided to make peace with it. So that, that body positivity part in conjunction with my goals around weight loss and, and not having that be a contradiction, that that can be kind of like an interesting paradox while I'm still trying to release the weight and feel great about my body already.

That is a really interesting wave to ride and I'm really proud of doing that. Okay. Lastly, how will you celebrate your efforts? So. I don't care if you have gained weight over the last year or you have reached your natural weight and you are feeling amazing. We need to celebrate our efforts. We need to acknowledge that we are putting in effort and that we are focused on this.

Even if you've just been, you know, consuming content and starting to shift your perspective and starting to shift your mind and you haven't been ready to take action yet. That's okay. You still want to celebrate. You know what? I'm committed to this. I'm showing up. I'm listening to this. It could be just as interesting or just as easy to listen to true crime, but you're not.

You're doing something that's going to work on yourself. It's going to work on your brain. Okay, so for me how I'm gonna celebrate my effort is that there is a this is gonna be a bit nerdy Maybe but there is a neuroscience of change coaching course I wanted to do last year, but I had already, you know filled my bucket with a bunch of trainings and so I've been on the fence, they've offered it again this year, and I was a little bit on the fence about it.

But you know what? I decided I am going to go for it. I know that I don't need it. I feel finally so confident in my coaching. So it's not a lack of it. It's a really of, it's something that. It's just going to feel like a reward. It's going to feel like an indulgence. It's going to feel like, you know what?

I have worked really hard on myself and I want to in honor of my desire for growth to learn even more. And I mean, my whole jam is like, how does, how does the brain work? So if I can learn even more, not only for myself, but also of course for you, for my clients about the real neuroscience of change, that's going to be so fun.

So it's super fun for me. It's going to be beneficial for me. And of course. In my business as well. Okay. So those are the six questions. I'll review them really quick so that you have them. What are the results you created? How do those results make sense? What are you proud of? Or what is working and going well?

What have you learned about yourself that you didn't know before or that maybe you forgot? And how did you change in a way that you're proud of? And lastly, how will you celebrate your efforts? So just to close out here, I wanna reiterate that there needs to be a way of letting go. There needs to be a way of coming to terms with the grief of not maybe achieving what you wanted at this point in your life, at this point in the year, and just let that be okay.

Let it be a learning experience, right? It wasn't a failure. It was just unmet expectations. And I know that's a bit of a cliche, but I really feel like if you can let that sink in, it's expansive. It frees you up. Your shoulders drop. If you can really see that you've grown just by making the effort at all, and if you've tried releasing weight and it hasn't worked up until this point, or you've had some success and then you gained it back, don't tell yourself that you're starting again or that you're starting from scratch.

Really acknowledge that it's all leading up to this, that you're right on track, that you're just at the edge of really unlocking exactly what you need to really make the changes. Okay. You're going to get the right book, you're going to get the right course, you're going to get the right message, you're going to listen to the right episode, you're going to sign up for the right program, and that's going to be the key to unlocking it.

Why? Because you're ready. You're ready. Okay. And if you still want it, if you still want this goal, if you still want to reach your natural weight, if you want to be able to move with ease and like wear the clothes that you want to wear and be able to have lots of energy for your kids or your grandkids, then that means something and it's not trivial.

We know that change is inevitable. Either way, change is going to be inevitable, and there's, you know, discomfort either way. So it's kind of like, there would be discomfort of not having cream in my coffee, or the discomfort of not releasing the weight. So which do you choose? It's always a choice. You're always empowered to make that choice.

Things are going to be, to a certain degree, uncomfortable either way, but you really get to choose which one you want. Which one you want is going to be based on that vision that you have for yourself. If you are beating yourself up because you didn't achieve your goal, it's going to be really hard to access that vision.

So you want to be so compassionate with yourself, First, understand the reasons why you didn't release the weight, like understand that so that you can give your cut yourself some slack. What really happened here? Understand that and then give yourself some compassion. Of course, you're working at this.

You're learning more. You're not quite there yet, but you're learning. Give yourself compassion. Cut yourself some slack. You got a lot going on. You're doing lots of things. And then, when you feel at peace and you feel at calm in your body, That is when you want to start thinking about next year, when you start creating that vision that you have for yourself.

Even if you're not able to access that natural weight at this point, that vision feels too far off. You can imagine yourself in really specific situations in which you're not overeating, in which you get home from the end of the day and you're super tired and you don't turn to food. What are you doing instead?

That's what you want to be thinking about. Cause who is that person? What I really noticed with clients is that they will use that exercise in real time. They will, when their brain is in battle on, Oh, I really want to eat that, but I know I don't want to eat it, but I kind of do want to eat it, but I really shouldn't.

When your brain is in that battle. What can really help you is saying, is this going to move me closer to the vision that I have for myself? Or is it going to move me a little bit further away? Won't work every time, but that is a tool that you can use. And if you have a strong, compelling vision for yourself, then that's going to go a long way, right?

It's really going to help you because it will feel in your body compelling to you. And then you'll be able to ride out that discomfort because it'll be worth it to you. Alright, this episode was a little bit off the cuff but I just felt inspired and I just felt like I really wanted to get this message out here.

Thank you so much for everyone who is messaging me, asking me questions. I really appreciate it. Whether you email me or you're messaging me on Instagram, it really helps inspire ideas for this podcast. And It just goes a long way in terms of helping me show up the way that I want to show up. So I just want to say thank you for that.

If you have any questions about this, please let me know and I will be in touch again soon. Okay. Bye.