This is the fallacy that there are only two possibilities, when in fact there are multiple alternatives. It doesn’t account for context, conditions and variables. 

This is the most common mind trap we fall into when it comes to weight loss. Either we’re all in or all out and there’s very little room for in between. Either we’re eating exactly on plan and working out or we go off our plan even a little, feel guilty and then eventually quit completely. 

Have you noticed this thought and behavioral pattern in yourself? What’s going on here and how do we stop it? In this episode I’m going to tell you how to get out of the black and white thinking that inevitably derails your long term weight loss and just makes you pretty miserable along the way.  

Black & White thinking is comprised of 3 thought errors:

1. Perfectionism

2. Catastrophizing

3. Past-focused or future focused

Let’s talk about Perfectionism. 

It’s often held as a standard of excellence right? You want to be perfect on your plan? That would be ideal. But is it really? I’d like to offer that perfection and excellence are different things and what we’re really striving for here is excellence, not perfection.

Why? 

Because we can never control everything. And perfection demands 100% control. Excellence doesn’t. Excellence requires ingenuity and adaptability. We need to be adaptable for sustainable weight loss.

Am I losing you in theory? Okay let’s use a real life example.

It’s like when a client tells me that they can’t stay on their food plan when they go out for drinks with colleagues after work because the restaurant doesn’t have any healthy options, so she says she’s just going to stop going. 

Now how would you respond? Should she stop going? Seems logical right, if her goal is to stick to her plan and this is derailing her plan, she should avoid it right? This is how black and white thinking creeps in. You’re either 100% in or 100% out. This is diet mentality and why it sucks.  What we’re cultivating here is lifestyle mentality. Excellence not perfection.

So that’s why I would actually argue the opposite. Will going out with colleagues for a drink after work pose challenges to her plan? Sure. But so will life. You can’t avoid your life. So ask some questions instead. How can she have both? Is there an option of staying on her plan AND going out after work? Maybe she goes but doesn’t drink. Maybe she goes and eats something that’s not on her plan, but that’s small enough it won’t make a difference. 

And will that be easy? Maybe not. Maybe her brain will be serving up some self-pity and discomfort about not drinking or not eating like everyone else. That’s okay. She can do hard things right? She can coach herself through it. 

What I’m saying is that the grey area is where life happens. So to avoid falling back into that old black and white sand trap, we need to develop a problem solving mindset instead of a victim mindset. Victim mindset is if it’s not perfect, then why even try.

Here’s another scenario. Your alarm goes off.  Instead of getting up and going for your run, you hit snooze. When you finally get up, you have just enough time to douse your hair with dry shampoo and head off to work. How do you feel?

If you answered, like crap. Why? What if you actually felt fine about it?  It’s all going to depend on what you make up about hitting snooze and missing your run. If you think it makes you a loser who never does what they say they’re going to do and will never lose weight, you will definitely feel like crap. 

But maybe you think, you know I really needed that sleep. And you recommit to it and go running that night or go to bed earlier and run the next day. 

Which day do you think you’re more likely to eat on your plan?

Now, if you’re wondering, okay why am I so tough on myself and you’re beating yourself up about that right now. Listen up.

We have a natural tendency to have negative thoughts because our survival brain works really, really well. It’s always on the lookout for threats and danger. For what could go wrong. It’s trying to protect us. The problem is, it can’t differentiate between a saber tooth and a work presentation to the board of directors. It thinks both are equally threatening. 

So it’s up to us to work with our own mind and reassure our survival brain that nothing is going wrong here. 

If you are missing your morning runs consistently. Reassess. Is it time to make some changes to your schedule or change up the running entirely? Remember a problem solving mindset is going to take you so much farther than beating yourself up about not doing it.

The second thought error of black and white thinking is: Catastrophizing.

Our brains have a tendency to make things worse than they are which can send us spiraling.

Okay, here’s the scenario. You go to the movies on a Friday night and your husband buys a huge bag of buttered popcorn. You aren’t going to have any because that’s definitely not on your plan. But then you’re sitting there as he’s munching away in your ear. You can smell the intoxicating aroma and your mouth is watering and you think, well maybe I’ll have a little. And at first you’re taking a few just to try, then handfuls and before you know it, your elbow deep and he’s wondering where his popcorn went. 

Now the movie starts and you spend the whole time ruminating on going off your plan. Then the next day, you see that scale has gone up 4lbs (most likely from all the salt) and you feel gross and bloated. This is a total catastrophe. So at brunch you think, well I should get the avocado toast but I really want the cream cheese eggs benny. And what the hell, I already went off my plan. And this is how the weekend goes - all with the intention of getting back on plan on Monday. 

