Okay let’s talk about this.

This is something that I have been literally working on my whole life. And I’m really glad to see so much more body acceptance and body positivity. I mean now more than ever we’re seeing more diversity in pop culture and a general attitude of acceptance of different body types. In some ways you’ve probably noticed the same thing - and maybe you’ve also noticed a backlash toward diet culture with things like HAES (healthy at every size) and All In, in which women are going from extreme restriction to eating anything and everything in an attempt to re-calibrate their hunger and satiation cues and reach their natural body weight.

I for one am so glad for this shift and I think that it definitely has a more positive effect on women and girls than say, what I grew up trying to emulate, which was the Heroine chic, Kate Moss look which for some of us is not our natural weight and will never be and aiming for that only leads to serious physical and psychological damage. 

But what I’ve also noticed in these anti-dieting communities can be just another form of black and white, us vs. them mentality. Once again, telling women how they should relate to their bodies. 

So in this episode I’m going to explore the current landscape of diet culture and body image and offer my perspective in hopes that it may help you navigate this for yourself. 

I won’t spend much time on diet culture, because I know you are all really familiar with it. But just so we’re on the same page, what I’m referring to here is basically the ideal of the thin or ultra lean body at any cost - with no regard to health. The idea that if you’re thin, you’re healthy which of course we know that you can’t tell how healthy someone is by their body size alone. 

Okay, so now let’s look at Body positivity.

There actually isn’t an agreed upon definition on what Body positivity is. Body positivity is a social movement rooted in the belief that all human beings should have a positive body image, while challenging the ways in which society presents and views the physical body. 

It actually is the convergence of 2 movements: The fat acceptance movement from the 1960’s pioneered by black and queer women to fight discrimination in public spaces, work spaces and doctor’s offices. Fat positivity which is more a reaction to fat shaming and body positivity which is more of a commercial self esteem movement, came later on.

So it’s a bit convoluted, because there are those who say being body positive and accepting your body is not possible if you’re trying to lose weight. That body positivity and body acceptance are juxtaposed to weight loss.

And I totally get that too - like I’m even uncomfortable using the term weight loss in all of my marketing because I’m such a firm believer that no one HAS to lose any weight. And I definitely don’t want to be part of the machine that endorses the concept that you must be lean to be accepted and loved by others and by yourself.

And I also acknowledge that I’ve been influenced by the sociological effects the beauty industry has had on me. I think I would have to be pretty naive if I thought I was immune to it. 

And at the same time, I want to have a slimmer body. 

And I choose to believe that's an empowering choice because I’m making the decision. And it’s ambiguous because it’s like, well am I really? Or am I still being manipulated by societal norms. 

Yes, I see the paradox. 

But here’s the thing. It doesn’t really matter the reason for your goal. We are all striving for something because we think we will be happier for it. That’s true for weight loss, that’s true for money, that’s true for meeting your future husband. We think that when we get there, our lives will be better. We will feel happier. Why we think those things will make us happier is complex. It is both societal and subjective. 

And if we’ve done the work on ourselves, we understand cognitively that we are totally enough, just as we are. 

And our work on a daily basis is not buying into the huge lie that we are inadequate. That we are fundamentally broken but if we buy this or that or attain this or that, we will be fixed (temporarily). 

Of course it’s one thing to know this conceptually but the work is practicing this. 

How do we do that?

Compassion. It all leads back to compassion to ourselves and others. 

And that, as I see it, is what is missing from the fat-shaming in diet culture and the weight-loss shaming that got mixed up in body-positivity. 

So what happens if we live from compassion and apply these two paradigms?

Here’s what I mean. 

We take the best from both sides and screw the rest. 

From diet culture, we take the science on fat loss. We take what we know about how our bodies use food as fuel. We know that when we eat whole foods in appropriate quantities and we don’t overeat, we won’t gain weight. We know that when we move our bodies we gain muscle which speeds up our metabolism as well as cardiovascular health and flexibility.  

We know that if we drink more water and don’t drink our calories, but instead eat more fibrous food, we’ll be less hungry and won’t need to eat as much. 

We also know that if we’ve been used to overeating at meals or grazing all day, we WILL feel hungry when we eat smaller amounts and cut out snacking. This is not unnatural, this is just our body re-calibrating. Our ghrelin (the hunger hormone) and leptin (the satiation hormone) cues getting into alignment with our natural weight.

This is when compassion becomes a practical application. Can we be compassionate with our hunger? Knowing that our bodies are re-calibrating during the weight loss process? Can we be compassionate with the self (the authentic self) who is suffering in an overweight body? 

The self who wants to know what it feels like to live life at her natural weight? Where is the compassion for her? It’s not in stuffing more food in when our body is in discomfort. That is not the compassionate choice. The compassionate choice is honoring the process, discomfort and all. 

And what can we take from body positivity? 

We stop fat shaming ourselves. We love our bodies for what they can do, not for what they look like. You don’t have to ever love your cellulite, but please don’t hate yourself for it either. Because you are so much more than your body and your cellulite. 

If you’re like me, body acceptance feels like a reach some days, let alone body positivity or loving your body. So if that’s you too, I get it and I’m also learning and trying to get better at this. But here’s how I’m working on it. 

I’m thinking of it as a relationship. And like any other long term relationship you’re going to have your ups and downs but you need to invest in it and you need to be kind to each other. 

You need to look for the good.

I’m focusing on what my body can do. Like how flexible, agile and strong it is. How my legs are not long and lean, but they take me everywhere I need to go without a problem. And that curves are sexy, and bones are sexy too. That our bodies are these strange and wonderful creations with paradoxes. 

But I don’t think you have to love your body shape to love yourself. 

Years ago when I was going through a particular rocky patch in the relationship, I would have to see my reflection every day in the floor to ceiling mirrors of the elevator at work. 

And I wouldn’t like what I saw and I would just say in my head, “I love myself anyway.” And that felt empowering and that got me through it. And it put me in a better mental headspace to take inspired action with my eating and fitness.

So I hope this gives you a new way to square the body positivity movement with your weight loss efforts. You get to have both because you get to decide what to take from each, practice compassion and create what your weight loss is about for you. You decide the meaning. 

Maybe for some the wellness journey looks like accepting and loving their body at their current weight whether that’s size 6 or size 16. And for some of us the wellness journey includes weight loss and is about learning and growing while we move toward the size we think is right for us.