So, what’s the circumstance here? Remember the circumstance is the only the facts that we, as observers can all agree to. There are no opinions here. The circumstances are neutral. Not good or bad. In this case, the circumstance is that you ate popcorn. That’s it. You ate popcorn. Everything that happens after is in your control.

Now what are the thoughts you had about eating the popcorn? That’s the key here. You get to decide what it means. You get to decide what to think about it. And it’s important it’s not automatic because it will lead you to feel and act based on that thought.

So in this scenario, you likely had a lot of self-defeating thoughts about eating the popcorn and going off plan. You made it mean a whole load of negative things about you and about life. It was a catastrophe. Maybe they look like, “I have no self-control” “I always go off plan” “I’ll never be able to stick to my plan” “My weight loss goal is impossible” or maybe they’re less defining and they come in the form of, “It won’t matter what I eat now, because I’ve already gone off my plan.”  

All of these thoughts created a host of guilty, despairing feelings that led to a lower energy that then fueled your overeating actions over the weekend. 

And do you see how the entire weekend was then determined by the past?

This leads me to the next thought error: Being entirely Past-Focus/Future focused

Black and white thinking is predicated on thoughts of the past - what you eat, how you screwed up yet again. Or on the future, how one day - maybe tomorrow, or maybe on Monday, you’ll get back on plan. But definitely not now, so you better enjoy the freedom now before restriction rears its ugly head again soon. 

Or I had a client who was much more focused on the future. To avoid discomfort about overeating, she kept telling herself that she would start the next day and that even if she gained weight, that would be okay because she would lose it in the future. And it wouldn’t be hard to lose it. 

This became a habitual pattern of thinking and the overeating only continued. That “future” in which it would be easy to lose weight never came. 

It’s hard to be in the present sometimes. I am not here to sugar coat anything. But I am here to acknowledge for you that it’s worth it. As much as it’s so tempting to focus on your screw up and then allowing yourself to ride that wave or push off the work for your future self to deal with - neither will get you any closer to your goal. Trust me. 

So the only way is to see what’s happening and be with yourself. It doesn’t matter what happened yesterday, this morning to ten minutes ago. And don’t set yourself up for more weight to lose down the road. Remind yourself that it actually won’t be any easier than it is right now. And that’s okay. Sometimes it’s hard but it gets easier.

So here’s the solution to black and white thinking. 

Notice where you are: perfectionism, catastrophizing, future/past thinking? Take a deep breath. 

Can you allow what’s happening in this moment? Does it feel overwhelming? Nothing is going wrong. This is just your survival brain alarming you - but they’re false alarms. You will not die. Be here in THIS moment. 

When you get good at this. When you can make friends with the present moment and cultivate a feeling of acceptance of whatever’s coming for you, you are in the driver’s seat again. 

Identify the circumstance, remind yourself it’s neutral and you get to apply meaning to it. Think of how relative this is. What one person’s slip up is, is another person’s idea of a perfect day. Totally subjective. 

Okay, what thoughts do you want to think on purpose? Let’s go back to the popcorn example. What are thoughts that would serve your winning formula, a lifestyle mindset?

Think of it as merely a setback. 

Examples are: 

• I went off plan, and that’s okay, I’m determined to stay on plan today. 

• I’m disappointed in myself because I didn’t do what I said I would, that’s ok, I’m recommitting to myself now.

• This is a process, how can I learn from this?

• What do I want to do differently next time?

Get used to talking to yourself in this way. This is how we begin to live our lives from a place of direction vs. default. 

Imagine how you might feel if you had these types of thoughts? 

You might feel determined, compassionate, committed. 

And imagine what actions you would then take? You might ensure you ate on plan that day, got your movement in.

What’s the result? You don’t let one slip up bring you crashing down and undo all the hard work you did previously. You course correct, you don’t head straight into the iceberg. And eventually you get to your natural weight because you haven’t been punishing yourself with food. 

But you may be thinking, I’m a perfectionist and it’s been good for me. But don’t confuse perfectionism with high expectations. 

Step one: Notice what is your brain serving up? Respond from your authentic self even if you don’t believe it at first. Keep practicing. This is a process.

Step two: Know that you don’t have to wait a day, a weekend or until Jan. 1st to “start again” Think of every meal as a new opportunity to make a healthy choice. 

I hope this gives you a little more clarification on black and white thinking. It’s so common and so pervasive but there are always more than two ways of being. You are in good company with all of us who have been there. Now that you understand it better, you’ll notice it sooner and hopefully you won’t let it bring you down.